i cant take it all at the same time.
why are the people who mean so much to me all leaving one at a time?

lord, be there for me when i fall,
be there for me when i call,
be there for me when i need you dear lord.

you are my strength when i am weak
you are the treasure that i seek
you are my all in all
seeking you as the precious truth
lord to give up i'll be a fool
you are my all in all

jesus, lamb of god worthy is your name.

i'll let go and let god, you'll lead me out.
ciao.

sigh to the world, sigh.
i was unhappy/sad/whatever today because of you. you cried, then you pushed me away, and i had like, no idea what was going on. all i could do was like, randomly guess that you were missing __ _____, or that someth had happened, or what, i dont know. then when i thought abt it, it finally dawned on me that alot could very well be nothing, gahhhhhhh man.
sigh. i'm tired and famished and broke to the (apple) core.
but this is genuine. what comes from my heart is genuine.
langgg aarrttts testttt tmr, screammmm man.
know what, someday i'll be able to point out all the stars. someday - just watch me. (resolution)

pictures of you, pictures of me, hung upon the wall for the world to see.
pictures of you, pictures of me, reminds us all of what we used to be.
/
push me away for the first time, oh,
i can see this would be just another landslide,
push me away for the last time,
and i'm over it but in the meantime
push me away for the last time.

the last goodnight is such an awesome band.

ciao.

decided to ask.
just how much do i mean to you?

i would have answered you honestly, had the question been genuinely posted to me. but it was not/isnt. sigh.
i am not satisfied knowing/thinking/inferring/instincting that all i am is just a ____-__ ____/_____ ______/____________/whatever.
i want to know the answer really badly. but at the same time i'm very much afraid that your answer is the same as what i have been thinking all along. that i am just.. all that. if that was the case i'd rather not ask you and live in self delusion, cos as long as they didnt come from you personally, there is still a glimmer of hope i can hang on to.
thinking (again), gahhh.
i'm tired - shall do homework cos it will keep my mind off some stuff. at least for now. and partly also cos i cant afford to let ms yu complain to mk/ml/whoever so and so.
what if? just another star in the sky? brightest? lost?
i dont want to distant myself.
a? no comments.
b? no comments.
c? no comments.
d? no comments.
e? no comments.
sighhhhhhhh. my mind is blank.

ciao.

hidden behind my masquerade my love

its cold out here but i'm warm inside
this feeling's keeping me alive
i'm shagged i'm worned i'm running out of breath
but your pressence's my air supply
you understand what my tears do say
what i always try to portray
yet i'm so good at this you cant see it
hidden behind my masquerade
my love

there's a cold heart filled with fiery passion
a lifeless mind with dreamy thoughts
eyes waiting to see orion
arms reaching out for the clouds
you see it all behind this mask
i had thought all along was opaque
but i'm so good at this you cant see it
hidden behind my masquerade
my love

that night i stood amongst the stars
they were so near, never been more far
started counting what couldnt be accounted
when i could have been most satisfied with one
when you left the clouds came through
as though the stars only shone with you
but i'm so good at this you cant see it
hidden behind my masquerade
my love

when i am alone i dont feel so
but i dont see the crowds when they surround
my heart is growing, not to fit two
but i dont dare give it, might be too much for you
for i know what you're seeking
and its not me you're missing
and i'm so good at this you cant see
hidden behind my masquerade
my love

my heart's a stone you're hitting on
not fragile, but still, handle with care
cracks cant be healed, makes each unique
but too many just into pieces breaks it
if i ever at you turn away
please for me, watch what you will say
cos i'm so good at this you cant see it
hidden behind my masquerade
my love

what a genius, i wrote it in class. janet told me, that she looks up to me as a strong girl. reason being: she's never seen nor heard me cry. "sometimes when things are moving too fast, take a step back before you get washed away (lost) into the sea unknowingly."
i'm so good at this you cant see it, what's hidden behind my masquerade my love

ciao.

decided to edit the whole post. cos, if there's anyth, i'd rather very much like to tell you (all) personally.

no debrief from mp abt yesterday's game in the end, tsk. training was, yet again, gahhh. i am really t to the i to the r to the e to the d. surprise game against the seniors. horrible passes. non-lasting stamina(or none of it). fridayy, i must.

went up to the deck again. slept for a while (a few mins only actually), thankfully xp woke me up. the cloudddds were covering the stars and not a single moon (eh, only got one right) was in sight. the essence of the night -

(because you live - jesse mccartney)
because you live, and breathe
because you make me believe in myself
when nobody else could help
because you live, girl, my world
has twice as many stars in the sky.

how much do i mean to you?
or am i just still the ____-__ ____/______ ______?

ciao.

ahhhhh finallyyyyy - fridayyy. i'm wornnnn and shaggeddddd mannnnn. plus i've still gotta go to school tmr for some lame HA thing. and go for training after that. i've got no saturday life, please.

i was scared, tsk.
but i like it there all the same.

ms chen is dang cute. dont know what to say abt today's game. will update after ms puva's debrief.

ciao.

i'm no longer as afraid of the dark as before, or perhaps my world has become brighter since you came along.

tmr, let's make it worthwhile.

