i spun around to see you looking straight back at me

i'm such a procrastinator.
i delay needlessly about almost everything, from going for my runs, to getting my homework done, sometimes i even eat dinner at eleven.
sigh what am i supposed to do about this? you know what, i'll think about it tomorrow.

in the meantime, here's a quickie on yesterday.

went for club training in the evening! before that got thrashed in horse. played crocodile.
for warm-up we played the ball-tag game haha it was very fun totally livened the atmosphere!
ended off with game as usual, 7 on 7 full court since there were, just nice, that many (or rather, few) of us.
am rly glad i went for it cos that trg was much more productive! :)
ANYW THE EXCITING PART IS AFTER TRG
i had to pass trish's gift to MC
but i didnt dare to!
when i finally did muster my courage to run over to her, they were so encouraging hahaha
they were like making hell lot of noise asking me to remove my speed top/go in my sports bra/whatever etc cos
ahem
a bit embarrassing to the club lor
i dont think you get it but whatever hahaha

today: congrats c'div for your win :)
i couldn't make it in time for their game cos i thought it was at four when it was at three.
after i left school i went to my mom's shop and did funny funny things
met T for a while.
then i went to the warrens to return melan some money.

access private text

been experiencing many gay moments with trish.
-grabs hand and runs-

cos we've come too far to let it slipaway

practice makes perfect

practice makes perfect sense to me.

first of all, i would like to wish MISS CHEN HUI FEN a
wonderful awesome good marvelous nice pleasing recherché splendid sterling stupendous super-excellent rad congenial unimpaired beautiful nice great awe-inspiring magnificent mind-blowing stunning terrific wondrous cool cute glorious superlative ferntastic perfect primo sensational superb HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) :) :) :) :)

i think its forgivable and perhaps completely acceptable to say (or type) cheesy mushy things on someone's special day so i shall.
dear MC, school's never been the same since you left us (as in physically. you've always been in our hearts since then). my happiest RV schooling days consist of the times when you were around. really.
now that i/we can no longer hope to bump into you along the turning of the stairway, or stalk you from the canteen to the staff room, or like offer to buy you drinks (like during IUD!), well life's not as exciting and satisfying as before.
it's impossible to lead a life in the dark after having been so close to the sun once. get it?
also, hahaha i like to go for my club trg (the thurs ones at KNC) cos.. i get to see you!
i'm so hyped up for NSL matches, it's like we get to see you every week. so totally awesome luh.
.
.
.
if you realise this long somewhat-confession is akin to social suicide,
but for you i will !! :)

HAHAHAHA.
that was really gay.

.
.
.
what did i do on 11 march 2009?
go to school, get GPA, feel numb,

and meet tricia at three-ish pm!

so i went to her house and left my stuff thr/changed and we went running at telok blangah hill/mt faber! it's not really what you think but whatever.
the two hours passed in a whizz.
we explored little parks, places we never knew existed and stuff. it's quite beautiful, rather breathtaking up there. its refreshing to wander around in nature (even if man-made) for a change, don't you ever get sick of all the city lights?
there are binoculars at parts of the peak, and to view each of them for 180 seconds you're supposed to pay a dollar.
i'm beginning to believe in luck! somehow we managed to find this pair of binos that was working! we didnt have to give up our only dollar (and ten cents) but we still had full five mins views of a construction site, the carribean, some boats, and three islands so far away.
the binos are so awesome can see so far grrrrrrrr, it was so clear and even from where we were we could see labourers at the construction site and people in their condos hahaha.
we also sat in stationary cable cars :)

reached home half past seven, and up till now i'm still thinking of how to break the news to the parental department about my implausibly lousy results.

"she who loves forever, lives forever."

sometimes, like now, when i try very hard to sleep but can't, my mind subconsciously wanders off to think of you.

just because i didn't publicly emo over you last september, it doesn't mean i've forgotten about you my dear. sometimes i wish you would just let me off.

isn't it enough knowing that i'll love you forever and ever?
you know how i'll always tuck you in the depths of my heart and keep you safe even when heaven and earth collides.

it is hard enough for me, now that i'm facing the world alone without your accompaniment, without your powerful cheery presence.
it's been two years coming three, it still hurts the same, wherever, whenever.
i haven't visited you in a long time, but neither have you come to see me.
please, appear in my dreams tonight?

tomorrow i will see your parental department. tomorrow, they will see me teary-eyed.
tomorrow, you will still be peeping at me from the stars in the sky.
tomorrow is the day i wish will never come because tomorrow you will still not be here.

when the shadows descend on the moonlit house
the sun and the moon overlap
incessant grief that lingers forever
why? doeth unto me things i remember
how? transcends into my soul footsteps that sound always
when? imprinted love will i stop hurting
at long last, the sky is dark again
it is a vicious cycle
of love, lost, despair
and longing for the return of my dearest bestfriend.

in loving memory of grace adeline reed.

and all the roads we have to walk along are winding

and all the lights that lead us there are blinding.


credits to angweijie :)

I AM SO VERY AWAKE.
all thanks to the cold (slash freezing) bath i survived.

