i stand in the line just to hit a new low

i'm faking a smile with the coffee to go.

i just returned from training.
today, i sucked as hell on court, and i re-injured my ankle.

i'm getting tired of being optimistic.
honestly, i'm just lying to myself week after week.
"my performance will get better"
"i'll get my runs back! the drives!"
"well no biggie i'll just have to work harder on my passes"
things like that?
self-delusion. i can't find a better term.

my play is not improving. as a matter of fact it's going so downhill, i feel that i'm just wasting everyone's time and efforts.
i miss how it was on court so much.
to be in control.

time is slipping out of my hands.
NL's in like, a freaking month away.
and i want to play for seven.
well actually i dont just want to play for seven,
i want to play well for seven.

to all of you, especially those who were here today, i dont think you'll ever see this but,
i'm sorry. charis, della, funny, jasmine, mel, salim, qiuying, the twins,
i'm sorry. dont think i even deserve to be sharing the same bib with you guys.
i dont know how to tell you, how sorry i really am.

for being so sucky.

i'm a big big girl in a big big world

its not a big big thing if you leave me. or if i leave you

i wont even fking care if you disappear from the face of earth. never again will i have anything to do with you. let's draw the line, for real this time.

______________________________________

so my daddy should be in taiwan now. didnt go to church cos of some family issues tdy morning. my mom, bro and i ended up at causeway point whr we spent four hundred dollars.

my new pencil case. no joke

retail therapy came too early.

but perhaps, thr is a btr alternative. one which numbs totally

i choose to have no air.

- misses .

and darling,
I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET YOU (AGAIN)!

will youuuuuuuuuuuu forgive me? :/

bastardized

sorry hueychyi.
sorry nicole.
sorry alfred.
sorry for taking you people for someone you (all) are not (and will never be).

i'm losing it.