gahhh my face is super pimply. stressseeeedddddd, you see. and i should go like, cut my hair soon. or shave it all off luh, tsk. i spend fifteen minutes everyday tying my hair.

for the 102th time, ms chew/lang arts/r and j rockkkkks to the (apple) core man. sorry my vocab is so limited, i cant use like, pear core or anything. i am sooooo the interested but dang, i'll be missing that period tmr. wonder what they'll do on r and j mannnnn. and english is a bastardised language.

just hung up/was talking to liqun (the friend i made while playing capt ball for joshua's church). she's heyday nice/easy to talk to, never knew that i could last on the phone with someone i hardly knew for that longgg a time yeah.

anddddd i like the deck - and everyth along with it.
safe is my hand in yours; i find solace in your words; i feel warmth in your embrace; and i dont/didnt want to let go.
i want to get my _______ voice back. then i'll ____ it for you - and it'll sound like how i want to.

ciao.

self training, frig the knee. ms chen took us for the first part and she was super comical.

and i suspect ________ is a girl actually!

third day - full moon. it is highly possible (in my sense) that the moon actually does set, and is going to collide with earth very very soon. but its so pretty.

r and j/lang arts is so dang excitingg, i like ms chew (for the 101th time). cold fire/loving hate/bright smoke/oxymorons and paradoxes. yes i am readyyy for more of that playing with words. i want the r and j (original play) book. and i shall go decipher all the language patterns and all the puns and all the funnaye funnaye old english words and make perfect sense of it. so interesting, please.

tsk tmr's such a free day but i dont want to go home lei. ahyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. shall go ice my knee and wet my bed again (as in now). suddenly i realise that i've got so many things i want to do. like how i want to learn how to whistle, ride cable car, ride rides(!), go here and there, go studio, etc etc. so many things, so little time, sighhhhhhh. oh yes and not forgetting, not enough _____ ah.

hopefully all will make perfect sense on friday. work hard, do well - i want it to be worth it.
i feel funny now, like, just feel funny la. hahhahhahahhahhahahha. crazyyyyyy.

unknowingly.
ciao.

gah at today's game. just g-a-h. its only the second match, come on c'div. i'm not unhappy/angry/sad because i'm putting the blame on myself. like, i mean, this is not a one man showdown. its not abt that. its just, ahh, i feel that what i did was really not worth doing in the end. what mp said before the match, her personal expectations of me, and all that. i tried hard, even if it meant clenching my jaws and limping my way through, i tried to sustain. but so what, four quarters, see how things turned out. i do want to meet mp's expectations, but. try? after-effect? emotionally? physically? unsure? frigggg all these stuff. what a letdown. sad. angry. unhappy. failed. what she said to me one to one after the match made me feel that i'm just a disappointment. how? sigh.

anyw/anyhow i really like the deck. cos i felt closer to the sky. the stars. the (literally) full round moon. moving clouds. just the plain essence of the nightttt (bah).
ahhh, after that i sat there with my mind partially blank, blasted music, swung my legs, looked up, sang, ate, and left when the fourth replay of tonight ended.
thank you 11771554 and for the favour done too

tmr. friday.

ciao.

okayi today was a happy hyper day - i smiled like shit in the morning and (i dont know why but) hueychyi my grade B+ boyfriend's such as idiot. nevermind, i like. hahahaa ultimate gayness, but yes everyone should be happy all the time. no more plastic smiles, please - they melt in the heat when tested. tsk, genuine smiles are contagious yeah.

home econs! baked some nestum buns/cookies/biscuit. and i spent like half my time trying to shape the star and the heart and yes, i didnt have enough time for the rest. so i super randomly made fishes and "S"s for salicia hahahaha. tsk i tried so hard to keep them away from those greeedyyyyy people (haha jk) and saved them up for you. but my star was rejected D:
anyw they were edible okayi (from what i know thus far) so yes this is another someth worth being happyyyy abt. and i have to say that my boyfriend bullies me hell lot in the kitchen, tskkkkkkk.

didnt swim (couldnt and i didnt feel like it anyw) - so boyfriend and i literally walked the whole six rounds (to make up for not swimming) blasting her samsunggggg phone.

and and and it was super fun/funny/hyper after snr's match yeah. haahhah, self-enacted scenes are the bomb man. from morning assembly to some noobass concert, tsk, such entertainment ah hahahha. yes and hail all, better be green with envy cos your ou xiang (idol) is my boyfriend. hahhah. reallllyyyy eh, fish can be such an idiot sometimes, but yes her speech/one-word-lyric song made us laughhh like crazzaayyeeeee.

tmr's match against zhenghua. i really want to do well. i need to prove myself to mp yeah. and i've gotta prove myself to myself. yayness i want tmr to be another dang hyper day. singingggg all the way. and everythinggg else.
i'll do it when i have the chance to/feel the surge to/have the courage to. for now, tskkkk.
ciao.

i am still very amazed by that fact that you can actually officially name/own a star.