concurrently i believe that you will always have a place in my heart.
but for now, i'm done with missing you and looking at you from afar (or up-close at times).
so long, farewell, goodbye.
though it was good while it lasted, i've tasted enough of that bittersweet and i have officially relinquished every single bit of you i had been holding on to for the past one month :)

things were very much different when i woke up tdy because i alr had four date-invite smses :D
by the time i read them i was only in time for yeyun's so at about 1pm i popped by to BPP whr we bought some snacks/drinks and ran her errand before going over to her house.
we watched about two episodes of MDWAV (1st of the trilogy) and yes yes yes my all-time favourite hongkong drama is still as addictive!
thr are no kevin chengs nor lam fungs but they have the most awesome storyline ever :)

bus-ed down to KNC tgt, then played against santa fe.
they're all quite big.
but we won anyw (58 - 8 if i'm not wrong) :D

sorry speed didnt support you guys throughout the whole match! i was too damn hungry hahah
hope you guys played well :)
and yay yay yay yay i think i can go for the xmas party tmr, cos some of them are staying overnight so it wouldnt be too late to rush thr right after JJC's match tmr!
but i have yet to get anything for the gift exchange uh-oh

p.s. tyvm muscle pig for being thr to calm me down when i was utterly lost and flustered and everything because of my wallet incident :) take care of your ankle you wouldn wna miss chunkfest hee :D
p.p.s it's just eight more days! hon we can make it through :)
but just to let yknow, i rly miss you. alr.

xoxo

but i can't spell it out for you

you know its never gonna be that simple.

and right here right now i'm coming clean with you because i want this to be transparent.

my heart is opening up to you a little more each day.

i'm beginning to feel more in place, having your heart to myself.

less of resistance, more of acceptance.

you make life beautiful again.

now you make me want to be a better person, you make me want to let go of the past and move on because i know that we will create wonderful, unforgettable memories in the future.

somehow i yearn to see your smile, and tonight i pray that you are safe, though far away.

finally, i finally feel this way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D :D :D

i'm sorry i cant spend it with you. as a matter of fact it isnt even my fault since you chose to fly off tdy hahah. whtvr it is i know you will manage to read this, so i just wanted to let yknow that i didnt forget! and i got you a little something.
cant wait for you to come back! :D
too bad you'll miss chunk fest!
all things will be bright and beautiful the next time i see you, that i promise.

with love,
happy kid.

_______________________________________

i realise that i have a lot to thank god for. i've been bountifully blessed.
thr are so many things, too many for me to list.

heee i'm waiting for my chocolate chip cookie dough ben&jerrys to solidify.
its currently in the freezer.
sknaht tm :)

RVNB?
i dont know.

xoxo

if it kills me

well all I really wanna do is love you

a kind much closer than friends use
but I still can't say it after all we've been through
and all I really want from you is to feel me
as the feeling inside keeps building
and I will find a way to you if it kills me
if it kills me
(jason mraz's song)

spend my late morning watching hotshot and ignoring (almost) everyone who talked to me on MSN.
the show's getting kinda sad now. it must be real difficult and painful to give away the one you love.

then we had a friendly with tanglin trust school.
my, their courts are indoors and air-conditioned! was quite grand, reminded me of perth. i/we all was/were freeezing inside though, had a hard time breathing cos the air was cold and dry.
they're quite fast.
(as leeyin said) their play is sort of unpredictable, too, cos they dont exactly have a game-plan they stick very much to.
i didnt play very well :(
but as a whole, well done RVNB :D

saw the singapore slingers (who were thr for training i suppose) and i realised that most of them arent even chinese (nor malay nor indians), much less singaporeans.
"imported" basketballers lor
the other day tanya was saying that netball is about the only sport here in singapore with real local talents. quite true :)

sang a trik a belated bday song after the game. yeyun and i presented her our shared gifts (um a yellow construction worker helmet, two case-file folders, and a handcuff)! :D
btw, trik's ambition is to be a detective.
plastic bag on the floor - "investigate lei! case of littering!"
red paint on a sign - "eh oh my god i think its blood! trik go be detective!"
a villa - "i think that's whr they hold hostages! go trik!"
hahaha

had dinner at BK with xuan (my horse who piggybacked me) clau cyn ethel liv!
hahah the staff served cyn her order wrongly and she was too nice to complain/feedback!
funny bunch.
went to the basement to buy waffles/cheese balls and i saw CT netballers! hahah more like the other way round.
it somehow feels good to be regconised.
oh and i bought some rly marvelous cookies to last me through lessons tmr
even btr than famous amos'! they're called little jerry cookies i think.
awesome awesome awesome
hahaha tm, you're very fortunate to be sitting beside me.

i have decided to change my dieting plan since thr is no way i'm gna stick to the current one.
instead of eating as little as possible to cut down on my fatty intakes,
i shall eat something every hour so as to increase my metabolism rate! that way, my body will burn all the calories at a much shorter time :D
hahaha i'm so brilliant

i'm jealous of rae like totally
two days ago i bought a pair of sony MDR-EX85LP/R
i was quite happy with it until i saw rae's shure earphones. single drive if i'm not wrong. and she was so nonchalent about it. okayi fine she didnt even know it was thaaaaaaat gooood. walaoeh hahaha

tell me what i should do to make you come back to me.
i'll fail in everything just to hear an encouragement from you.
if it kills me. that's what it takes

xoxo

p.s. sknaht :)

wise men say only fools rush in

i say, wise men have never been in love.

multiply it by infinity, take it to the depths of forever, and you will only catch a glimpse of how much i love you.

