lubdub my hyungs are the coolest!

and so we wanted to go to KNC at first.
but then it was raining so very heavily and we werent sure if *ahem* was there.
in the end we headed down to CCAB/botanic gardens, supposedly for the change concert but there was a sports carnival/event so we went there instead.
it was freaking random lah. SEE!

hahah and we didnt know if any admission tickets were needed. we just like stepped into this whole um, space(?) and started laughing like crazy idiots. i mean, we didnt even know what the event was about! intruders sia.







i thought it was an elephant from afar (like very very far).

we even got three free cans of redbull!

there was cheap food but we had to cough out five bucks to buy the coupons or something.

this guy tucked in his shirt so freakinggg high, couldnt help but take three pictures of him. bet he thought he was cool.

HAHAHHAHHA.
HAHHAHHA.

okay that guy(in the black box)'s middle name is tall and he is kinda cool. he was wearing a catholic high jersey and quite pro luh.
the other guy(in the white box)'s middle name is taller. another catholic high giant. he was like doing all kinds of bball tricks/stunts, and all the while he was stealing glances at us! there was this thing he did - he held the ball with one hand and he started swinging that arm like a pendulum. however hard he tried to impress us (haha) he looked reallyyyy stupid doing that lor! and then he lifted up his shirt and i think there are like ten packs in there. thus, we nicknamed him the ten-pack clock! and cos he was like secretly looking at us, the hyungs dared me to do something. well i was supposed to like wink when he caught my eye and sort of like do this hand thing \m/ to my ear (as in ask for phone number lah) but walaoeh my reaction wasnt quick enough/bad timing on my part.
ahya but then again:
they were/are both really ugly.

um nice sky i suppose.

poor thing she looks lost.

anyway it was like a whole hour of almost non-stop laughing and i swear its been quite a long time since i had so so so so so much fun!
but it was like at all the people's expense um ahhaha.

well i love you hyungs for all the adventures (and misadventures) since day one! i kinda wish livia was with us though :(

lubdub!

put down your world just for one night and pick me again

i am immensely surprised by my bulk of self-discipline! first of all i turned down sharque's invitation to bloopers/bloopies (whatever its called). secondly, um i ate my breakfast today. ahya screw the diet it has never worked from day one

shitzxcass my phone just switched itself off and its the third time today (this morning actually) wabiang.

would you believe me if i told you that i didnt know (or i knew wrongly) the meaning of 'thoroughly'?
sad case but omfreakingg thats no further than the truth wtfreakingh.

i am hella bored if i could jiggly-dance in the square outside borders now i would (but of cos my dearest cleo would have to be my partnerrrrr hhhyyyyyeah inside joke).

uh i deleted my friendster account cos i dont have friends anymore. no lah, i just got rather freaked out by people who send me messages like:
_________________________________
From: jImMy
Date: Monday, 26 May, 2008 9:51 AM
Subject: lets b frens
Message:
"hihi...care to b frens?????? cuz i tink i saw u at cine bfore wat a small world..."
____________________________________

FOURTH TIME MY PHONE WHATEVER *^#$@&!(@ SHEESH
okay, firstly what's with the uppercase lowercase thing.
and secondly the one million/six question marks (??????) makes me feel as though i am being shaken like shaken really hard and yes it sounds as though jImMy is a very impatient/desperate person. scares me. um also scary that he still remembers me/my face because i havent been to cine since a wheeeelong time ago. that, or he is making it up. liar liar pants on fire. singapore small only mah. last but not least, HIHI?!?! wow

anyw the real thing i deleted my friendster cos like all my other online social networks, its dead. but i didnt make up the above scenario luh.

freak i'm stressed up now because my dearest momo's birthday is in 35 hours plus plus and i dont know what to get her. my financial circumstances does not allow me to go ahead with any of the grand plans i have in mind and i (die die) CANNOT give her a megasized photo collage because if i do so i will be labelled a copymonk. maybe writing an 'I O U' isnt such a bad idea afterall, just that i'll give her the belated present in my next life (and hers too), in which she will most prolly be a pig. so that's that. how?

yay i think i might be going to KNC with trik hyung cos *ahem* (hahahha) should be playing her first ENL match!
well if she doesnt play (sigh) then we will just frolick to the leisure centre and emo or something.
whoo trik, whoo *ahem* :D
oh and here's trik's excuse to head down to kallang (like i live there, hur)...
"okay i ask liao. i said you were somehow very depressed and somehow agitated cos your house the toilet bowl exploded so i had to go calm you down"
yah sure. help!
so lame please, i'm just gonna say my friend's suicidal.

