just a whisper, a whisper, a whisper, a whisper

come back and look for me, look for me, when i'm lost.

i woke up very very late today! so i wasn't in time for street netball in sch with jnrs :(
i ate a lot of the weird delish stuff my dad bought from taiwan last night, thinking that i'd be able to burn all the fats and calories away the next morning! uh-oh now what

anyw, i had a nightmare! i have been having a lot of bad dreams but i cant say they were all nightmares. this fateful one however, was funereally melancholic!
i cant exactly remember what happened. it was just very dark

on a much much much brighter note, ytd was good! at least for me :)
3Laughtards slash Laxatives (whtvr the name is) is awesome.
inexplicable, undescribeably awesome.
.
.
okayi actually i find that prev sentence (up there) somewhat ironic.
like, don't the two adjectives already describe the word (awesome)?
how so can it be inexplicable and undescribeable?
nvm if you dont get me slash dont think it makes sense.
forget it forget it hahaha

we (some of the girls) played basketball (the anyhow style) during free period and it was like...
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

oh but before that, charlene yiyao grace -(oops i forgot your name again!)- and i were kicked out of lit class for abt five mins cos we were late. meaning we were made to stand outside the class. it was a tad embarassing and a bit sad but even so, being out thr with them was very fun hahaha

.
.
.
.
I MISS 2B! pencil 08.
am looking forward to tmr's class reunion lunch :D :D
sigh but i had to choose between that and tdy's bowling outing with PP youths

lastly, congrats RVNB :)
first win! many more to come i am sure of it.

oh and i solo-trained the three sec ones (whom i assume are the better few) who went for c'div's trg! :D

what an unorganised post

the first day of 2009 starts pretty hecticly

i sure hope it is going to be a very happening year! in a good way of course :)

so i spent my last few and first few hours of 2008 and 2009 respectively with the wonderful pencils! namely wenting claire tseyin huixian huakai jerome junyuan huakai and weijie.
we went to some boonlay CC's countdown event (hosts were mark lee and apple hong who apparently had problems conversing in english) and hady was thr to perform. i was hoping that he'd peform 'you give me wings' but he didnt :(
the mini fireworks display made up for it though! :D
anyw, i would like to thank 2B-PENCIL '08 for being the highlight of my second-half-of-the-year :D
if i could turn time back, i'd have gotten more involved with the class like, right from the start. but thing is, nothing right now can travel faster than the speed of light, and once past, the very hours, very seconds and very minutes do not come our way again. so i hope all the awesome awesome awesome pencils will stay as friends, forever (as cliche as it sounds).

as per tradition, the new year starts with making resolutions!
mine's 1024 x 768, what's yours? hahaha
okayi now on to serious business.

firstly, resolutions for today.

1. buy a bag for school-use tmr.
2. freaking get a book-list so i would know which books i have to buy.
3. buy school books.
4. complete a commonwealth essay.
5. pack my room. or at least half of it.
6. help my brother with his bag-packing.
7. negotiate with my parents on the confirmed weekly allowance for 2009 :)
8. stop feeling bitter! !@#$%^&*(
9. apologise to tanya.
10. webcam with cleo.
11. buy PE shirts and school skirt.
12. do homework selectively.
13. sleep early.
14. pray before sleeping.
    

now you understand the title of this post :)

i shall make my year resolutions another time. because if i do it now i wont take it seriously.

okayi and now a bit of update on youth camp! no pictures though.
so by the time i got thr on the 3rd day, the lessons were over! :(
i heard that i missed out on so so so so so much. i mean like, everyone was moved to tears.

and joanmak, i'm glad you shared :)
i have like a total different perception of you now. you're a very very very strong girl.
and i love you!

i am still learning to place God above all else.
sometimes i feel so ashamed because i've brought so much hurt and harm, and i've done so many things that are so unsightly to God. what i did is nowhere close to what i could have done, as quoted from joan. i want to be a better person.

