i'm a big big girl in a big big world

its not a big big thing if you leave me. or if i leave you

i wont even fking care if you disappear from the face of earth. never again will i have anything to do with you. let's draw the line, for real this time.

______________________________________

so my daddy should be in taiwan now. didnt go to church cos of some family issues tdy morning. my mom, bro and i ended up at causeway point whr we spent four hundred dollars.

my new pencil case. no joke

retail therapy came too early.

but perhaps, thr is a btr alternative. one which numbs totally

i choose to have no air.

i dont love you like i once did (not anymore)

at least, that's what i (try to) tell myself.

怎么隐藏我的悲伤
失去你的地方
你的发香散得匆忙
我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛还能看见
你离去的痕迹
在月光下一直找寻
那想念的身影

如果说分手 是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前
我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说 的不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白

我会发着呆 然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天 会有人代替
让我不再想念你
我会发着呆 然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想那一年 你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

nowadays i dont know what you're thinking, i dont know what you truly mean.
worst still, i dont know which words of yours i should trust and which ones i should forget so as to not break my own heart any further.

volition.

even the wrong things might seem right at times, even when it really isnt (and you are aware of the fact).
i guess.

nuance.

right now i feel so empty neither an 8-platter-6-star-nine-course meal (or rick carlton) nor a thousand twinkling stars can fill this hollow space (in my heart).

adjust.

还来不及
仔仔细细
写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴
的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望
很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪
这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美
我不配

drown.

tonight i've fallen and i cant get up, i need your loving hands to come and pick me up

update:
hooray, the grandaunt and i are now on talking terms!

and i cant wait to lay my excited little fingers on eclipse.
i heard that the kite runner is pretty good too.
whatever it is i am dedicating my next week to completing my lit essays and reading a lot of books. that is, if i find the time to do so.

i embark (?) on my fourth slice of sara-lee cake.
______________________________________

i'm icing my ankle, i wish i could ice my heart too. cos then it'll just be... numb.
felt so _____, but i _________ playing with the ____, even if it meant i had to ___ for the game. that was really how i felt on court. so _____.
i cried so much, but really, it wasnt mainly because my ankle was hurting like shitzxcass.
the response i got when i told mk and mc how i felt, was, even heartwrenching, because it meant that it all could be seen from the outside.
why, at this crucial moment, is the ____ so _____?
i want to feel shielded, i want to be protected, i want to be able to hide under a wing when a thunderstorm strikes town, i want to know that if i falter, i will fall in safe hands come what may.
(no) thank you for making me feel so much less insecure, for sharing the pain.
i feel so tired i want to just "tie the trustband" and hide behind you and not face anything.
i want you to take the lead and take my hand and lead me on to a clearer, brighter, path.
today i finally realised that i'm afraid of the dark because its empty, i am afraid of feeling the emptiness. which is why i feel less afraid when you are here for me (its because you fill up the spaces). can i?

on a lighter note, apparently my grandmother and my nine other grandaunts plus all their somewhat intermediate families all know about my ankle.
this makes me realise how efficient the communication is, tsk.
(do they have nothing else to talk about or what? haha)
its just that them making a big fuss out of this makes me feel scared (in a way, no idea why).

and tricia kok is such an idiot manzxc. i feel so jealous.

lord be there for me when i fall,
be there for me when i call,
be there for me when i need you
"come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest."
- matt 11:28

flyaway, (how far?)
ciao.