its getting harder to talk to you now.
you're uninterested and impatient, i guess you have too many things on your mind/heart and i am not one of those thoughts.
or simply i might say you're getting tired of me.

xoxo

seemingly, not what it seems

okay this is cool (like totally, haha).

i found a really old aerosmith CD and i like all their songs.

plus, on their cover the word 'aerosmith' is an ambigram!

maybe its just me because i have been listening to 80's/90's Guns N' Roses/Led Zeppelin pretty much (actually a whole darn lot) recently.

well trik's going crazyyyyy reading through all my posts. she's trying to find a very impt clue/date amongst my post(one million 's').

it obviously has got something to do with __, aint it :D

i'm neck-broke (whatever it means, it sounds cool right) and thus turned down rae's date to watch the prince caspian thing. grrr cleo and gang should be somewhere in town now, grah while i'm stuck at home trying to fix up links.

yes i do have links now - product of doomsake boredom.

------------------------------------------->

(should be pointing to links ar btw)

Christian Bautisah - The Way You Look At Me

No one ever saw me like you do

All the things that I could add up too

I never knew just what a smile was worth

But your eyes see everything without a single word

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me

It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece

You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be

I never know what you see

But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

If I could freeze a moment in my mind

It'll be the second that you touch your lips to mine

I'd like to stop the clock, make time stands still

'Cause, baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

I don't know how or why

I feel different in your eyes

All I know is it happens every time

xoxo and darling,

i love you

elope with my other half

UPDATED @ 8.10PM

heaves a sigh of gdamn relief, i'm so so so so glad i decided against heading down to chips today.
dave (or is it daniel, whoops sorryyy lah) just texted to inform me that the cops are ID-checking there now (i know its so "hur?!?" cos the day is still so young).
good thing dawn rebecca sharque and gang are going to home club tonight.

ahya but i'm really bored at home.
i realise that i like secondhand serenade a lot.
and i crave for booze, whoops
i also want a big dose of led zeppelin.
they go awesome together when you get tipsy.

facade, or how much i decide to hide

_________________________________________

sorry i'm too much of a coward to tell you (all) peronally but boyfriends one, two and three, i guess this is the end.
it was nice while it lasted (although number three only like a few hours hahhaha).

so real hur.

it is.

ahya. i'm so tired.
xoxo

i am the queen and you may kiss my fingertips

did badly during training, not that it was unusual or unexpected.
but still, sighs my heart out.

i think made of honour was slightly better than mediocre, i would say it was sorta worth the moolahs :D

i have run out of good books! i am attempting to read the cookie book (which has over 300 different recipes) my boyfriend (number two, who refused to marry me today) gave me for my birthday.
it really is quite interesting if i say so myself.

oh and i want a baking room (i dont need a kitchen, really) in the circle house!

and, and nicole deserves to be burnt in the ass for having ten million loves, tsk (flirtyyyyyyyyy pants).

what a filler post manzxc, what a filler post.
if the bright lights dont receive you baby, come home,

hey you you you you you that's right you

hey you, we're a 1/3 band (not half lah actually) looking for new blood.
we need a bassist, maybe keyboardist, or if you play anything else, and are interested,
will be great (absolutely) if you drop me a message at
haras_hog@hotmail.com or 92274454 (singapore lah).
or i suppose you could (also) contact alex at alygobi@hotmail.com
ahya, simply leave a kiss (comment) alright.
preferred genres include progressive rock, soft core metal, alternative, emo rock, pop.
we can do both originals and covers (like there is anything else, haha).
all the more welcome if you have a tad experience, and have no problem with gigging for income (this holiday).
oh and here's an incentive, i cant promise anything but you might get free booze!
please spread the word around yeah.

thanks a whole lot, coolio.
winks,

and i dont care this is my third post in a day.

dont stop dont change, stay beautiful

its like this poison kiss which seems so sweet and so surreal on the touch. i only began to feel the substantial acidic thing eating me whole when the poison weaved through my conscience and into my bloodstream. now, what keeps me alive is this love, but this is also what will ultimately kill me.

it's not like a tevee or radio or anything. you cant turn it off just like that with a frigging remote. you cant shut away or turn down the volume, of your heart calling out, till its pure silence.
you cant make the imagery of the memories go away.
maybe you can switch channels, but one day you will flick back to that very same channel you were glued to, and realise that after so long you still are.
because we live by emotions and feelings, which often, are indescribeable and unexplained.

there and then.

its absolutely true that i'm losing heart, maybe time (along with tiredness) has put out the flame. had it been a month ago, nothing like this would have happened.
you are right. i would never, never ever, have placed fun and nights out over trainings and all that, if you were referring to me one frigging month ago.
but i did it.
walaoeh what the hell is wrong with me right.
i mean, i wanted to change, but i didnt intend for my attitude towards this to change.

ahyaaaaa.
i'll be heading down to UPS later on for my junior's junior's (okayi still junior anyw) training.
hopefully i'll find something, like a spark, watching them start.
maybe then i'd start to start all over again.