__________________________________

ytd was happening:

had sports heat (100m individual event).

had weights training.
realised how weak i am physically :(

had court with speed7 at 7.30PM
so i reached home at about 11.30PM last night and i slept after the midnight clock struck.
training was very much productive! i think my performance was a-okayi considering that i havent been on court for bloody six weeks.
maybe its because i felt less pressured plus i had an extra boost of confidence :)
oh and KNC has blue courts now (1 and 2 if i'm not wrong)
i like x 100000000
i think its best to train at night cos my body feels a whole lot less tired.

my body is aching all over though.

__________________________________

tdy started badly cos i got jabbed in the eye/nose-bridge by some asshole behind me while we were at the LT watching Narnia. hahahah guilty not?

wore my green contacts cos i dont have any regular ones left.
glad i wore them cos thr were lots of video/movie-viewing.
i dont think any teachers besides ms loo (pro vision hahah) noticed, anyw.

wasnt involved in tdy's (RV) training other than the first half hour (which was warm-up) cos of my strained quarts.
i hate doing sprints against the wind.

oh yes. trainings and class chalet do not clash! :D
which means i'm staying overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hello 2B do you read this

am looking forward to training camp
although ms loo said someth abt it being a platform to choose the players for bdiv team. up till now i'm not sure if i want to be in the main 12.
i dont even know if i'm cut out to undergo all that stress, or if i'm good enough.
sometimes i'd rather not be commited, but other times it feels as if RVNB is not just part, but my whole life.

have been looking for honeydew flavoured sweets (to no avail).

perhaps, its rly just a matter of getting used to it.
hope i do soon.

running in circles, coming up tails

heads on a science apart.

god, i love coldplay. so alternative

tdy was simply horrid. thank goodness for all the texted/IMed/phoned words of concern, brightened up my day quite a bit :)

first, i had fever in the morning and the parental unit berated me for falling ill. so i cried first thing in the morning. and the downcast mood seemingly draped itself on me like a piece of wet cloth from then

second, was typing information wholesale from trik's bio notes cos i ran out of paper and thus couldnt photocopy at home. my freaking computer hanged on me like a thousand times so i had to keep retyping. i got so damn fed up i threw the mouse on the floor and it fking died on me.
so i had to put a paper bag over my head and borrow my neighbour's mouse.
goodness gracious me.

third, my bro brought two of his unruly classmates home. and they were so rowdy they actually broke:

1. my cup
2. my glass bottle filled with stars

the whole world is against me tdy.

fourth, had made a plan with my most trustest aunt tdy. i was gna runaway from home. so i met her at dhoby ghaut. and we sat at a super crowded MOS for i think an hour with nothing but a cup of drink while everyone else just looked at us impatiently. after she talked (sense) into me for such a lonngggg time i had no choice but to go home. she notified my dad anyw.
离家出走 plan failed horribly terribly vegetably.

fifth, hangover.

hopefully tmr will be a beautiful day.

xoxo

one and only

hey, evol.

in case you never get to see my PM on 5 october 2008, here it is:
i love you more than my heart can take.

study rly rly rly hard cos at the end of it all, its gna be worth it.
if you're mugging, i'm half mugging :)

if you ever feel down, stressed, crushed, demoralised, whatever it may be, you know who you can always turn to. you know the monkey will always be behind you, breaking your fall, saying stupid things to brighten up your day.

i might have been a terrible other half throughout this whole time, but things are gna change from now on.
trust, faith, love.

jiayou! :D

xoxo

its like learning to fly, or falling in love

its gna happen when its supposed to happened that we find the reasons why,
one step at a time.

okayi so i went to sch with rafflesia ong tse yin tdy morning. we were kind of idiotic. like srsly.
um we met at jurong east mrt station's control panel. then we walked to 97 berth at the interchange to like, catch the bus. after walking all the way thr, we saw that thr was freaking lot of people, so we turned back and took the train to commonwealth instead.
ahya doesnt sound that nincompoop-ish here but i'd swear (if i was the kind who did) it seemed so stupid/funny then.

dont know how i will survive my last term of year two sitting with someone like that goldfish/cat/flower/what else ar? hahaha.

players' review was not as scary as i thought it would have been, even though sitting directly opposite ms loo one-on-one was a tad intimidating

anyw i thought training was awesome tdy :D
partly cos we started with the MC warm-up ---> ball-tagging game.
GO RVNB !!!
oh and hhaha, we ended with like a "happy coaches' day to you" songggggg for ms loo. almost got a ride home from her!
p.s. do note that i was the one who rejected her generously kind offer
p.p.s my dear yeyun, if you are reading this please dont be mad.