My Life Is in You, Lord - Hosanna! Music
please play this! my life is in you, lord


and this too! this song is so totally playing in my head over and over and over again

thank you Lord, for blessing me :)

and all the roads we have to walk along are winding

and all the lights that lead us there are blinding.


credits to angweijie :)

I AM SO VERY AWAKE.
all thanks to the cold (slash freezing) bath i survived.

concurrently i believe that you will always have a place in my heart.
but for now, i'm done with missing you and looking at you from afar (or up-close at times).
so long, farewell, goodbye.
though it was good while it lasted, i've tasted enough of that bittersweet and i have officially relinquished every single bit of you i had been holding on to for the past one month :)

things were very much different when i woke up tdy because i alr had four date-invite smses :D
by the time i read them i was only in time for yeyun's so at about 1pm i popped by to BPP whr we bought some snacks/drinks and ran her errand before going over to her house.
we watched about two episodes of MDWAV (1st of the trilogy) and yes yes yes my all-time favourite hongkong drama is still as addictive!
thr are no kevin chengs nor lam fungs but they have the most awesome storyline ever :)

bus-ed down to KNC tgt, then played against santa fe.
they're all quite big.
but we won anyw (58 - 8 if i'm not wrong) :D

sorry speed didnt support you guys throughout the whole match! i was too damn hungry hahah
hope you guys played well :)
and yay yay yay yay i think i can go for the xmas party tmr, cos some of them are staying overnight so it wouldnt be too late to rush thr right after JJC's match tmr!
but i have yet to get anything for the gift exchange uh-oh

p.s. tyvm muscle pig for being thr to calm me down when i was utterly lost and flustered and everything because of my wallet incident :) take care of your ankle you wouldn wna miss chunkfest hee :D
p.p.s it's just eight more days! hon we can make it through :)
but just to let yknow, i rly miss you. alr.

xoxo

刮风这天 我试过握着你手

但偏偏 雨渐渐 大到我看你不见
this song will remind me of you guys forever :)

class chalet was wicked. it was so boisterous, so fun, so jolly, so really good that tears are welling up as i recall the short three days
sometimes its not what you do, but with whom you do all the stuff with that makes it so damn memorable.

i dont have a lot of pictures (most of the ones i have are of someone else and i so they arent much fun to look at lei) because i was busy escaping from some other person's camera, but then again these pictures are meant to be kept in the heart, for always.

































oh the pics with joshua were taken when we went out of pasir ris to his church. we went door to door at the nearby hdb blocks giving out tracts and inviting people to go to his church (true way presbyterian) at the end of this month (30th nov)for a blood donation drive.
um do consider if you are age sixteen and above! :D

BBQ
sex-ed talk (hahaha)
kbox
night walks
sleep (with someoneeeeeeeee snuggling up to me)

wish it had been longer.
like ten days nine nights or someth.
i'd prolly have to bring like a luggage but i wouldnt mind a single bit.

our ever efficient class chairpersons, hurrryyyyyy i want a class outing soon!
as a matter of fact i want it to be a weekly event hahaha.

i'm a bit sickly now but i feel much much much btr alr :)
cynthia said i look a bit shag so i guess i'll turn in very early tonight.
netballers are meeting up at yeyun's house tmr to settle mrs khoo's farewell party stuff so i hope my parents will allow me to go although i've been groundedddddddd.
freaking grounded. for being late in returning home last night.
tell me how is it possible that i was late when i dont even have a curfewwwwwwwwww.
walaoeh.
whtvr

got a pair of new netball shoes and its rather blingggg.
looks very much like running shoes. dont like it very much but i dont have a choice.

i miss you pencils!
i didnt think i'll say this but: I WISH SCH WAS STILL ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

will update more when i have new pics :D

xoxo

as we go on, we remember

all the times we had together.