KITE RUNNER IS FANTASTIC (partly cos i know mc read it)!

anyw, i am really reallly reallyyyy guilty.
i mean guilty like shitzxc okayi.
hyung and i were supposed to meet up with two of our classmates for a project discussion.
supposed to lah.
but we both forgot.
and so tianli and angel were left standing (and waiting) at the lrt for like maybe ten minutes.
i just called my dad and he wont let me go!
oh die, oh die.
(five minutes later)
... uh thank goodness hyung cant go either.
the both of us will just die of excessive guilt ripping at our hearts together. hooray for my boyfriend.

anyw the previous pictures are results of my serif photoplus 6.0 trial attempts (its better than paint, but nothing fantastic).
anyw, natural is best, like the last picture (i saved best for last, ____)!
oh and i would like to introduce toot-toot the rubber ducky.
i recommend this WMP skin because unlike a lot a lot a lot of other horrible skins, it has shuffle mode! oh yes it does, smiles my lips out.
it took me nearly forever to find one like that (aesthetically appealing and loveable functions, to me of cos). cute yo.

do you always wish it was me calling you, or has time put out the flame

it can happen to anyone of us, say you will forgive me

screw the (or rather, my) blogging hiatus, or screw me if you wish because i initiated it. i need to rant and i need someone to hear (or read). someone true, hopefully you.
true friends see things in me i dont know of myself.
like a pile of beautiful mess, instead of shrunken shit and what not.
for some reasons i will not admit myself, i am not looking forward to my month's worth of break. i think the insane shitzxc pile of homework and my outside commitments (you know you can love something but hate it at the same time, this it it) will kill me. i guess netball has meek importance this holiday because i am not involved in a big part of it. God, i feel so small.
or maybe i am just scared of finding what's on the other side of this world, and the fact that this side waiting to be uncovered, though carefully hidden from a child's eyes, is not very different from what i know.
thing is, i know a lot. more than i should. i hate what i know.
but really, knowing something doesnt make it any easier for you to accept it. false pretence.
some things will never change.
i am certain about my disdain, so thats not something worth any of you (who knows) fretting over.

never made it as a wise man/

i skipped service today, because i didnt feel like it. instead, i snuggled up at the couch in the other part of the building reading jodi picoult's the pact. i'm done with it and its up for grabs (after livia, that is).
plus i needed quiet time. to recover from my hangover.

sins of omissions, i must have overlooked them ten million times.

ahya i shall not engulf myself in reprop qwerty thoughts and suffocate to death. i have pictures but blogger is unfortunately, furged up. perhaps, viewer descretion is advised that's why, haha.

how many times have we thought nothing of these warnings and signs,

i think i'm going out (again) with xurong later.
oh and i need a dress (horror horror) for my dance night II! this time cleo will not go shopping with me because i have not (and will never) forgiven her for influencing me to buy that tp-er i ended up discarding into the give-aways.
i need someone (more) practical (whoops).

at the end of the day, have i really lost myself
would it take a lifetime

p.s. i cut my hair.

i cant hate you anymore

okay hello all well and fine people out there, i cant take it anymore.
i am bored to the brim and i just have to blog, those who stand in my way (like momocleotineo) will die.

i slept for about an hour in the sickbay just now. frankly it wasnt supposed to turn out like that. haha, but i really am sick.
the wonders of mindpower has no end.
anyw its good to be home early (i guess), because it leaves me with more quiet time to think about stuff and well, i can go find out more on mc and try to come up with plans!
oh and i also need to find a new skin for my WMP, i am sick of my current one.
hooray manzxc.
grahhhhhh (fish hyung) i really really really feel sick.

oh and as if being ill isnt enough, i came home to find my room looking so unfamiliar.
my furniture has been shifted and replaced with old, ugly ones and now my princess room is as empty as jerald's brain.
screams my head off and starts coughing badly, argh.

goodbye i shall go to sleep.

the road to hell is paved with good intentions

how very true.

