it can happen to anyone of us, say you will forgive me

screw the (or rather, my) blogging hiatus, or screw me if you wish because i initiated it. i need to rant and i need someone to hear (or read). someone true, hopefully you.
true friends see things in me i dont know of myself.
like a pile of beautiful mess, instead of shrunken shit and what not.
for some reasons i will not admit myself, i am not looking forward to my month's worth of break. i think the insane shitzxc pile of homework and my outside commitments (you know you can love something but hate it at the same time, this it it) will kill me. i guess netball has meek importance this holiday because i am not involved in a big part of it. God, i feel so small.
or maybe i am just scared of finding what's on the other side of this world, and the fact that this side waiting to be uncovered, though carefully hidden from a child's eyes, is not very different from what i know.
thing is, i know a lot. more than i should. i hate what i know.
but really, knowing something doesnt make it any easier for you to accept it. false pretence.
some things will never change.
i am certain about my disdain, so thats not something worth any of you (who knows) fretting over.

never made it as a wise man/

i skipped service today, because i didnt feel like it. instead, i snuggled up at the couch in the other part of the building reading jodi picoult's the pact. i'm done with it and its up for grabs (after livia, that is).
plus i needed quiet time. to recover from my hangover.

sins of omissions, i must have overlooked them ten million times.

ahya i shall not engulf myself in reprop qwerty thoughts and suffocate to death. i have pictures but blogger is unfortunately, furged up. perhaps, viewer descretion is advised that's why, haha.

how many times have we thought nothing of these warnings and signs,

i think i'm going out (again) with xurong later.
oh and i need a dress (horror horror) for my dance night II! this time cleo will not go shopping with me because i have not (and will never) forgiven her for influencing me to buy that tp-er i ended up discarding into the give-aways.
i need someone (more) practical (whoops).

at the end of the day, have i really lost myself
would it take a lifetime

p.s. i cut my hair.