________________________________________

yesterday 6 nov 2008 :

ytd was RV's annual learning symposium and i (along with joshua, shirley, yuxian, suzanne, claire, wenting and abigail) skipped all the boring lectures/workshops to tend 2B's game stall.
can say that we did pretty well because we came in fourth in the competition :D
am just so glad that the last big project we got to do as a class was such a success!
oh and we all (2B) pencils had our arms/faces/hair painted it was all very very hip.
indescribable gaiety and life in the hall.
2A's game was quite funny. very entertaining.
well, almost everything that has got to do with blindfolds are.
2H's game was rlyyyyyyyyy cute hahaha yeyun kristal trik and i played doubles.
not tennis luh, just in case you were wondering.

then trik and i went to ikea/anchorpoint to look for gifts. class farewell presents that sorta stuff
ended up spending nearly all our assets on sausage buns, icecream, chicken wings, bread, eggs and tea.
hahah i was close to getting something but they didnt have it in a quantity of thirrty sooooo.. sigh. sorry guys

rushed for speed7 training thereafter and was late by five mins. thank goodness they werent about to start yet!
got our team tees alr :D
yellow and red dri-fit tees. quite nifty
couldnt focus entirely and i only have chan yu xian to blame.
she messaged me right before my training started, when i was on the way, asking me to contribute an ending statement to the class montage.
so i had to think. a lot. reminisce. walk down memory lane.
all you (2B) pencils were still weighing on my mind throughout my whole traininggggg
i performed okay for it though.
buck up x 100000000000000000000000
i can do it :D

________________________________________

today:

was very sad.
the above fragment is an understatement

when the montage was played on the screen in class, wenting and ali broke down.
the others followed suit subsequently.
it was a downer situation.
i was trying damn hard to contain all that melancholy and dofuleness.
i hurried downstairs to whr all the netballers were, hoping that the tears wouldnt fall but i couldnt help it. so i ran back up to whr the rest of 2B were hiding/crying and i sequentially hugged every single one of them (mostly girls) left in what would soon be our ex-territory.
missed part of ms loo's celebration cos i couldnt bear to go down.
missed more of the celebration cos TM claire and i went to the hall to listen to live RFIY.
i didnt even cry so much when my P6 class was parting.
sigh but i found solace upon reminding myself (constantly) that our class chalet is just tmr :)

after weights training, munched and talked a bit with the netballers before going off to join the class at JP lib.
walao TM claire and jerome (whom i thought were absolutely nice cos they went to fetch me) totally played a prank on me hahaha.
read.
truth-or-truthed.
laughed.
trained home.

a list of 10 reasons as to why i will miss 2B so fking much

1. we have awesome class chairpersons (and congrats to shirley for winning best chairperson award :D). they're so good we are always spoon-fed/have nothing class-related to worry about
2. no one (not at all) is ostracized here in this class.
   
3. WEST MALAYSIA TRIP !!!
   
4. thr's rarely a dull moment. someone's always being silly/retarded/cute/stupid
5. you guys are super duper pooper encouraging, motivating, caring, supportive and everything nice
6. we had cool teachers like ms chew
7. PE is always fun (cos of you guys, even running is)
   
8. we are quite a qwerty, unrestrained bunch :)
9. bonded. though the guys and girls still sit at separated tables most of the times hahaha
10. last but not least, i will miss 2B so fking much because i had an awesome x 100000000000000000000 tablemate.

we started off as a class of thirty two, then thirty one. after two years of insane fun, constant teasing (even bullying), and rough, sad moments, we are right now just one.
toast up to the coolest class.
2B, together forever, truly.

i love you guys very much.

wise men say only fools rush in

i say, wise men have never been in love.

multiply it by infinity, take it to the depths of forever, and you will only catch a glimpse of how much i love you.

__________________________________

ytd was happening:

had sports heat (100m individual event).

had weights training.
realised how weak i am physically :(

had court with speed7 at 7.30PM
so i reached home at about 11.30PM last night and i slept after the midnight clock struck.
training was very much productive! i think my performance was a-okayi considering that i havent been on court for bloody six weeks.
maybe its because i felt less pressured plus i had an extra boost of confidence :)
oh and KNC has blue courts now (1 and 2 if i'm not wrong)
i like x 100000000
i think its best to train at night cos my body feels a whole lot less tired.

my body is aching all over though.