today's boring in a goody goody way cos well nothing bad has happened i suppose. today's bible class was mainly on our desires vs christ's desires. so yeah - i realised that i've got quite some ambitions and i'm really rather materialistic actually. hmm then went to centrepoint/paragon/orchard point/og after that. was supposed to get my cny clothes but i couldnt find prettaye ones so i didnt buy any (yet). oh i got my edcespritmtv tee and my levi's though. things should be looking more up for my dad now, as in _________ _________, so hopefully my allowance ahem, hahhaa. i can live with thirty bucks actually, just that i'll always be owing someone(s) a few bucks here and there and spending lots of future money (if you get my lingo). i'll be dead broke this week cos i intend to clear all my debts (yes, debts). pray that i make it through yeah. dear father in heaven, ...
i turned back and walked back when i was halfway there.
when i wanted to go for it again it was too late alr.
still didnt manage to do it, if i had done it what would have happened lei? tsk.
thank you fish :D
that frame's on my table top and hahha the bear's among the stars now. my boyfriend gave me someth(s) for the first time, not bad not bad. grade c boyfriend, lol.
sunflowers are my favourite.

ciao.

OMG THIS IS SO THE COOL.
i didnt know stars could be named - officially.
as in you can buy them, find them, name them, own them.
and you'll get like a certificate!
empty spaces are the coolest.

i think ms puva is not happy with me D: like very D:

she talked to me abt my p__________, my r_____________ as a c______,

and yes she made me feel really bad and really sad.

cos, she said that she was disappointed in me (again).

tried to make it up on court but, passes gah. bounce it mannn, bounce it ah.

but the last part of training was super exciting, lois yo haha.

after eating went to cck with yy fish and lois.

saw this blind lady and i (the mighty one with a golden heart, tsk) escorted her right to her bus 300. as in, she was literally holding my arms and i was bringing her there. yy was at the back and lois and fish were both like paving the way for her there. i felt incredibly good after that. fish was saying how lost someone feels when his/her world's just a space of darkness. i tried - closed my eyes and walked a few steps then i called, "hueyychyiii!" cos i felt really lost and alone and yes, that feeling just sucked. i'm really inspired/motivated/whatever the word.

if such a small act could make me feel this way, man i cant wait for someth big. for example, hahaahha, fish and co (no not that fish and chips major outlet). i want to be useful, be of some help, just want to do someth bigger.

indulged in a lot of yami yoghurt today - like three regular naturals. was kind of to keep away that urge to _____. but hey at least its like 97% fat free.

i took a reallyyyyyy long time to walk home today. i've been bringing my camera around with me cos i want to take a shot of a rainbow or some pretty clouds or stars or just someth amazing. there were like, totally lots of stars (yet again). and a rather nice moon half covered with clouds in a not-that-eerie-way. so i whipped out my olympus and started shooting at the sky.

but i couldnt capture anyth. all i got were these awfully blank and black and dull photos -

the stars -

the moon -

i'm not called ms cliche for nothing you know, i do live up to my name:

i guess pictures like these are really meant to be kept in the heart.

cos no camera can capture the beauty that is seen through your eyes.

i want a camera powerful enough. i want to ride a cable car and feel closer to the sky. i want to do well on tues. i want to just prove myself. i want to be happy.

ciao.

GREAT START C'DIV - GOING HOT.
played super averagely or slightly below,
but still happy all the same for those who played well, and yes this is one greaaat start.
hot hot hot.
gah but i'm not really looking forward to training tmr lei. nevermind, jiayouuu rvnb!

singing out loud and strong feels reallyyyy good.
i like singing with fish, even if my voice sounded horrible hoarse or bad or anyth, at least i felt better. like, i'm one with a soul and a song to sing, lyrics to write everything. just feels good fullstop

that slice of cake rae brought over was omgly delicious lor - it contained rum anyw ahha.
and i drank a bottle - i think i'm getting better at this/ cos i dont feel anyth!

one shouldnt be too possesive, cos - lol - it's/he's/she's everyone else's as much as it/he/she is yours. and thinking too much is not good either. just let life unveil itself yeah, what you need will come to you. although you shouldnt really count on fate cos your destiny lies in your own hands. your choice today affects your tmr (not talking abt food). i wonder what would have happened had i followed my gut feelings that time, lol. no more emo-ing alr, seasonnnnnnnnn 100%. as in, can think/stone la.

i asked xiaopang how to differentiate stars from satellites. he said that satellites were curved in the middle, but really, who would see a curve in that small bright dot in the night sky line?
cable car. clouds. stars. haw par villa. season.
star cross'd lovers. r and j.
and i think this is the last time i'll say this: even as a ____-__ ____, i'll try. might not work/mean anyth to you, but at least i know i've tried. i dont have to be the one who made you _____. just do so.
addiction and ciao.

anyw i'll be missing lang arts tmr D:
thats like super sad cos R and J rocks to the (apple) core.
star cross'd lovers - fate vs free will.

sigh (and sigh again). mid-life crisis ah.
(i'll live till like twentyeight only)
today's team talk didnt turn out exactly the way i thought it would.
although the ferrero roche part was - LOL.
gahhhhhhhh enough.

watched the snr's match - and i'm pretty tensed up now.
first game tmr and there's this pressure to start it well.
passes, runs, knee, blister.
i think i'm just gonna emo the shit outta me today(night)
and make sure i'm heyday ready for the game tmr.
decided to forgo the drink cos i got a game tmr.
go rv(netball)!
i want a bigggg huggggg D:
and tsk wth, first game and first day of tooooooooooooooot.