well i had great fun with leumas eew (minus nicole lim) today! we caught what happens in vegas. its a good and funny no-brainer more-or-less chick flick, and i think cameron diaz and ashton kutcher had great on-screen chemistry.

spent twenty bucks at the arcade and laughed a lot playing this street fighting game (somewhat like tekkan) because i kept using this imba heavy-weight kungfu fighter who inflicted super lot of damage with his humongous chained iron-ball.

thank you so much :D

for today, and for your gift, although ... ...

and i'm really sorry.

i think i'll be going on a longgg hiatus.

or maybe a forever hiatus (although i doubt so).

when i dont feel that much of a monster (haha), i'll be back.

just to show you,

drink drink drink drink drink drink if you highlight you will know stuff you are better off not knowing.

when will my reflection show who i truly am

I CANT SLEEP.

Boyzone - Shooting Star
Oooh
No one seems to think too much of me here
and they're glad to tell it to my face
And they're right I'm not supposed to be here
I'm completely out of place
Somehow there has got to be a reason
Even as I try to think it through
There's a bolt from the blue

And I see a shooting star
(And I see a star)
Set apart from all the rest
While the other stars are standing still (ooh)
He's on a quest
Every night this shooting star
(Every night this star)
Dancing across the twilight sky
Cause he knows he doesn't quite fit in (ooh)
And he's longing to know why, why
(longing to know why)

I feel so much better when it's night time
That's when I can sort of disappear
When the sun is set and it's the right time
For pretending I'm not here
Sometimes I just stare into the heavens
Wondering if the answer is inside
That's when I see the light

Of my sent that shooting star
On his way to who know's where
(On his way to who know's where)
He's so unlike all the stars (ooh)
But he outshines out there
(shines out there)
And the solitary star
(solitary star)
Is an awful lot like me (ooh)
On an endless search in time and space
For a place that won't seem wrong
(place that won't seem wrong)

If we both hang on for long enough
We both somehow are strong enough
We'll find out where we belong

Every night this shooting star
(every night this star)
Dancing across the twilight sky
Cause he knows he doesn't quite fit in (ooh)
And he's longing to know why (why)
Know why (why)
Why (why)
Why (why)
Know why (why) (to fade)

_____________________________

i'm very very glad i didnt have to go through it all, though i think the last minute fishing trip (minus the seashells picking, minus the counting of stars, minus the camera-play) was almost as bad.
i was hella bored.
thanks a lot manzxc (my infatuated) twinneh haha, dont deny i know you are.

thank god.

i dont want to try to be happy anymore.
i got caught.
i'm losing it as i lose you.
dying.
i cant help feeling this way.
i cant help going insane because i miss you so much.

this is how i feel (empty),

and hidden

please pray for me.

maybe.
maybe i'm afraid of the dark again,

maybe.
maybe i'm afraid of heights again,

maybe.
maybe i have still not grown accustomed to a moonless nightsky, a sunless day.

truth is i am hell-a scared.
the next two days will be the longest days i have ever had, and the worst ones too.
because although everyone seems to be cheering me on,
the one(s) whom i really want by my side will not be, because i am also afraid to tell.
and i am alone.

bloodstains,
i guess if you really cared, you will somehow know. and ask me about this, no matter what. and i will tell you. but you wont.

oh dang walaoeh how

momocleotineo's birthday is in exactly two weeks and i feel the need to start planning/saving up for it alr.
i sort of have a vague idea what to do/get for her (think your heart out, my loser) but if i take into consideration my monetary issues (btw my cash on hand is currently negative $120) it is somewhat impossible.
she's always going like, "its your thought that counts", "dont need to buy me presents luh i mean, since when have you gotten me one manzxc" and "its just right to owe your bestie stuff".
but i know she wants it so badly i'll feel so horrible if i sit back relax and watch her heart yearn for it more than ever. plus, plus, plus i dont think i've really given her anything so its time to start.
JAMSTERS. hehe.
last year was whipped cream, this year.. hehe.
i miss momo.
i dont know where she is cos when i called her today morning (both her cell and her home phone) no one picked up!
i think she's still asleep.
walaoeh. idiot, haha.

mcfc pledges our undying love manzxc.
we've got a grande plan, and it will work (cos everything done in the name of love works).
cross our fingers mc'll pop by and say thanks (and yay we'll just swoon over her and hang on every word that comes out of her lips).
this better be worth all our efforts because, because, because i cancelled lunch with matt for this. what if he demands a letter to compensate, die

disparity.

cos you love me, and i hate you.
i'm right, you're wrong
move on.