__________________________________

tdy started badly cos i got jabbed in the eye/nose-bridge by some asshole behind me while we were at the LT watching Narnia. hahahah guilty not?

wore my green contacts cos i dont have any regular ones left.
glad i wore them cos thr were lots of video/movie-viewing.
i dont think any teachers besides ms loo (pro vision hahah) noticed, anyw.

wasnt involved in tdy's (RV) training other than the first half hour (which was warm-up) cos of my strained quarts.
i hate doing sprints against the wind.

oh yes. trainings and class chalet do not clash! :D
which means i'm staying overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hello 2B do you read this

am looking forward to training camp
although ms loo said someth abt it being a platform to choose the players for bdiv team. up till now i'm not sure if i want to be in the main 12.
i dont even know if i'm cut out to undergo all that stress, or if i'm good enough.
sometimes i'd rather not be commited, but other times it feels as if RVNB is not just part, but my whole life.

have been looking for honeydew flavoured sweets (to no avail).

perhaps, its rly just a matter of getting used to it.
hope i do soon.

静静看你走, 一点都不像我

吴慧娴。

just came back. i smell revolting hahahaha

at 9.40 i left house for the basketball court at boon lay area. balled (with claire suzanne wenting tseyin jerome weijie junyuan) and it was fun. very tiring. played full court too so i was running/sprinting up and down and up and down and up and down. i was in the mood to play :)
sort of vented out all my unhappiness on court. relax luh i didnt hurt anybody hahaha
oh this is impt - i think i burned a lot of calories

JunYuan --- 사랑해요... says:
rmb to say that im pro

okayi. junyuan is pro !!!

had (cup noodles) lunch then we went to watch 梁祝 at jp.
it's a tremendously tragical tale (yay alliteration). like romeo and juliet, except that it's in chinese. and it's set in that era where martial arts was the bomb, when parents had their daughters betrothed against their wishes. basically the 爹 and the 娘 time.
i teared once hohoho. but we were laughing damn sadistically at some rly sad scenes walaoeh

it reminded me of MC(hew).

i'm aching all over now, my thighs and calves especially.
screw the sports heat tmr!
minos you might as well boot me out of it. wont make any difference if i run for it or not.
anyw if there is training also, i'd have to rush for speed7's training at KNC right after sch's training.
quite exuberant about it because ... i dont know actually. hahaha
my heart stops everytime i read your name.
writer's block.
writer's block.
writer's block.

damn. my heart has stopped.

this post has no title hahaha

credits to photographer teehuixian! :D tseyin damn heavy luh. hahaha its the only picture i have to remember this day.

_____________________________________

the incredulous drama happened just last night, but now it seems like such a long time ago.
it was a narrow escape from the clutches of death which i would have rather been held by.

there was no planning prior to it.

i was lying on my bed, my tear-stained face buried in a pillow. i covered my ears with both hands, trying to muffle the sound of your laughter, your voice, those sweet words which were now hollow with truth. but i couldnt stifle those sounds, because they were coming from within me. a million beautiful pictures of you and i in the past flashed through my spinning head and god, at that moment i knew just what i had to do.
there was no other way.
"um, dont have a choice."
that, was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

i missed you in a way so unhinged, i was going deranged.

it was ludicrous. i washed up hurriedly before amassing as much money as i could, and even though i digged through all my coin banks and wallets and the corners i used to throw my spare change in a fit of laziness, all i gathered was a meagre sum of eight dollars.

then, i dashed out of the house, ignoring the questions which were shot at me like poisoned arrows; each word of concern penetrated through my heart, making it ache so badly, for at that moment i thought i wasnt going to see them ever again.

