it all boils down to this, doesnt it?

this morning at 6.24AM, i meekly showed my result slip to daddy. he hastily signed it before going back to sleep and i thought he was letting me off. kinda dubious, and i should have known. let's just say i was optimistic.
my happiness/optimism was not to be; he fetched me home from KNC at night and i got a real long tongue-lashing. it was all one-sided talk, because really, what could i have said?
we made a compromise: if i do not get at least 3.0 for next term's GPA, i will be cut off from my netball entity.
to be honest i dont think i can do it. not at the rate i'm flunking all my tests (there were three today, btw). half the battle's already gone. and it really isn't that i don't want to learn or anything. i'd love to study stars and constellations, about animals and how to run a zoo, about the mechanism of languages and such. but i'm not cut out to be the best of friends with numbers (math to be exact), sciences like chem, and i take my hats off to you unsympathizing people who get your regular 'A's.
it's all about interest.
it's all about the heart.
it's all about effort,
the time you put into every subject.
but what if i'm really, sad to say, not cut out for studying?
i just want to be is a happy zookeeper. if i dont graduate, dont get a degree, and end up being job-less when i grow up, i guess i'll just be MCFC's secretary forever.

met T at harbourfront right after school.

rushed back at two-ish to take year one juniors for training. i think not a single part of it was productive and it isn't entirely the juniors' fault.
we've been doing the exact same things over and over again every single week.
it gets boring and everyone's losing interest, but how do we move on when basics are not grasped?
then us seniors get tired of repeating the same words over and over, and we dont take this training thing seriously anymore.
half the time we're lazing around, talking or playing by ourselves, leaving only the few dedicated and patient year3s to get the program running.
it's no wonder no one looks up to us, we dont instill fear, we dont command respect.
i know how it feels to be ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem, but even so we know we're so much better than this. we can do it together.

anyw, after that played a little of tennis at the school's no-net court :)

then went to KNC for club's killer training.
the first hot-spot drill qiuying may and i did already seemingly detached my limbs from my body
but good workout as usual, seven up! :D
at the end had a not very surprising belated birthday surprise for coach! :)
huge, good, chunky choc banana cake from secret recipe, a birthday song, and a card (thanks ho!)
no pictures cos the lights at the court were switched off in the mid of the cake-cutting ceremony and we all had to shift to the brighter place outside office. anti-climax.
i like fri cos the attendance is higher and we always get to do more varied drills

where do i start?

thanks for being with me throughout :)

MCFC, this is for every single one of you!

i know, i know! but don't get so excited just yet, i'll explain it in a moment, somewhere in this predictably long post :)

i have nothing much to say about classes for now, except that i was really delighted and rather relieved cos we didn't have to present our CID P.I. in LT today. but some things i cant avoid forever, so next week grrrrr i am the forced speaker :(

after school i did corrective work order for forty five mins cos i've been late four times this year already. i went to all the year 1 to 3 classrooms to count tables (which has under-desk, which doesnt etc) !! then i had to tidy up some unusually dirty classrooms. so anyw, if you realise that your class is somehow cleaner than it's supposed to be, or if your desks are perfectly aligned but no one is admitting to having done extra duty, YOU KNOW ITS ME :) :) :)

stayed back for RV vs Yuan Ching game and it was quite close? but keep going RVNB take them all down one at a time and when you reach the peak you''ll see how wonderful it is to have everyone looking up to you :)

kristal randomly suggested going to cold rock right after the match ended so she lois jiarui and i rushed to holland v to fill ourselves with the most awesome mix-in icecream !!
we ate more than three mere kiddy scoops!














spent like, more than thirty bucks in all? could've stuffed ourselves silly, literally, had we lavishly used the money at island creamery, but it was worth it cos it has been ages since i last went to cold rock! bubblegum icecream :) :) :)

then we went on to party city to get a helium balloon for miss chen !!
a pink heart-shaped one, baby :)
then we decided to decorate it with (three, to be exact) post-it notes and this is where all the excitement comes in !!

























































































































so.... i brought the really sweet surprise all the way to KNC. on my way i bumped into many people. they got really irritated but i suppose the stares fixtured on me were worthwhile :)

SO I GAVE THE BALLOON TO MC IN A RATHER UNEXPECTED WAY? like i asked her to help me hold it then after a while i told her it was for her heee :D
we conversed a bit too, hahaha like, more than fifteen exchanges?
about myself, about RVNB, about my club, about ML buying us bubble tea for v-day, abt kristal writing a compo on her and getting A1 for it (to which she replied something really egoistic but awesomely cute!) and stuff :)
anyw, she advised that i should tell ML about speed7 so i shall do it tmr morning :)

training wasn't exactly good for me because i feel that i've lost my play. it's very troubling and disturbing, really.
my sprints/drives no longer have that take-off burst, and my passes are becoming complacent and really slow.
yes, i'm losing the netball touch even during club trainings grrrrrrr
jas' dad sent us home so i got back relatively early, like ten minutes to eleven pm