we are barney and the backyard gang ta-dah ta-dah ta-dah ta-dah
and i still remember this song.
i want to go for barney's live show/concert!

i'm taking it easy, its getting better,
but just one move i know this will all go to waste

and so your main point is, question mark

bottomline.

okayi so rather rough day for me emotionally.
but, but, the little snippets of funny, qwerty times here and there definitely cheered me up two dozens.

one, for the first time in a century trik and i (actually only hyung luh) were late for weights (by fifteen minutes) because we lost track of time (while eating fruits and drinking apple juice and laughing about some insubstantial hilarious thing).
i betcha we would have reached the gym at like, four pm (just nice for me though) if not for my sudden awareness that there was no netballer in sight (and btw it was scheduled to start at 2.30pm for them).

two, ms chew had us (the class) going hysterical with her penning down the blackhole on hueychyi's "however" in her personal response question. poor bolun.

three, cleo (momocleotineo as of now) was being such a sweet idiot it felt so dang good talking to her. good is an understatement.

but i still feel empty.

anyway way way way way way way, i wrote something that sounds pretty much suicidal.
by any case it doesnt mean that i am, although the theme of it and my life seems to flow in the same vein. i call it

____________________

"fall and go"
i'd never fumbled with my words
and you took this all for granted
i'd said a dozen "i love you"s
i know you knew i meant each true

in you i found my comfort zone
still think i'll never be alone
however much, its killing me
to live this lie and let things be

they say i've gotta let go, taking it slow
i say i'm just gonna let the whole truth show

so i'll stand on the highest mountain
(where you brought me to, where i was with you)
there tears spill like a flowing fountain
(like the memories still, like the memories still)
i'll close my eyes,
fall away,
into emptiness,
the break of day,
praying that you'd catch me
(like you used to do, before we were through)
bring me back to life again
(make it less mundane)
wish things had never changed, stayed the same

you broke me gently piece by piece
seemed to you it was such a breeze
deadly silence, you walked out
my missing you was heard aloud

empty, broken, lost, a goner
not by volition makes me happier
but nothing compares to how
this dread that rings inside me now

they say i've gotta let go, taking it slow
i say i'm just gonna let the whole truth show

so i'll stand on the highest mountain
(where you brought me to, where i was with you)
there tears spill like a flowing fountain
(like the memories still, like the memories still)
i'll close my eyes,
fall away,
into emptiness,
the break of day,
praying that you'd catch me
(like you used to do, before we were through)
bring me back to life again
(make it less mundane)
wish things had never changed, stayed the same

____________________

if tomorrow never comes,

mundane

, life is. i am not (at all) driven nor motivated to do things of any sort. whether it is my now-overdue maths assignment 7 or my lit essay two (urgh how can this be happening).

and i am one peeved youtube user because i cant seem to view any MVs there, tsk. yes i totally agree with fish that jesse mccartney has lost his boyish look/charm along with his fringe and pretty hair. and that's sorta sad.

my ____ and my muscles are starting to hurt/ache. must be the insane run(s) today and the accumulated previous distances.

On Bended Knees
Can we go back to the days
Our love was strong
Can you tell me how
A perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me
How to get things back,
The way they used to be
Oh God, give me a reason,
I'm down on bended knees.

I'll never walk again,
Until you come back to me,
I'm down on bended knees.

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight I know
That I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity.
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me.

the feeling's still not fading,

i dont love you like i once did (not anymore)

at least, that's what i (try to) tell myself.

怎么隐藏我的悲伤
失去你的地方
你的发香散得匆忙
我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛还能看见
你离去的痕迹
在月光下一直找寻
那想念的身影

如果说分手 是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前
我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说 的不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白

我会发着呆 然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天 会有人代替
让我不再想念你
我会发着呆 然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想那一年 你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

nowadays i dont know what you're thinking, i dont know what you truly mean.
worst still, i dont know which words of yours i should trust and which ones i should forget so as to not break my own heart any further.

volition.

even the wrong things might seem right at times, even when it really isnt (and you are aware of the fact).
i guess.

nuance.

right now i feel so empty neither an 8-platter-6-star-nine-course meal (or rick carlton) nor a thousand twinkling stars can fill this hollow space (in my heart).

adjust.