i found my way to the mart blocks away. i felt unusually calm.
masking on a sterner face, i grabbed a bacardi and a pack of six panadols. at the checkout counter, i was gently reminded to not take the two together. i shrugged and unloaded all my money on the table. then i brisked off, without my change, my conscience, my humanity.

i found a deserted corner not that far away from a basketball court where i built my childhood.
emptiness and desolation seeped into me. the beat sound produced by the ball bouncing was like a countdown to my end.

the howling wind caressed my face gently, like a final embrace, a last goodbye.
i tucked my legs close to my body.
i took the first pill. "for you," i said. "for 25 december 2007."
tears welled up, threatening to fall.
i took the second pill. "for you," i said. "for 25 march 2008."
they trickled down my cheeks.
i took the third pill. "for you," i said, louder this time. "for 23 april 2008."
at that point, i was sobbing uncontrollably.
then i popped the rest of the pills, and downed the whole bottle of liqour in a bid to, perhaps, fill myself.
i swear i wasn't drunk.
i swear i was totally conscious.
i swear i meant to kill myself.

...

(but i never did succeed.)

- haras hog,
17 october 2008 6.45PM

_____________________________________

fact or fiction?
please do not think too much into the story above written by yours truly :)
and comment luh.

cabbed to sch tdy even though i was kinda early (um i left house at 6AM) cos i felt like it hahaha.
gleeeeful cos the parental department gave me money for my fare and i got to keep the change !!! every cent counts now cos i'm awfullyyy broke (thanks to our dearest tanya who broke that vase in the end we split cost to pay for it two hundred bucks each walao)

its the end of end of year exams but i've got a hunch i've done rather badly so i am not entirely happy now :S
chinese paper was so-so.

anyw, (instead of training, i) caught another movie at vivo with the class tdy!
20th century
quite cool and a tad scary, though there were barely any pretty boys, unlike what alicia said.
but its a trilogy and i hate stuff like that cos i like proper endings. all the more if they are happy ones :)

after that huey and i went to meet kristal yeyun and lois at harbourfront's KFC.
went straight home after that.

tsk. i've contacted four tattoo parlours and so far the minimum age is sixteeen
they refuse to work on minors like me.
legally or illegally, by hook or by crook, i will get a tattoo this holiday.
hahaha but first i'll have to lose all my fats so in time to come the skin wont sag.

oh. and i listened to live "river flows in you" tdy morning before assembly :)
sknaht tseyin (and suzanne)!

tanya wants me to accompany her when she goes to meet her online maple BF under a hdb blockkkkkkkkk. i say, that guy, whoever he is has ill intentions hahahaha

goodbye.

so hold me close and say three words like you used to do

its rly all about you.

"Failure is an event, never a person."
- Beerbohm Max

at 9AM, i was walking around in JP with weijie. to look for claire's birthday gift
but all the stores were closed except for mac/subway/kfc etc
hahahaha silly of us. spent half the time in the arcade trying to win damn cute soft toys inside scam machines.
we didnt frame up 14 guitar picks in the end cos we couldnt buy enough picks :(
so we gave her some awfully random things put in an airlock container, hoped she liked it anyw :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAIRE BON!
you've got aura :)

lunched at pizza hut .. noise pollution manzxc !!! thr were like twenty of us (aye attendance btr than class outing can)
knocked my head against rafflesia's chair was freaking painful i almost forgot almond hahaha (joshua ang are you reading this?)
tricked bday girl with candles that constantly reignite no matter how hard/many times you blow. hahahaha i think someone videoed it. damn funny

went to the arcade agn, this time with alllll of them. i left ten mins before threee. trained down to my greatgrandparents' place (which is whr i am blogging from now)
... ONLY TO REALISE THAT I'M FREAKING EARLY.
i think everyone else's gna come at like 6PM.
so i helped out with the decor and i fell from the ladder zomggggg hhahahahha

and hey, i still wna say sknaht for everything :D
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything
sknaht for everything