just realised that there are no orange cablecars - sad aint it?
bus 409.

and its always different (as in the night.)
starless sky today, but super big patches of lightning kept flashing.
without the rolling sound of thunder.
i just felt like drawing a heart on your palm.
ciao.

i wont label today a bad day just because training was sucky.
wait, training didnt suck, i sucked.
and my point here is our first match is like only two days away.
and my ____ frigging _____.
instead of sitting here doing naught stuff, i should do someth (but really, do what?).

kristal didnt come to school today.
i hope she's alright.

it was pretty cool just now when i was walking home cos
there are/were lots (like lots and i gave up counting them in the end) of stars in the nightsky!
and half a moon.
tonight seems.. whats that word?
different i suppose. cos... i dont know, really.
dont know why, but i am not contented being just another one of the countless stars - i want to be the brightest star.
i wetted my bed icing my knee, horror.
i teared and you dont know why.
and yes i have decided - to continue _______.
and i'll ____ well.
seriously, i'll pick it up all over again and stop being annoyed by my own screwed _____.
it'll be my own rendition.

i want you to tell me.

ciao.

to think of it i've never exactly seen fireflies.

lol, blogging has somewhat become my way of reflecting on my day.

today's been a fairly good day cos i didnt really have anyth to brood over.

today's a horribly bad day (mainly) cos i felt sick throughout.
gah and i skipped the run - which means i have to put in another one someday. i felt guilty watching all the others like sweat so much and pant so much.

ahhhhhh, why must things turn out like this?
i somehow feel as though everyone has come to terms with the fact and i am the only one left behind.
but why? i dont like it.
if this is part (and parcel) of growing up, i'd rather not grow up.
i'll rather be taken care of forever, shielded from the harsh reality of how mean this world can be.
why cant things go my way? it wont hurt.
i want to see people working hard and fulfilling their dreams,
not trying in vain and, just walking away with their hearts shattered.
seriously, tell me why?
if everyone cared, nobody cried
if everyone loved, nobody lied
if everyone shared, and swallowed their pride,
there will be the day where nobody died.
maybe i think too much -

i feel like ________ but i know i cant/wont be allowed to.
anyw i think i'll literally die if i _____ any more now.
sorry, i didnt tell you - but it didnt/wouldnt hurt.

i think ms tan secretly adores tomtom.
ms chew too.

looking for an answer abt such things just leaves my mind in a whirl. messy.

gah, love from tom tom.

i really really want.
to sit overhead in a cable car and feel so close to the sky. try to make out what the clouds are trying to tell me - they all paint a picture. rid of my fear of heights, enjoy that feeling of being suspended. look down and see everyth below in a way i have never seen before. breathe and feel alive. and just sing out loud - even if the lyrics do not make sense in that part of the day.
ciao.

perhaps a second bottle will make me feel better.

shall start of with the happy stuff.
(i hope my post makes sense,
i feel awfully sick now.
i think i am going to die.
lol.)
cdiv was like high to the (apple) core at the grandstand today.
i can totally see netband coming up.
we've got our guitarist who's constantly silent,
our drummer (that plays the drum with a melody - or wait is she a keyboardist?) who's a little eccentric,
some weird disc-scratcher who uh, does nothing actually.
oh, power back-up vocals.
and well one of our vocalists constantly runs voice.
so yes, but we were very productive.

and - i made/got a new friend today.
its name is tom tom, and its so bubble.
everyone adores it.
rae thinks that its gross (cos it looks real), but i know luh haha. she's just jealous real bad.
and livia is such a lousy tooth (thief)!
she tried to steal tom tom thrice.
anyw i laughed really loudly in the middle of class cos i was making tom tom go around in circles and circles,
and the tcher looked at me so menacingly i thought she was gonna take it away.
in the end she came over and patted tom tom and asked me where i got it.
see i said everyone adores tom tom.
i'm gonna build it a paper-box house till i can afford someth better, lol.

oh and i saw my ex coach today.
happy, she said jiayou.
commonwealth, oh man.
i'll be playing against a team comprising of nearly half my primary school jnrs.
who all dsa-ed there.
dont know what to expect, though.

i can go collect my creative player alr, yayness. "music - makes the people - stand tgt."

plus i felt like drinking and i drank today.

the unhappy part.
i felt like listening to tonight - fm static really badly the whole bus ride.
i was almost like, craving for it as much as i wanted to drink.
and i couldn listen to it.

i dont know how to comfort kristal.
when she told me that she really wanted to play,
i didnt know what to do.
and its like, i cant make her feel more confident of herself.
dont know how to help.
was just really lost listening to her, watching the tears well up in her eyes.
and trik told me how she was like the whole day today.
like how she ran across the field to the grandstand to cry,
and how she just stared at nothingness in class.
how she cried the whole night that night.
all i could tell her was that -
she had someth yi le and nicole didnt.
i want to make her feel like we are there.
like i am there for her if need be.
i mean, this is my teammate you're talking abt.
if i dont do anyth, who will?
i know i'm not good with words,
nor am i that sweet i can totally make her day,
or cheer her up or anyth.
but i really care and want her to feel better.
genuine concern.
i just want to be able to do someth yeah.
and not feel this useless.
thursday thursday thursday, sigh.