还来不及
仔仔细细
写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴
的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望
很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪
这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美
我不配

drown.

bastardized

sorry hueychyi.
sorry nicole.
sorry alfred.
sorry for taking you people for someone you (all) are not (and will never be).

i'm losing it.

has your world ever come crashing down on you, cos mine is

all this ambiguity is killing me.

how do you breathe when there's no more oxygen in the air?
how does the story continue without the main character of the plot?
what happens to all those afraid of the dark when the moon, along with all the stars, is removed from the night sky?
what happens when the most important person of your life involuntarily, or perhaps with your push, walks out on you?
you become breathless.
your life loses its drive.
the pathways of which you walk on becomes dim, dark, un-lit.
simply, you die; or you learn to cope with this loss - in this case the latter is much, much harder.

flyaway.

in baseball, three strikes and you're out

in life, we seem to get millions of chances but if you really think hard, we've never really made the best out of any of them, have we?

first base, second base, third base, fourth base... homerun(?).

now it seems as if there is nothing hidden between us, like you peel through all the layers of cloth on me bit by bit till all that is left is me and genuinely me.
and i actually like that fact, or the sound of it.

back to the tenth circle, and thinking about life.

i am still in the midst of getting used to a more advanced phone and its multi-functions.
sometimes, simplicity's the best, leave out the rest.

maybe we do get lucky,
ciao.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIVIA LIM YUN!

read the title and scream manzxc, haha.

i've switched to using an N70! yes its rather seasoned but nevertheless better than my laopok phone yo.
will wait (im)patiently till two months later and i'll (hopefully) get my iLoud (450 i think)!

yikes i'm running late,
ciao.

a screwed universe turned upside down

what is freaking wrong with this world; where kindness does not beget kindness, and compassionate love is not reciprocrated.

every once in a while, humans hit their low points and more than often need a source of comfort, whether it is the dimmest light from a distant friend, or a flamboyant raging flame within the one who has stood by for the past century.

as a by-stander at the edge, in the middle, sitting right on the fence, it is difficult to knock sense into a oppressive-negative person who weeps, wallowing in self pity. all the more harder to stay popped right on the fence because we all have our own opinions, and whether we like it or not it is a fact that we get swayed by other's points of views or storylines.

all i tried to do was to remain where i was, try to say something meaningful that could perhaps change the way you thought, as i'd like to.
it never occured to me that someone who was unhappy and tired and empty could turn back and slap me straight in the face with her harsh words and comments.
never, ever.
never, ever.
never, ever belittle the one who calls and cries for help, because at the end of the day the situation leaves you confused and hurt, and the table turns this time round.
always, always, be careful of what you say or what you do, because the smallest un-thought actions could stab.

and then there was this something that set me thinking really hard.
i was reading at the sofa when jerald came forth and asked me, "what do you think of grandaunt?"
the grandaunt who's the most bias person ever, the grandaunt who loves him more than she loves jovan or me, the grandaunt who has spoilt him such an abundance he has the courage to exploit and do stuff he never had the guts to, the grandaunt who quarrels with me everyday so long as we see each other, the grandaunt who bought him his new bedset, the grandaunt who shares a laptop with him, the grandaunt who never forgets to come back with cakes and snacks which are only meant for my two brothers, not me. that grandaunt.
i shrugged naturally, maybe because i didnt have an answer. what can you say about someone who treats you this way?
never did i expect him to say, "she's a crazy idiot woman."
the grandaunt who's the most bias person ever, the grandaunt who loves him more than she loves jovan or me, the grandaunt who has spoilt him such an abundance he has the courage to exploit and do stuff he never had the guts to, the grandaunt who quarrels with me everyday so long as we see each other, the grandaunt who bought him his new bedset, the grandaunt who shares a laptop with him, the grandaunt who never forgets to come back with cakes and snacks which are only meant for my two brothers, not me. that grandaunt. that grandaunt is a crazy idiot woman.
i wonder how she'll feel if one day she finds out how my brother, whom she so dearly loves, thinks about her.
it irks me and scares me even further knowing how two face my brother can be.

the world is so unfair, the world is so prejudiced, its screwed shit.
because everyone else behaves this way, does it entitle me to behaving just as selfishly?
does it?
a droplet of water dripped into the sea creates a ripple effect.
similarly, our behavioural actions affect everything and everyone around us.
because no one cares, does it mean that i dont care either?
must i go with the flow, must i be sucky, must i let my desires reign over my truest emotions?
because everyone else behaves this way, does it entitle me to behaving just as selfishly?
does it?
no it does not.

and, why?

take my every breath away as i surrender my all to you

today's the earliest i've ever been home on a school day (though not normal) since the start of secondary school life. okayi but to let you in, my paper actually ended at nine thirty so nothing much to congratulate me about.