momo called from UK just a while ago. she was crying rly hard, scared the living hell outta me i thought her cat died or someth
i could only make out (the words between her uncontrollable sobs) that she was gna have to breakup with her blue-eyed boyfriend because she is coming back to singapore. and she cant bear to do so.
and she knows long-distance relationships will never work out for her.
or someth along this line. then i realised how silly i am, to have an option and still choose to "leave" that one person i cant live without.
HSK tmr. sucks.

xoxo

and i absolutely agree

世界上最遥远的距离. 不是 生与死. 而是 我就站在你面前 你却不知道我多爱你

世界上最遥远的距离，不是我站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你
而是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起

世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起
而是明明无法抵挡这股想念，却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里

世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明无法抵挡这股想念， 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里
而是用自己冷漠的心对爱你的人掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠

p.s. thanks junyuan.

search me

"you just dont know how much you miss us. dont live in self-delusion any longer, with open arms, receive us. you will realise the joy we bring :D"
to the one who resides in my heart (permanently).

trik and i are currently comparing the depth of our love. as in not OUR love as in she and i but, our love FOR someone yeh.
here are snippets of our conversation that you might not fully understand:

[i am:](BECAUSE) I LOVE MC/ says:
see
(BECAUSE) I LOVE MC/ says:
see
(BECAUSE) I LOVE MC/ says:
see how much
(BECAUSE) I LOVE MC/ says:
i love mc
[she is:]yep says:
seee see seee seeeeeeeee saw
yep says:
you tihnk you very good ah!

[i become:](BECAUSE) I LOVE FERNIE/ says:
i call her fernie lei
[she becomes:]because fernie chen huifen loves me! says:
hahahahahha
because fernie chen huifen loves me! says:
mine nicer la

[then i say:](BECAUSE) I LOVE FERNIE/ says:
she loves me even morer!
[then she says:]because fernie chen huifen loves me! says:
she loves me even morest!

okayi then we both got very agitated and the rest is history.
R(est) I(n) P(eace) tricia kok yi(n) tong - you will be dearly missed (my foot my knee my hip my arms my face my fernie).

do you know how good it feels to be able to like, love someone openly? hahaha

anyw, i have concluded that contact lenses, yes that thing i once announced was the greatest invention of all time, causes madarosis. go find out what it means luh
(most of the) everytime i try to put my contacts on/take them off i lose one (or sometimes even more :O) eyelash. and according to wiki, "eyelashes take about seven to eight weeks to grow back if pulled out."
and my mom said that 'your baby eyelashes are the longest ones.' of cos she didnt put it in a sentence as structurally correct as that.
:(
"An eyelash or simply lash is one of the hairs that grow at the edge of the eyelid. Eyelashes protect the eye from debris and perform some of the same function as whiskers do in the sense that they are sensitive to being touched, thus providing a warning that an object (such as an insect or dust mite) is near the eye (which is then closed reflexively)."
well, when i lose enough lashes i might consider growing whiskers as an alternative. thanks wiki

there was this complain program on the radio ytd and i was listening to it. it was quite hilarious cos it really showcased yours truly singaporeans
ERP, toilet paper, tuition, government, school uniforms, fish, sentosa and whatnots.
because i was talking (okayi not really, more like laughing 90% while he just 'whaaaaaaaaaat'-ed the whole way) with sanjay on the phone, i asked him to tune into that program
and he said, "why would i? no point what, i listen to your complains on a daily basis."

common tests are almost over. just one last maths paper to go.
um i'll most prolly get a single-digit score for my chem test.
kissed my new laptop goodbye and i am awaiting damnation

um watched olympics diving tdy morning.
finally dawned on me why so many people are hooked onto the many events. tanya especially, who wouldnt miss a guy's event for a fun-packed morning (run) with yours truly.
some of the (male) divers' bodies were reaaaaaaaaallyyyyyy hot.
hahahaha but
[hueychyi aka:]No pain, no gain says:
no
No pain, no gain says:
cmon lah
No pain, no gain says:
u dont watch sports jus for the bodies

actually.. i'm kinda like, blogging in the middle of my younger bro's birthday party. he is turning eight (on 25 AUG).
its not my fault that i'm being so anti cos i really dont know how to communicate with them! i asked this (really cute) six year old brother of my bro's friend, "hello what's your name!"
and he pointed his (or rather, my bro's) gun at me and shouted "bang! bang!" then he ran away.
then i tried to watch TV with them but they changed channels every ten seconds. i got all dizzy and stuff. even thought i was migraine-risked
so i am back in my room.
waiting for the cut-cake-time

and i shall start mugging for math. like real

ciao!

and i hate how much i love you, i cant stand how much i need you

and i hate how much i love you, and i just cant let you go.
everytime you ask me to "believe in what [you] i think" my heart breaks a little more. every time you reject me, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, it numbs me inside out.
He turned to Allie and laced his fingers through her own, squeezing nearly to the point of pain. 'Three months ago, if you asked me, i would have told you that if you really loved someone, you'd let them go. But now i look at you, and i dream about Maggie, and i see that i've been wrong. If you really love someone, Allie, i think you have to take them back.'