i felt like drinking and i drank today.
now i'm horribly broke and i feel awfully sick.
drank downstairs, rushed home, and locked myself in the bathroom.
took a long shower, and didnt come out till the redness was gone.
i feel really sick. just really sick.
like i am going to die or someth.
as in not nauseous - just freaking effing sick.
the bitterness still lingers in my mouth.
i dont like it.
i hate it actually.
that burning side effect in what seems like my stomach,
that bitterness that stays in my mouth for a very long time,
that redness and hotness i get in my cheeks and my body,
that feeling of being very unfocused and light headed,
and just feeling very very sick - like my life is just hung on a thread.
i dont know why,
but despite having experienced all these,
i still feel like drinking, a lot.
like, i just want to, whatever the consequences.
everytime i close my eyes i feel like i am drifting away.
i feel frig tired now.
cable car, haw par villa, marina square, heaven

happy cos i had a good dinner.

sad cos well, i thought of some stuff.
one week - and it has shown that the absence of my pressence makes no difference to you.
i dont know why, but the fact that i'm not impt/it didnt bother you kinda makes me sad/hurts.
and i dont know whats going on with you,
but i'm worried,
and i hope you are okay.

i hope you are okay too.
thursday will be your day okay!

ciao.

i wore a skirt today (to church) cos i felt like it.
matt said i looked nice, and that i should do it more often.
seating beside him and jeremy somehow equals to dhoby surround effect haha.
told matt abt rvnb and all that, so yeah.

met jotay on the way to my grandma's house.
made a super impromptu and sudden descision to get on a cable car like, the stop before vivo.
he said that skirts are my thing, lol.
anyw i'm feeling really guilty now.
cos even though he was with andrius chew and the gang,
he decided to go with me - and we didnt even go on the cable car.
gah, when we were queueing for the bus,
i just told him super suddenly that my grandma wanted me to rush home.
which was in fact a lie.
i dont know lei, i just, didnt want to take it at that time.
you know there are times you just dont feel like it, like really, or maybe there was someone else you wanted to take it with,i guess that was what happened.
its not fickle-mindedness.
its.. a different kind of feeling.
gahhhh, neverminddddd.
i feel guilty :( sorry kid.

yesterday didnt turn out as bad as i thought it would've.
mp told _______ before training,
and ___ _____ a lil and all,
but i think you took it really well.
really really really.
i just hope that you werent breaking down and crying like shit inside.
you deserve a place more than anyone else actually,
but well, gahhhh. some things,
i dont know what to say.
if you need i'm always here bah.
i stood strong so that i could be there for you.
you didnt know i almost cried in front of mk.
its not cos i was over-emotional.
but well i saw how you trained,
the effort you put in,
your everyday shooting,
and just that day before, you me and fish staying back for extra stuff.
and esp how excited you were over the jerseys and season itself.
your every tear was like every sweat you put in.
but look on the brighter side yeah,
cos you'll still with us!
its still eleven, no, twelve, no, thirteen, yes
as a team or nun (monk).
think of it this way - you're like our motivation,
and whatever we have/will get/anyth
is yours as much as it is ours.
you are important.
i hope what we are gonna do on thurs will make you feel better.
this is the love yeah.
cdiv/rvnb is hot.

i cant wait for thursday.
trik and i - porn commercial.
and __ ___ for _______.
lets all get hyped up for friday.

ate with my maid and fish.
then took really long bus rides.
sat at the back and away from my maid,
then we sang all those emo songs,
and all that, then talked.
concluded that fish and i are both overly possesive people.
but its like, cant stop it,
some feelings and emotions just come from the heart that kinda thing.
gahhhhhhhh.
sing our hearts out manzxc.

nothing gets in the way please.
ciao.

i forgot to mention that i have a sudden obsession
with all things reflective and metalic and punk and cool.
rings especially.

today- good day because i did some stuff that made me feel super accomplished.
i finally did someth for cdiv today!
we are hot, loves.
just that my right hand still aches from all that writing.
plus we got our jerseys.
the red (okay more like pink) is not striking enough!
and the top's armhole is soooo biggg cann totallyyy seeee.
okay, then fish and i trained/helped kristal!
and it was really fun.
although it was just the three (or four plus lois) of us,
could feel the love/bond/passion/spirit.
dont know how you call it - some warm tingy feeling.
love love love.
just felt really all-smile today.

today - bad (jk) day because trik is such a poop.
p-double-o-p-poop.
that stinky fella made me wake her up,
then yes i waited for her like an idiot.
i was like, standing outside the school's side gate,
from like 6.40AM till like, 7.00AM.
i crossed over to fetch her anyw, cos i looked so doofus
standing there crossing my arms,
checking my phone and waving and smiling to random people.
see stars my foot luh - see satellite more like it?