and, its the end of mid years!
i feel so qwerty. like very very qwerty (this word's really typing-convenient).
maybe this is what you call post-exam stress, because i dont feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders (although i really dont feel as trussed, thank god).
i think its the anxiety, i've got this gripping hunch that tells me i have not done well for this term's assessment.
urgh its over anyway.

now i have to concentrate on watching my truncated version of r and j (yay a million thanks to glennis for lending it to me)!
and of cos, to get some sleep. by this i mean twelve hours - to cover up for these four days of four-and-a-half-hours-sleeping-nights.

i love you more with each passing day,
ciao.

now my heart's in two and i cant find the other half

firstly, hhahhahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahha. secondly, hahhahahahhahahhahahhahahahhahhahahha. thirdly, hahahahhahahhahahahhahahhahhahha.

i think hyung trik has seen all the skeletons in my closet (shhh dont tell okayi)! and yes, i dont think she ever wants to be anywhere around here again because i think jovan has a crush on her, giggles. how true that age isnt really a factor in love.
i hate to admit this but that one and a half hours was rather unproductive!
i did like four questions and she did like, two, perhaps.
oh and we let her in on our occasional sibling-karaoke-session. and wrestling. whatever, jovan's pesteringgggggggg me cos he wants to know more about her.
die trik, die manzxc (haha).
but you never know how romantic a seven year old (who has abs yo) can be.
hahahahhaha, laughs your head off.

urgh i am going to fail maths. because after reading through the textbook and all my notes i still cant apply them in my revision papers.
coordinate geometry is one shit of a chapter (or rather, three) - i still dont get it.

my house was really really dark just now (when i first got home, before i went to pick hyung up). there had been a power trip and the supply to our whole unit was cut off. so disappointing because five minutes after we reached my place the lights came on again.
you know, just when we were expecting a really romantic candle-light session. spoil the fun manzxc.

and i vandalized the mc circle! whoops

gaaaaaaaaaaaaah, screams your head off.
unfortunately, my plan backfired :(
no matter what i do i cant seem to be able to soften nor melt you maybe only the sun who is so bright and so strong and so warm is capable of doing so nosorry i am not your sun should i go away its up to you tell me what you want your wish is hereforth my command -

ciao.

i exploded in shock

ohmy, cassandra definitely deserves a post for this (or does she not?)
or rather, (since she might not be deserving of this for what she has done) she deserves this post for calling cleo and i up (and conferencing us together) from the states. imagine the overseas charge, but whatever.

i was not the least exaggerating when i said i exploded in shock, because i literally "WHAT"-ed into the phone. well my reaction was an understatement compared to cleo's, because she shrilled (dont know if it was disapproval though) "ohmygodcasswouldyourepeatthatagainimeanthisissoshockingyoungladywhendid
thathappenandwithwhomandwhatthehelliswrongwithyouman" (she was speaking so fast we couldnt hear a thing at first okayi) into the receiver and blasted all our ears (off).

this is not something i would like to discuss right now but i cant believe cass lost her _________. the pride was swelling in her voice, like, like she had a great deal of fun (she said she did by the way).
and i told her that she wasnt even a woman.
and she replied, "now i feel like one."

i guess that is cultural difference for you.

but still! cass!
and i kind of miss your craziness here please come back and visit us soon bring us a picture of jack/peter/tom (oops sorry i forgot his name) all the more better if you could bring him in person yeah

i need shock therapy, hopefully i wont be traumatised for any more than one week.
ah,

now i'm jumping up and down, you're the only thing around and you mean every little thing to me

i have seriously no idea how i'll do for my physics paper because all that i have learnt was not exactly applicable in that hell of a paper.
and i dont know why i'm speaking so crudely these days.

MCFC i'm going to remove those pictures right after this post.

studying at long john's today was unproductive because i couldnt absorb a thing into my head. i have never been good at memorizing anything, but still! the information/points i remember are so vague i'll just end up writing words on my answer script (like:
13) economic boost, more people, money, social. please self-elaborate).
i dont get how the hyungs seem to be mugging/studying so intensively (and focused) when most of the stuff seemed pretty much like common sense to me.

oh yes before that trik and liv and i went on a MCFC mission - which was to find MC a mr. right. unfortunately no one at harbourfront/vivocity was dashing/charming/presentable enough to fit as a candidate(? what horrid vocab). no one seems to be perfect enough for MC lei, although it is probably good enough if he loves our dearest ______ (whoa its as if we're really good friends yo) whole-heartedly. somehow i think our expectations are higher than MC's. but does it matter? cos all we want is the best for her (so noble haha)!

darlingggggggggggggggggg, let's, ahem you know. okayi this sounds so dang wrongg.

dont vanish with time, noplease
ciao.

cant you see that there's nothing i wanna do, but try to make it up to you and it feels like tonight

MCFC sent (or rather, gave) me a warning letter today after the history paper (which was mediocre in a good kind of way) because i am/was wayyy to infatuated with MC!
i am kind of tempted to post that piece of formal thing here but well that will only lead me to receiving another one. i feel like MCFC is a real solid organisation yo.
i'll just have to be (a lot) more discerning/careful with my words from now.