- jodi picoult, mercy

just read through my classmate's blogs. tseyin's recent post (which commented on my laughter) flattered me a bit hahaha :D
unfortunately, or rather fortunately, i am not the pervert you think i am sorry to disappoint you eh (inside thingum)
claire's post, however, made me reminicise (?) about the really engagingly funnaye moments with ms chew. yes she used to stomp into the classroom in an unfeminine fashion and bellow "(good) afternoon!"
oh my MC(s) :(

anyw, i am/have sore: heart
- throat
- eye
and i am running a [high(er)] temperature now
i was fine this morning anyw.
oh yeah yuyan's my happy tree :D

went to vivo with fish hyung right after classes ended. ate and bought some stuff and walked etc hahahah the usual things :)
you um, know *tikko look*
hahahah nah joking luh.
came back and watched the juniors for a while before deciding that seeing them do stretching excercises was Boring (with a capital B)
reached home relatively early and i brought back fish's phone by mistake whooops :S

you dont decide who survives in a car crash,

10th day without ms chen;
7 days till breaking dawn is released;
28 days till i see momo again -

you cant tame me, when you've set me free

but tonight, my eyes are screaming for the sight of you.

my brothers are screaming again! how gay, i know. i mean, how can someone as cool as me have such siblings tsk
smart people dont sit in the living room with the maid and listen to her tell indonesian ghost stories.... ... ... ....
and end up scurrying into my room in frightttttt - and look is that a glimmer at the edge of your eye, oh my is that a tear!
walaoeh srsly hahahhaha my brothers are like so whatever hahahhaha

i have just finished packing for the WEST MALAYSIA TRIP tmr!
hmm i'll be gone for like, three days "dont miss me too much" (as quoted from eeeeeethel haha)
briefly looked through the itinery and it doesnt seem very much as exciting as i hoped it would be :(
plus they didnt mention anyth about the fireflies watching/viewing the seniors had last year! :O
i do hope we get a chance to see those little thingums maybe it'll sorta be like a surprise for us or someth
ZOMG I AM GETTING MORE EXCITEDDDDDD WOOHOOOO !!!
ar william um dont be too upset that you're not be joining us i'm sure the class will bring someth back for you yeap (if you're reading this :D)

MS PUVA IS AMAZING
she talked to me during jnr's training today
in that mere five minutes she inspired me to put in my all for netball, play my 100%, train hard and work towards b'div
enough of seeing half-hearted runs, enough of watching me step out of court with "regret" all over my face, enough of lousy performances, enough is enough
today you shall (all) be my witness(es):
since mp believes in me, i will not disappoint her. never
just. watch. me.

lois said i'm a trend-setter
if you've seen me around with my pinkkk (star) wand, for your info that's the original one that yuyan made for me.
basically its a star folded using a straw, connected to another longgg straw so that it looks like a wand
the first one you know !!!
hahhaha the rest of 'em are copypigs who decided to follow suit
anyw, (sorry yuyan) i lost my pink one ytd :(
but i've got a purple one alreadyy hahahaha my magic wands magic magic
i am still waiting for my one hundred wands tied tgt. oh its okay you people can queue up, dont rush, eh dont cut queue lah!
i'll wait for your wands hahahahahhaa
i'm joking (but its a hint)

sanjay came over to collect some of the sugaroids (the hard rocky sugar breadcookies i baked with him ytd)!
well we think they're successful cos they're quarter-crispy and as sweet as love
they taste better without the drizzled milk chocolate, though
oh and i got the baking recipe from THE COOKIE BOOK kristal gave me ahhahahah
fortunate international school kids are gonna have their summer holidays soon! even though there arent even seasons in singapore!
lucky (i dont believe in ... nevermind) kid eh sanjay D<

if i continue ranting
i'll never wake up in time to reach sch at 6.30AM tmr
RV's set to kill us i mean what an unearthly hour
i havent been taking the first train for ages, oh wait my dad has a car hahahahha

ciao!
ciao!
ciao!

"i'm leavin', never looking back again"

EDITED @ 1.09PM
back to back com lab lessons cos ms tan (geog tcher) isnt here today! we are supposed to research but if i'm not wrong no one is doing so :P
the keyboard here is so much betterrrrrrrrrrrrr
kbye.

__________________________________________

... ... on a G5 (G5 G5 G5)
... ... watching you (watching you watching you watching you)
... ... amazing (amazing amazing amazing)
... ... let it rain (let it rain let it rain let it rain)
hahahah trik and fish (and livia lim too) rocks to the pear core!