hahahaha

xoxo

too good to be true, but it is TRUE

today is, by far, (one of) the happiest day of my life! although i'm not a teacher hahaha

first of all, had mass dance in the sch field and (most) netballers were all dancing tgt! we are class 23N :D

all for one, sun dance, hahaha it was all really enjoyable i love you guys. truly madly deeply

then yes team pic/cake cutting/screaming/hugging was all very nice luh

then went back to class for the partyyy and it was incredibly fun too! yeh my hair was screwed cos some very ungentlemenly self-proclaimed gentlemen (hahah namely teck chye, chun yuan, huakai) oiled my face/hair/arms with cream (from the cake)! oh wenting too. she took me by surprise hahaha

then had some kind of balloon fight etc. tseyin has awfully short hands hahaha she cant get the balloon out of my hand when i raised it at highest point! she was like grabbing me all over luh (zomg sounds wrong) hahaha

music was cool too!

oh but now the class stinks. reeks of a revolting mixture of cake + cream + oil + sweat and whatnots

i love 2B!

then had the teachers' day concert and yes was impressed by the items

afterrrrrrrrr that we went for the sign-up games! hahah i was in a team with trik hyung, fish hyung, kristal, kasey and mrs anna chan! zomg we played in the basketball challenge and we were the only girls' team! :O

everyone else who signed up were either basketballers or huge guys !!!

okayi so went down to the court, saw the many x 100 000 000 supporters/spectators and realised that we were so gna make a fool out of ourselves.

then... played our first (and only) match :D

lost 18 - 12 but i thought it was an awesome game cos i was laughinggggg and all that it was awesome gaiety !!!

met my long-time-no-see P6 classmates at yew tee thereafter! i dont think they have changed much! talked/laughed for a bit then i had to go! i'm absolutely -all smiles- that i went! so much catching up to do

well, the mainnn reason as to why i am so freaking happy now. is. because.

i. messaged. both. ms. chen. and. ms. chew. yep. my. two. favourite. teachers.

AND THEY BOTH REPLIED!

i even had a conversation with ms chewwwwwwww!

:D

tell me, just tell me, isnt this such a fabbbbbbulous day?

i'll end off with someth that trik pointed out to me tdy. its funny shitzxc. found along the stairs, btw they are srsly side by side okayi. here it is:

do you get it?

华文功课

disclaimer to non 2B-pencils: as the title suggests, this indeed is part of my homework, crazy as it sounds.

i am supposed to post an entry full of chinese words. i hope i survive this, ahhaha.

and dont laugh cos i bet it'll be full of errors

我尝试了好久，终于换了我电脑的language settings，可以打华文字体了！非常感谢Claire的帮助！哎，真不习惯用华文blog！感觉上有些奇怪！

唉，其实我现在还是有点闷闷不乐（用法对吗？），因为昨天我在那个pesta sukan netball carnival打球的表现超级无敌差！打得非常烂，我对自己真的很不满意，还emo了老半天呢！但我现在想通了，没关系啦吴慧娴，再接再厉！哈哈哈 :D

既然我还没post on西马来西亚的trip，我就在这里分享一下我的经验！

由老师不是规定我们至少要写400个字吗？所谓 "a picture paints a thousand words", 我这里已经有好几张了！= a few thousand words！um, 好冷呀 :O

由老师不是规定我们至少要写400个字吗？

所谓 "a picture paints a thousand words", 我这里已经有好几张了！= a few thousand words！um, 好冷呀 :O

其实，我最近在想的是：我这一年半来真的错过了很多很多很多很多很多很多很多很多美好的事！这次西马来西亚的经验后我才发觉到2B真的好不错！他们/你们其实是很棒的一群人! 哈哈不要讲下去了，免得你们脸红！

希望下半年会更好玩！啊！不能多说什么了，弟弟要用电脑！加油吧！

shitzxc its not 400words yet, i think!

but i srsly gtg so ciao ciao ciao