.
.
.
.
so i've got bio test tomorrow morning. it is approximately eight hours away.
that's all the time i have to study (that is, if i dont sleep at all).
i haven't started oh no its 11.51pm

am now going downstairs to meet T and joonghan for a quick round of soda+rum to freshen up. i need something/someone to keep me awake through the night
i'll be back in less than an hour

then again i'm contemplating if i should skip school tmr
maybe not cos after all i've been absent more times these two months than i have been the whole of last year
a bit suspicious
a bit not very good
a bit only

it was right at my fingertips

but for the xth time, i let it slip away

someone once told me (or rather i read from somewhr) that she hates the fact that i think/infer too much. but i feel that things arent as simple as they seem at times.

so now while i'm blogging here in the comfort of my own home, the team should be slogging it out on court.
i'm gna gym and run ltr on to feel less guilty. and maybe head over to KNC to train with the snrs

today, i woke up at 6.15AM to eat breakfast. i usually dont.

i clipped up my hair.

i brought a towel.

i took 97e instead of 97 at the bus berth for fear of being late for training.

yet i never did get to do courtwork, because i was sent home by ms loo for not wearing the school skirt :(

i dont deserve this. not an inch of me deserves it.
i'm not working hard enough.
i'm not committed enough.
i'm not driven enough.
i dont give enough a damn.
i'm not responsible enough.
i'm not disciplined enough. not enough to even find myself another fking skirt.
once, twice, now three times.
boy have i learnt my lesson.

you told me, "you're capable of much more than what you're doing now, but are you willing to work for it? if you put in 100% in all your trainings, i can assure that you'll get into b'div."

but i guess it isnt just abt getting into the team and playing for the sch and winning and having recognition.
thr's so much more to being a true netballer.
it isnt just abt being in a club and matching up with all the better players around.
thr's more to this, thr has to be.
it's not just flinging balls across the court, its not just sprinting and jumping and dodging and rolling and lunging and clearing and changing of direction and killing of braincells etc
i know thr is a whole new level i have yet to reach nor experience.

its one thing to go all out using your physique,
and another to go all out using your heart.

RV netballer? nah, what netballer..

i need my identity back.

wise men say only fools rush in

i say, wise men have never been in love.

multiply it by infinity, take it to the depths of forever, and you will only catch a glimpse of how much i love you.

__________________________________

ytd was happening:

had sports heat (100m individual event).

had weights training.
realised how weak i am physically :(

had court with speed7 at 7.30PM
so i reached home at about 11.30PM last night and i slept after the midnight clock struck.
training was very much productive! i think my performance was a-okayi considering that i havent been on court for bloody six weeks.
maybe its because i felt less pressured plus i had an extra boost of confidence :)
oh and KNC has blue courts now (1 and 2 if i'm not wrong)
i like x 100000000
i think its best to train at night cos my body feels a whole lot less tired.

my body is aching all over though.

__________________________________

tdy started badly cos i got jabbed in the eye/nose-bridge by some asshole behind me while we were at the LT watching Narnia. hahahah guilty not?

wore my green contacts cos i dont have any regular ones left.
glad i wore them cos thr were lots of video/movie-viewing.
i dont think any teachers besides ms loo (pro vision hahah) noticed, anyw.

wasnt involved in tdy's (RV) training other than the first half hour (which was warm-up) cos of my strained quarts.
i hate doing sprints against the wind.

oh yes. trainings and class chalet do not clash! :D
which means i'm staying overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hello 2B do you read this

am looking forward to training camp
although ms loo said someth abt it being a platform to choose the players for bdiv team. up till now i'm not sure if i want to be in the main 12.
i dont even know if i'm cut out to undergo all that stress, or if i'm good enough.
sometimes i'd rather not be commited, but other times it feels as if RVNB is not just part, but my whole life.

have been looking for honeydew flavoured sweets (to no avail).

perhaps, its rly just a matter of getting used to it.
hope i do soon.

静静看你走, 一点都不像我

吴慧娴。

just came back. i smell revolting hahahaha

at 9.40 i left house for the basketball court at boon lay area. balled (with claire suzanne wenting tseyin jerome weijie junyuan) and it was fun. very tiring. played full court too so i was running/sprinting up and down and up and down and up and down. i was in the mood to play :)
sort of vented out all my unhappiness on court. relax luh i didnt hurt anybody hahaha
oh this is impt - i think i burned a lot of calories

JunYuan --- 사랑해요... says:
rmb to say that im pro

okayi. junyuan is pro !!!

had (cup noodles) lunch then we went to watch 梁祝 at jp.
it's a tremendously tragical tale (yay alliteration). like romeo and juliet, except that it's in chinese. and it's set in that era where martial arts was the bomb, when parents had their daughters betrothed against their wishes. basically the 爹 and the 娘 time.
i teared once hohoho. but we were laughing damn sadistically at some rly sad scenes walaoeh

it reminded me of MC(hew).

i'm aching all over now, my thighs and calves especially.
screw the sports heat tmr!
minos you might as well boot me out of it. wont make any difference if i run for it or not.
anyw if there is training also, i'd have to rush for speed7's training at KNC right after sch's training.
quite exuberant about it because ... i dont know actually. hahaha
my heart stops everytime i read your name.
writer's block.
writer's block.
writer's block.

damn. my heart has stopped.