PE was suckish. not that it was entirely the relief tcher's fault

anyw i feel jolly and shandy. no lah
anyw i feel happy now cos i talked to my _______ just before i came to the com lab :)

speaking of computer lessons, the real tcher is back. she has expectations and stuff so i probably wouldnt be blogging (much) in her period anymore
oh and we were made to sit according to reg. numbers so i am at another computer right now.
which is great (for me) cos the spaceboard here is slightly better.
but it isnt as cold here so there isnt really a need but i've still got my team jacket on anyw :D
*flashes you-know-what*
its weird how i havent gotten over this novelty (cos i get bored of things easily)
but then again i dont think i will ever get tired of this

i am having second thoughts abt sanjay's uniform prommmm :S
but i told him i would go!
somehow going to an international school's mini-hall in my pinafore at 9PM for fries and fried fishballs doesnt seem as appealing as it did two days ago
and imagine how much work has to be done in order to lose the fat gained over that one hour (if i eventually graced the event)
though i would very like to go over and sit down to just boy-gaze and snigger to myself when i mentally compare them with RV guys.
oh whoops
i/we'll see how it goes (bah) it isnt everyday my parents allow me to go for someth like that with someone like that, heh

oh and congrats RVNB on the ENL school's div champion title!

i am going to start studying hardd from now on/today. um no, for a start i am going to start studying
my dad has found a way to motivate me yay
if i get 3.5GPA for this term i'll get a laptop/notebook/tablet of my choice
knowing me i'd most likely get everyth upgraded and personalised till the cost blows up my dad eh. and i'm not even thinking of a macbook (air) :O
which is really grrrrrrr-ing cos um the highest i've ever hit so far is a mere 3.3 and dangzxc i know i've failed (horribly, in fact) that day's freaking maths test walaoeh
if i dont hit this um goal i'd have to wait till year end and hit 3.3GPA which is also um. hard. hard is an understatement
but sports seminar (link?) has made me a changed person - champions kick their butts they dont give up (inside uh, statement/joke)!

xoxo
i want to belong (to you), still

everything means nothing, if i aint got you, still

okay hi i'm bored
i have finished my (today's) homework! surprise surprise i am capable of being responsible you know. my attitude is like a choice it just so happens that i feel in the mood today
hell yeah i know i'm supposed to be studying for friday's maths test. chide me for being negative or whatsoever but i dont feel like burrying my head in the textbook and/or worksheets because i know i am bound to fail. more or less

okay hi i'm still bored
have resorted to deleting/sorting out my 321 friendster and facebook (both services of which i've stopped using anyw) and spam and a few rare important emails.
and i'm still shitass boreddddd die

alright i shall blog about my day in detail. like small weeny beeny details

1. i walked one round around the track with trik hyunggggg today morning while reading like some 5June's chinese newspaper hahahahahahaha
2. i got really jealous of rae's green clover carebear named "sunday"
3. i didnt attention in maths. but i was doing maths
4. i ate hokkien mee
5. other half took off with my shawtyyyyyyyy during break and she didnt return it till after CID
6. hueychyi thinks that her rrot (this small carrot plushie she has been carrying around with her) is cuter than my shawty and all my other carebears
7. so we started going around asking for opinions from classmates etc and most of 'em thought rachel/shawty was cuter :D
8. i went to the loo during malay lesson and i saw nicole paying attention in class
9. tried to be nice to yeyun
10. whywhy and jiarui's birthday celebration! the pictures are with me but i cant find my olympus camera cable so till then

oh yay imma talk to my darlinggggggggg <3

xoxo
twenty days we will mean nothing to each other

27 x 1000 words

procastination kills

and imma die tomorrow. any last words?
oh c'mon dont be shy you can proclaim your love to me its alright :D
i know that i am no longer as important.
__________________________________
EDITED @ 8.13PM
for the one millionth time i wondered why everyone was ignoring me/not replying to my messages. now i know why!
my inbox was full i got upset for nothing and really i am the person who has supposedly dao-ed them whoops hahaha okay bye
__________________________________

i listened to Boys II Men's Four Seasons Of Loneliness 15 times today! its quite an emo-y love song (like a lot of their songs are but nice noneoftheless) if you really listen to the lyrics:
i know you look at me differently from what you used to, you show it.
I long for the warmth of days gone by
When you were mine
But now those days are memories in time
Life's empty without you by my side
My heart belongs to you
No matter what I try

When I get courage up to love somebody new
It always falls apart 'cause they just
Can't compare to you
Your love won't release me
I'm bound under ball and chain
Reminiscing our love as I watch four season's change

Chorus:
In comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes its way here
Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume
When summer burns with heat
I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dippin' in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

Remember the nights when we closed our eyes
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time
Anytime I think about these things is shared with you
I break down and cry 'cause I get so emotional
Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain
Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change

Chorus

This loneliness Has crushed my heart
Please let me love again
'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain
Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again

shitzxc i dont feel like doing my homework already.
haha i really have no idea why that OMG! nicole aspires to blog like me someday.
and she thinks that its funny that i'm lazy. ()h miie tian ^^
is it selfish of me to still want you to love me wholeheartedly?
i feel quite sad that my angel matt is gonna be enlisted in the army/serving in camp next month.
you shouldnt and i should not want this
oh and thank god, my grandmother's feeling so much better! just yesterday she was unable to walk and that scared me quite a bit.
but the thing is, i do. i do, so much
xoxo

i will pick you up when you fall

well had weights + (sucky) training (for me luh at least) with, ahem, moses chan (or moises chan as rae pronounced it) :D

after that had truckloads of fun interrogating phoebe (with trik hyung and a little of yeyun), daughter of stall no. 3 uncle (fat fat fat fat fat fat fat umbrella father as she calls it haha). well we thought she was sort of abused at home so the righteous duo we are decided to seek out the truth.
but it was anti-climax.
phoebe is talented in music (no sarcasm) and she has a fairly expensive harmonica of which she occasionally uses her nose to play (quite gross actually).

after hyung left vivo (oh we went there) i became a little emo-istic so i decided to drop by at my greatgrandparents' because visiting them always makes me feel like a little happy kid again!
and i havent seen them in a really long time!
glad i went over to drop them stuff from breadtalk i bought because i felt a whole lot better.

went home.
cried for like half an hour plus minus and i thought it was awfully amazing to be able to do so for such a long time haha (but it was very the tiring).
mosa decided to drop by and we spontaneously decided to play basketball! :D
i think he's good (i mean i knew that he was a basketballer but he sorta awed me).

