painful realisation that all has gone wrong

EDITED @ 9.07PM

have just finished reading picture perfect and goddamnit the tears are threatening to fall.
love. compassion. fear. hatred. remorse. guilt. passion. abuse.
will you leave the person you love the most, when staying on just brings you more hurt?
when there are multiple sides to that one person, will you wait and struggle through the tough times just for rare, short moments of having his/her true self be given selflessly to you?
you just dont know, that i love you so fking much it literally kills. but what can i do?
___________________________________________

a side stepping has come to be a brilliant dance.
.. and breathing is a foreign task,
and thinking's just too much to ask.
and you're measuring your minutes
by a clock that's blinking eights.

___________________________________________

["The moment they came together, Cassie understood why they belonged to each other. He filled her, and she took away his scars.
Cassie wrapped her arms around Alex's neck, surprised by the tears that leaked from the edges of her eyes. She turned her face to the open window, breathing in the sweet mix of herself and Alex and endless ocean.
She was drifting off to sleep when Alex's voice slipped over her.
"You dont have to get your memory back, Cass. I know who you are."
"Oh?" she said, smiling.
She drew Alex's arms around her. "Who am i?"
She felt Alex' peace curl against her like a benediction. He pulled her back against his front, into the place where she just fit.
"You're my other half," he said.]

[I tried to watch them but people miled between us, pumping my hand up and down and speaking platitudes that could have been a foreign language.
I lost my view of Alex in a sea of suntanned faces. I thought i might actually faint, although i'd never done that in my entirely life, and then out of nowhere Alex stood at my side once again and i realised i hadn'e been ill at all;
it was just that half of me had been missing.]

- Jodi Picoult, Picture Perfect
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tanya needed some hamster food.
so i gave her a set of instructions to get to my place. that was at 6.15pm.
it's been almost an hour and she's still not here yet.
hahaha apparently she got lost because she cant discern right from left.
i have really queer friends :)

anyw, came back not very long ago. was doing work with trik and kristal at west mall's subway.
well, at least i was. productive :D
though i think i took in more food than facts.
then we went to popular and bought like loads of stationery.
i spent like thirteen bucks (+ trik's pen which costs 1.35bucks). so gna claim it from the parental unit or i'd have to join the duo's plan of not eating during break for like, three days.
was at risk of being complained abt cos we were freaking noisy.
"hahaha what to do? first time in popular what."

raffles is not the same tiny ball of fur anymore :)
she's getting reaaaally big. and round. fat.
am afraid she might just not fit into the slide or the excercising wheel anymore.
hahaha but definitely still damn adorable.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

zac efron was on the cover of lime! didnt rly like the photoshoot picture though, didnt buy the magazine

gna cont reading picture perfect.
then i'm gna study.
then i'm gna do my sit-ups/crunches/abs excercises for im determined to rid myself of this newly aquired paunch (goodness gracious :O) and restore my neat little ab line hahahha

ciao

and i hate how much i love you, i cant stand how much i need you

and i hate how much i love you, and i just cant let you go.
everytime you ask me to "believe in what [you] i think" my heart breaks a little more. every time you reject me, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, it numbs me inside out.
He turned to Allie and laced his fingers through her own, squeezing nearly to the point of pain. 'Three months ago, if you asked me, i would have told you that if you really loved someone, you'd let them go. But now i look at you, and i dream about Maggie, and i see that i've been wrong. If you really love someone, Allie, i think you have to take them back.'

- jodi picoult, mercy

just read through my classmate's blogs. tseyin's recent post (which commented on my laughter) flattered me a bit hahaha :D
unfortunately, or rather fortunately, i am not the pervert you think i am sorry to disappoint you eh (inside thingum)
claire's post, however, made me reminicise (?) about the really engagingly funnaye moments with ms chew. yes she used to stomp into the classroom in an unfeminine fashion and bellow "(good) afternoon!"
oh my MC(s) :(

anyw, i am/have sore: heart
- throat
- eye
and i am running a [high(er)] temperature now
i was fine this morning anyw.
oh yeah yuyan's my happy tree :D

went to vivo with fish hyung right after classes ended. ate and bought some stuff and walked etc hahahah the usual things :)
you um, know *tikko look*
hahahah nah joking luh.
came back and watched the juniors for a while before deciding that seeing them do stretching excercises was Boring (with a capital B)
reached home relatively early and i brought back fish's phone by mistake whooops :S

you dont decide who survives in a car crash,

10th day without ms chen;
7 days till breaking dawn is released;
28 days till i see momo again -

and i'd do it all over again, still

A smile stole across Jamie's face, so completely transforming him that Allie would not have recognised him if she'd seen him on the street. 'Then you're the one.'
Allie blinked at him. 'The one what?'
'The one who loves more.' He moved closer to the desk, and the handcuffs tapped against the metal edge as he inadvertently made gestures. 'You know its never fifty-fifty in a marriage (or relationship). It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along the ride.'

- jodi picoult, mercy
are you, or am i, the one?
church today, as usual! just that i went for both 8AM and 11AM worship. sat with my parents the first session.
i was intending to leave right after combined bible class but then um joan jeremy etc somehow managed to persuade me to stay.
think my brain was in my ass or someth.
anyw, I MISS YOU MATTHEW TNG (INSERT CHINESE NAME)!
that stupid angel enlisted into NS :(
no one in church has a voice as loud, bellowing, powerful, mighty as yours! boohoo baldie

its my mommy's birthday today! and i almost forgot

okayi off to eat my baked beans hahahahahah.
heard that NS food sucks

xoxo