AND I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST READ. THEY.. TH.. THEY ______ __!
DANG AM I ENVIOUS, LIKE WALAOEH HOW CAN MANZXC.
ITS SUCH A PITY TOO, THAT CHEMISTRY IS NOT MY MODULE.
oops i need to tone down because i dont need another warning letter.

i forgot what i wanted to blog about.
forget it. must be the beans (do i make sense to you?).

my darling bought that bag today and i feel like getting another tote (not the ones from zinc though).
i am such a spendthrift i think i will die, like, when i'm thirty - due to poverty.
and i wont get a proper burial.

and i think there is a serious need to observe trik cos she has insane thoughts: she told me that she will someday become (somewhat like) peter and shoot everyone down.
dont remind me, i do remember that i owe her (or rather, her sister) a book.

stress seems to be taking a toll on me.
mind you.

and, i understand all that hueychyi said, to some extent.

addicted,
ciao.

glorify the lord with me

All In All
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek;
You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I’d be a fool;
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name.
Jesus Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name.

Taking my cross my sins my shame
Rising again I bless your name;
You are my all in all

When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup;
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name.
Jesus Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name.


Faithful Love
Faithful love flowing down
From the thorn covered crown
Makes me whole saves my soul
Washes whiter than snow.

Faithful love, calms each fear
Reaches down, dries each tear,
Holds my hand when I can’t
Stand on my own.

Faithful love, is a friend
Just when hope, seems to end
Welcome face, sweet embrace,
Tender touch, filled with grace

Faithful love, endless pow'r,
Living flame, Spirit's fire,
Burning bright, in the night,
Guiding my way.

Faithful Love
From Above
Came to earth to show the father’s love.
And I’ll never be the same,
For I’ve seen faithful love face to face, and Jesus is His name.


The Battle Belongs to the Lord
In heavenly armor we’ll enter the land.
The battle belongs to the Lord.
No weapon that’s fashioned against us will stand.
The battle belongs to the Lord.

And we sing glory, honor,
Power and strength to the Lord.
We sing glory, honor,
Power and strength to the Lord.

When your enemy presses in hard do not fear,
The battle belongs to the Lord.
Take courage, my friend, your redemption is near,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

And we sing glory, honor,
Power and strength to the Lord.
We sing glory, honor,
Power and strength to the Lord.


God Will Make a Way
God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me.

He will be my guide,
Hold me closely to His side.
With love and strength for each new day,
He will make a way,
He will make a way.


Days Of Elijah
These are the days of Elijah,
Declaring the word of the Lord:
And these are the days of Your servant Moses,
Righteousness being restored.

And though these are days of great trial,
Of famine and darkness and sword,
Still, we are the voice in the desert crying
'Prepare ye the way of the Lord!'

Behold He comes riding on the clouds,
Shining like the sun at the trumpet call;
Lift your voice, it's the year of jubilee,
And out of Zion's hill salvation comes.

These are the days of Ezekiel,
The dry bones becoming as flesh;
And these are the days of Your servant David,
Rebuilding a temple of praise.

These are the days of the harvest,
The fields are as white in Your world,
And we are the labourers in Your vineyard,
Declaring the word of the Lord!

There's no God like Jehovah.
There's no God like Jehovah!

_______________________________________

i cant put my finger on it, but there's just this wall between us now.
its a nuance, small yet extremely, sharply excrutiating.

how do i breathe without you here by my side

NO MORE PICTURES COS MCFC FORCED ME TO TAKE THEM DOWN WALAOEH

well i think as we all can infer from the pictures, we werent really mugging very hardcorely. as a matter of fact, it was not as productive as i would have liked it to be.

so dang, i'm going to put in extra hours later on.

and manzxc, twinneh i know you miss me (dont be shy yeah).

i have been sneezing like an, uh, an (what makes loud sounds?) elephant since today morning and it is not getting any better.

i feel like my head's stuffed (with whatever). i'm kind of a worried that i wont be able to sit for my papers tmr with a clear mind because, you know, my nose's blocked (do i make sense?).

hear me countdown,

ciao.