_________________________________________

and i got tagged by faye (chow) grrrrr

100 Questions Quiz (zomg)

Instructions:
Remove 1 question from the above add in your own personal question, and bold it.
Next, list 10 people whom you would you want them to do this, at the end of the post.
Answer all the questions.

1.What's the connection between you & the last person that called you?
- connection hur, low signal/connectivity lei whoops sorry that's lame my other half

2. When do you ever turn your cell phone off?
- never unless the battery's totally flat. or when i am avoiding someone(s).

3. What happened at 10.00am today?
- training with moses chan *giggles*

4. When did you last cry?
- so sensitive worx hours ago

5. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
- jelly

6. What do you want in your life right now?
- the opposite of ambiguity

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
- i'd very much rather walk in the rain, but then again it depends on how my hair is done up that day. like i would use an umbrella (however retro the flower and checker pattern is) if i had my fringe down because wet fringe is gross (like totally). or i wouldnt have to do either cos rainy days are the most most most awesome times to sleep.
eh wah so long seh my answer

8. What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?
- glow-in-the-dark cushion/pillow

9. What bottom are you wearing now?
- red boxers with toy car prints on it do you want any more details

10. Whats the nicest text in your inbox say?
- my text fonts are all ugly (and mind you thats not what it said)

11. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
- yes

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
- yes i am wearing cleo's shirt (which i have no intention of returning)

13. What was the last movie you caught?
- kungfu panda.

14. What are you proud of?
- i am as dark as a dark

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
- "Trik was w you both? Ha, thanks anyway! I love sushi."

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
- Coldplay's Yellow

17. Do you have any nicknames? What are they?
- you know...

18. What does your last received text message say? Who was it from?
- walaoeh what a sensitive question! um it says "ching ching died" i'm serious thats it. trik hyung lor

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
- you mean morning hur, 2AM something

20. Are you currently happy?
- now, like now? like at 11.44pm? no

21. Who gives you best advice?
- depends on what sort of advice i need

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
- yes !!! yes !!! yes !!!

23. Who did you talk on phone last night? (is there supposed to have like a "with" and a "the" in the sentence?)
- a few people.

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
- you betcha.

25. What/Who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
- trik's freaking dumb sms/trik

26. Do you wear toe socks?
- um ya my room is that cold and i feel insecure without them. no lah of cos not

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
- alfred

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- yes

29. What annoys you most in a person?
- i dont know

30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
- maybe

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
- no. is cocaine like chocolate of is that cocoa ahya forget it

32. What is the colour of your room?
- one wall is deep pink and the rest is cheesecake yellow

Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
- depends, maybe i'll do it for the kick. eh but the person must not bleed while i'm at it or i'll be the one wishing i was dead

34. Do you believed in the saying "talk is cheap"?
- words can mean a great deal thought sometimes actions speak louder
i dont know lah

35. Who was the last person to lay in your bed?
- jovan

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
- jovan

37. What do you want to say to the person you have a crush on?
- um, nice weather ar today, good for kite flying and horse riding and golf-riding. oh and reading too! oh and listening to music. and playing hangman! and.. and.. and.. etc
ahya i dont know okayi?!?!

38. Do you have a life?
- no if i had you wouldnt be reading this :D

39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didn't?
- isnt it supposed to be "..ever thought someone..." okayi nehmind walaoeh what a difficult question, next!

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
- i'm song-less

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
- i dont dream (much)

42. Last time you smiled?
- mommy gave me five bucks hahah

43. Have you changed this year?
- a lot.

44. What are you listening to right now?
- Tal Bachman's Aeroplane

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
- msn

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
- closed. i mean, who walks with eyes open?!?! hur what a silly question i love bumping into rubbish bins shit does anyone realise this is only the 46th question i'm not even halfway there shitzxc you faye

47. Is there a quote you live by?
- yes !!!
it goes like this: everything will be fine in the end. if things are not going fine it simply means its not the end. but the end will come very soon :D
um thats not really a quote thingum whoops

48.Do you want someone you can't have?
- YES

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
- yes

50. What was the worst idea you've had in week?
- ten shots.

51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
- reading/msning

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
- love life, what love life?! i dont know.

53. What song describe your love life?
- love life, what love life?! i dont know.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
- love? like? who what hur

55. Who always make you laughs?
- generally all my friends but my hyungs and cleo particular. and the quiz setter has grammar issues lah
laughs! do you laughs? or do i laughs?