today - horrible day cos mk confirmed our worst fears.
she told ___ and i, then, yeah.
i think they'll all know tmr.
i dont know how _______ will take it.
i mean, after everyth and so much effort put in.
she deserves it, more than anyone else.
more than ______. really.
its tmr and i cant do anyth abt it.
all i can do is to stay strong, cos i want to be there for her.
mk said that i should control my ________ all the more as a _______.
and _______ her after everyth, talk to her calmly and all that.
but i'm human too.
and i've got feelings.
i just want to be able to do someth to help.
tmr D:
just like that, how can it be.

no matter what, look on to the brighter side.
and i think i'm going back to LWS sch of music tmr.
i wish we were still talking. i'll tell you abt _______, jamsters, recording, my prom, and this very impt thing. i just hope that what kristal said just now was true.
ciao.

today - pretty much good :D
just that the bad news still lingers in my mind.
but its okay, cos yes i'll be crossing my fingers
and looking to the brighter side.
_______, i'll/we'll definitely not let you go.
and i kinda told ____ and ____ today.
and _____ knows alr.
plus ___.
tsk i cant keep it myself cos i feel that,
it'll be better if we could help as a ____.

there were stars (like a lot) today morning!
at approximately 6.38AM.
the sky was rather bright alr but yeah they could still be seen!
unfortunately, fish went to pick her someone up,
so yeah she didnt see it.
called trik and told her,
then dragged her from the school gate to the court.
but we still missed it anyw, grrrrah at you.

it was funny/fun after school today.
cos had to collect the ezlink cards.
then ly passed us the snr's ones too.
so.. we played indian poker with a twist!
left me/all of us in stitches.
and yes some people looked so different.
brilliant game - credits to the hog.
then brought the poles in shooters + extra started shooting.

bus-ed home with clau and hoching
and then train-ed with ly.
talked with her and told her some stuff,
and i'm feeling a lot better alr.
i hope she is, too.

when a dieting plan goes awry..

money cant buy all those priceless stuff,
but really, its neccesary.
i hope it isnt as serious as i think it is.
but from what i heard,
things are more pessimistic than anyth else.
thats the risk - you go one month at a time.
i guess i cant do much,
so i have to like, spend within the thirty-bucks.
have to scrimp like crazy and maybe skip a meal or two.
and no more bacardi, or anyth else.
and yes i owe trik five bucks.
woohoo i feel that sense of achievement.
the worst thing is that i need ____,
but i dont want to ask my parents for that money.
and i've got qualms (like totally) abt borrowing
it time and time again.
not very nice luh.
but if i dont ____ my ____ __ it _____ insanely at times.
hahah i feel like trik.
just that her dad is loaded -
and i'll soon be living under a bridge.
i'll be fiercely independent from now on.

and, i met my jnr on the way home.
she's gonna be playing for commonwealth.
my ex-coach's there and she dsa-ed in.
i'm hyped up for season.
but then, _______!
gahhhhh, jiayou rvnb!
alllll theeeeee wayyyyyyy yeahhhh :D

smile genuinely and live each day optimistically,
and you'll soon realise that the goodness of the world
comes from within your soul and the faces of those around you.

ciao.

i shall learn to be fiercely independent.

today was a better day,

and my shots uh, haha :D

shooting like wee early in the morning

makes me feel less unhappy/emo/stressed.

thats why i'm bugging my shooters to come down with me.

training had an element of fun in it today.

cos ms chen took us attackers!

and she's real funny and cartoon and cute,

training's becoming interesting.

and boyfriend number one stalked her just now.

defenders had mp as usual,

then combined and played after that.

one word - slack (ah).

anyw, gah.

suddenly i am not excited abt the jnrs anymore.

cos ___ and i also found out someth today.

i mean, its been a whole year alr.

i dont want you to _____.

all that you've put in, everyth you've done for us.

we once said that its either ______ as a ____ or ____.

it'll just be so awfully different if you ____ __.

as far as i am concerned,

i definitely will not let you be ________ just like that.

but you've gotta work doubly, triply hard youself and prove it to __.

i dont know how to push you harder

without telling you the truth.

but i dont want to be the one to break the news.

and when its confirmed, i dont know.

cos i cant do anyth.

but we've come a long way as a ____.

and we'll face season/it tgt.

with you :D

you're irreplaceable.

lang arts really rocks to the (apple) core.

ohyes and we got our groupings alr.

not bad not bad, but its gonna be after all a fresh team.

so rvnb all the way, loves.

i dont want it to turn out that way.

i'll just keep praying.

i'll faithfully keep my faith,

and hopefully my faith keeps you here.

tgt, alright.

actually i wish i didnt know at all.

almost teared on the spot.