56. Do you speak other language other than English?
- ditto

57. Are you blond?
- black.

58. What your middle name?
- punctuality considerate (aw i really miss cdiv 08 ms puva and perth trip)

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
- (dont know yet but) imma bball in the morning with mosa.

60. What do you think you are like?
- dont know lei.

61. Who will you choose to die with?
- ar

62.Where have you been today?
- rvhs vivo home basketball court ++

63. What game do you play often?
- mindgames (i play others! joking lah)

64. Who are you missing right now?
- :( other half

65. If you've to choose between friend & love, who will you choose?
- omg what

66. What are you doing right now?
- contemplating if i should complete this quiz.

67. Which primary school are you from?
- unity primary school, where results are secondary, unity is primary (hahah)

68. Name 3 colours that you like
- MC green! two other colours

69. What emotion you like to show?
- i dont know i hide them sometimes

70. What is life to you?
- journey

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
- blog? emo-shitzxc? tell someone (or something hahah no lah not that um anti)?

72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
- kyra!

73. Who do you admire the most?
- i dont know lei i mean like, besides myself ar, hmm this is hard.
JOKING! i really dont know

74. Which month are you born in?
- april

How are you feeling right now?
- cold

76. What is the time now?
- 12.11AM

77. Where are you now?
- home

78. What colour did you use to dye hair?
- you think lei.

79. Why are you doing this test?
- because i wanted to give faye some face.

80. What do you do when you're moody?
- moody moody.

81. At which age you wish to get marry?
- um see how haha

82. Who is more important to you? Boyfriend or friends?-
big fish! small fish!

83. Do you think you have enough confident?
- CONFIDENCE IS IT?!? have lah, i mean see what i just typed. it depends

84. Who is the person you trust the most?
- other half

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
- yup

86. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
- close physical contact with zac efron (like a picture or someth although i am alr very happy with my makeshift picture of zac efron's standup cardboard and i haha)

87. What is your goal for this year?
- balance, GPA 3.0 sighhhhhhh

88. Do you believe in eternity love?
- yes, lord almighty

89. What do you love?
- who, or what?

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
- ar. hahahhahahaha

91. What feeling you hate the most?
- rejection. or insecurity choose one for me

92. you cherish every single friendship of yours?
- not as much as i think i should be but i promise to try harder

93. Do you believe in God?
- yes and my GOD is an awesome GOD

94. Who cares for you the most?
- would like to know tyvm

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
- i dont know. happiness is it hahah so political. or money hahahhaaha

96. What'll you bring when you fight?
- MY BULLY GANG HYUNGS! want fight ar

97. What have you regretted doing in your whole life?
- dont know. but got a lot. like poor performance in cdiv 08 and/or bad captainship

98. At a point of time in your life, have you ever felt that there was no hope in everything you did?
- YES

99. What if your stead two-timed you?
- die loh.

100. What do you want now?
- to sleep.

i forgot to personalise my own question but goodness i am shaggggggggggggggged so nights
xoxo

seems like its been forever since you've been gone, please come back home

okayi alright say hi to strawbeary, sunkiss' (number two) best friend! :D

not bad sia, i think its been ages since i came to my grandma's house cos i just realised that they do have internet access after all! thrrreeeeeeee cheeeeerrrrrrrs
but then there's only like this one freaking laggggg laptop and everyone in the house queues to use it (and somehow i'm always last in the line grr).
anyw yes i am gonna stay here (at my grand's) for six days (oh die thats like so long) because my grandmommmm went to macau and she left her dearest dog in singapore, so we've gotta take care of it.
elmo (the silver mini schnauzer) is so very pampered he/it cant sleep anywhere else but here so the whole company (parental department + co-units) has to stay over.
big-shot dog.

went over to trik's house after training and boy am i terribly sorry for sorta um, pangsehing rae yeyun lois kristal (cos i didnt go to vivo in the end)
i'm sure those magnanimous people will forgive me/trik, yes yes yes.
watched like a few episodes of this super exciting hongkong serial (if i'm not wrong its called the best ever crime-fighters or something like that loh) and livia hyung joined us!
watched and watched and watched and we shared a slice of cheese.
thaaaat cheese went up my nose! and i blew it out!
(hahahah hyung the pastamania incidentttttt) it was really gross.
i can still smell that stench of the cheese (not that i mind now).
but its so strong i think it'll stay in there for the nexttt hundred days (okay i do mind can)!
ate (very late) dinner at her place.
livia says that zac (trik's eight year old brother) likes me but i beg to differrr.
sigh i think trik's maid/househelper is terribly rude to her and my oh my our dearest hyung does not deserve to be treated that way!
walaoeh, dare to bully a bully ganggg member siaaaaa.

hahahhahhahahhaha.
the skirt incident in schoool.
i hope kristal has found the/her correct skirt! :D

i think my computer time is almost up - we have internet rationing here, tsk.
my brother the irritating is screaming in the background.
okayi this is so abrupt goodbye and goodnight.

i miss you and i will continue to the next six days :(

p.s. post dedicated to my momo will come up when i return to my yew tee home. happy waitingggggg my deaaaaaars.