___ appeared so strong,

but i bet she was almost crumbling inside.

why why why?

and i cant do anyth lor dang this.

i'll make you stay.

ciao.

i am a soldier who's lost her soul
marching onward to nowhere land

i'm a fallen soldier
kneeling on the battleground
this fight is done i've faltered
wearing the loser's crown
the last sword is drawn, and
the last tear is shed
and one last poison arrow
shoots straight in my head.

i wrote the whole thing during chinese lesson.
although i was sitting right in front.

i hope i survive tmr's training given my ____ condition.
i dont want to be a disappointment.
seriously.
i'd rather bear with the ____, and continue,
cos i'll give it all for you all.
i said i wanted it to last.

hello this is for you again.
you found my blog yeah you.
didnt know that you could come up with such meaningful statements.
like those in the longest ever message.
thank you, bib/beep.
and i am a living example of the someone
who can be ___/un_____ for such a long time.
gah, i need to talk.
listen would you.

i think fish has sorted out her stuff alr.
but my case is like, worst.
thinking too much makes one emo fullstop.
but if i dont think i'll never get things back in place again.

its official that CYCP has disbanded.
now i've nothing left.
maybe i'm regretting my choice,
but then again they seem to be doing great without me so thats that.

hopefully, tmr will be a better day.
but i'm alr losing my faith, its alr half a battle lost.
ciao. the future is bleak, no one knows what will happen tmr.

i think i am having my mid-life crisis.
yes, at the age of thirteen-going-on-fourteen.
which means that i'll prolly die when i'm twenty-eight.

swimming today.
i need a diet fullstop

gah D:
i cant believe i cried cos of what mp said.
maybe i can, cos her words/yells/shouts
came down on me like poison arrows i had no shield against.
"what the hell are you doing?"
"you are screwing up the whole play, where are you running?"
"i am very disappointed in you."
"i am very disappointed in you."
i really feel like i'm pulling all of you down.
dont need me.
back to square one, you all dont need me.
it feels bad, like real bad,
trying hard yet not succeed,
and get taunted and screamed and shouted at.
its like, i'm trying but i cant do it.
i tried, but even that is not enough.
nothing is enough.
whatever i do, nothing is good enough.
sometimes i'd rather not try.
cos i'll know why i got scolded.
or screamed at or shouted at or anyth.
it'll be cos i didnt put in the effort to even try in the first place.
maybe it wont hurt so bad.

why do things always not work out the way i want them to?
when i try, everyth goes wrong.
netball, jam, the grandaunt, parents, studying,
friends, relationships.
am i not doing enough?
perhaps so.
but i'm really tired.
no one knows those line of thoughts that have been
repeating in my head these nights over and over again.
no one sees that crying has become a nightly routine,
and sometimes i run out of those tears.
no one feels the way i do,
like its the end of the world and i have nothing else to look forward to.
cos i dont know what i am doing,
and why i am even doing it.

smile broken heart.
speak empty mind.
strong die inside.
love letting go.

for all those words you said just now.
on looking on the brighter side,
making me laugh halfway when ms puva was speaking.
i never thought that what i wrote to you
would have such an impact.
and you sent it back to me.
"hey trik, rmb that no matter what happens,
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE IN THE END!
and that means:
if things are not fine,
ITS NOT THE END."
but you know someth?
i feel like the only END that is coming,
is the end of the world.
its not that mp has high expectations of me,
its just that i fall short of that basic expectation itself.
disappointed.
so am i, actually.
and its not bad luck streak cos i dont believe in luck.
whatever it is, neopets is still the best.
cos - its like the only private thing i can do without crying.
aye,
soon i'll be growing long(er) hair
and i'll live under a bridge.
and i'll die of over-depression.
gahhhhhhhhhhh.
just thank you okay.
for still believing in me.

if things still dont work out,
i'm gonna heck-care.
whether its a waste cos we have come so far,
or whether its someth i know i wont be able to let go.
not now, or ever.
i'll just heck-care.
cos i'm tired.
and i admit defeat.

quit yelling at me,
i've become immune to your words.
and i wont try to be a better grandniece anymore.
go on and do whatever you like.
cos i dont care.
heck care.

thats the way.
i admit defeat.

ciao.

3 Doors Down- Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me



Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....



FM Static - Tonight

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me
about when you were eight
And all those things you said
that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you sat an told me
about your Jesus
and how not to look back
even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"



The Last Goodnight - Incomplete

Can I have your attention please
If you didn't want the garden why did you plant the seed?
Your making promises that you never keep
Now you deal with the consequences down on your knees

And maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives
Maybe we will live forever
And maybe we don't have to think it's right
And maybe we will

I don't feel what you feel
I don't want to feel this incomplete
No one here can tell me
How to fill this space between
Everyone knows you're my one regret
Everyone knows you're my one weakness

The butterfly, the butterfly is beautiful but soon will die
Will spread its wings in the eternal sky
Eternal light with everything that's on its mind
You'll never believe this

And maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives
Maybe we will live forever
And maybe we don't have to think it's right
And maybe we will

I don't feel what you feel
I don't want to feel this incomplete
No one here can tell me
How to fill this space between
Everyone knows you're my one regret
Everyone knows you're my one weakness

The butterfly, the butterfly is beautiful but soon will die
Will spread its wings in the eternal sky
Eternal light with everything that's on its mind
You'll never believe this
And I can see you now reaching out for me
And I can feel you now setting yourself free

I don't feel what you feel
I don't want to feel this incomplete
No one here can tell me
How to fill this space between
Everyone knows you're my one regret
Everyone knows you're my one weakness

And maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives
Maybe we will live forever
And maybe we don't have to think it's right
And maybe we will

The butterfly, the butterfly is beautiful but soon will die
Will spread its wings in the eternal sky
Eternal light with everything that's on its mind
You'll never believe this

______________________________


dont know what to say abt today.
spent the whole morning devicing a plan,
but didnt get to put it to use in the end.
okay maybe i had a chance but i didnt dare to do it.
gahhhhhhhhhhh.
talked to fish, anyw.

all the things i wanted to tell you.
all those little stuff i thought you might listen to.
but all i feel now is a strong force that isnt the pulling,
but the repelling.
fish is right.
i played with fire and i got burnt.
its hurting and i'm trying to undo it.
can you see that i am doing all sorts
and resorting to different means
to try to get you talking to me again?
however much i do
i dont think you even feel anyth anymore.
it takes two hands to clap,
and it takes two parties to make someth workout.
a friendship, a relationship, whatever.
you dont know,
but i really trusted you.
and i told you things i wouldnt have told anyone else.
i felt comfortable and secure with you.
tears could come down naturally when you're here,
though i'd always hold them back.
i felt a sense of in a way, belonging.
a connection perhaps?
whatever that word is.
i just felt that i had someone to care for,
and that person cared for me too.
i mean it.
then i guess i thought too much at a certain point of time,
and i decided to do someth i now regret, a lot.
now it feels weird, cos i know you'd rather talk to
blah bloh bleh and hee hor har.
you'd rather laugh it all out with anyone else but me.
and you know how that feels?
it feels wickedly heartbreaking.
the bond will either become stronger, or it will gradually fade away.
and it'll be total dumbness and simply gah-ed,
if everyth breaks apart - just like that.
i'm saying it out now,
that i dont want it to fade away.
i want to confide in you
and show you my darkest skeletons and
all the stuff i've been hiding in the closet.
i want to be able to tell you all personally, face-to-face,
all that i have written in that letter.
i want to let you know how i feel
and i want to know how you feel, too.
i hope that the person i can lean on,
can hold on to, can laugh with,
can cry with, can whatever and anyth with,
is you.
cos you gave me that very strong feeling,
like i could stand up again, when i was at my lowest.
i mean it, really.
sometimes i wish you looked at me the same,
like how i looked at you.
the trust, the faith, the love, and all that.
if you would just tell me why you'd cry,
tell me if you were sad, or happy,
or share with me abt your day because you felt like telling me.
sometimes i really wish that you'd treat me as a friend.
a good friend.
and not just an ____________,
or a ____-__ ____ when _______ or anyone else was not there.
dont know if i appeared cold,
or if i appeared to be ignoring your pressence,
to you.
but that was exactly what i intended to do the past few days.
if you felt it, i'm sorry.
frankly, selfishly, i hope it bothered you.
but it apparently didnt.
tried, tested, and proven.
dao-ing/being cold/ignoring does nothing
but harm to one's friendship/relationship.
i want to go back to where we were,
one week ago (or around that time).
or, for that matter, anytime!
i just dont want to feel this way.
like you and i so distant.
dont know if you feel it, but i feel it.
so incomplete.
anyw, you know,
i was worried when you ________ ____ _____.
i was worried when you _____ and i didnt know why.
really.
and when i said i miss you,
i mean it.
hurts that you didnt feel the same.
what i feel like doing now,
is going on a cable car with you.
which is 101% impossible given the dire state we're in,
and all the other conditions.
if you ever come across this post,
(i'm actually hoping you would, dont ask why)
its for you - sereno.
(and just to let you know, i didnt spend your money on drinking in the end.)

i'm going to continue trying.
and if things dont work out,
gah. i know that i tried anyw.

we have joy, we have fun,
we have SEASON in the sun.
in eight days.
i really want c'div to go far.
this is ours, people.
it is.

talking to mattie has been fun.
just that he constantly makes fun of me.
i dont get disturbed, anyw.
so he has been self delusioning all the while.
cos i am not the least affected.
hahaha.

swimming's tmr.
cant wait anymore,
diet has to start today.
right now.

and you should go to asylum.
oh wait, i should be the one.
you are driving me crazy.
the main reason why i'm staying out is cos you are here.
if anyone should leave, its you.
like what you said, its my house aint it?
you're such a hypocrite,
i'm disgusted.
i dont want to try to be a good grandniece anymore.
i think i tried real hard,
but now that i think of it.
you dont deserve it.
i'll give you that basic respect - but thats that.

what a long post.
and i still needa complete my holiday homework.
gahhhhhhhhhh.

do you know how it feels like,
loving someone, who's in a rush to throw you away?
do you know how it feels like,
to be the last one, to know the lock to the door has changed?
you dont - i do.

emo?

ciao.

disclaimer: this post is solely for self-entertainment.

went to subway at vivo to study/do homework with trik and kristal.

and surprisingly, haha, i was the one who did the most work.

but i'm also the one who still has the most left undone, so yeah.

nothing to be proud of actually.

then went around in search of another dress.

i've been feeling super uh, dressy and classy and glam.

and i almost wore a skirt today.

why?

cos i felt like it.

horror horror, what has the world come to?

sarah's becoming a niang-sy.

today's a happy day.

trik's funny expressions and ultra-lameness,

kristal's hysterical laughter and dress-sense.

they crack me up. hahaha.

and, camwhoring.

*pose* *flash* *capture* *delete* and the cycle repeats.

and trik loves taking candids.

super fortunate it was my own camera.

or else, those unglam pics - in trik's hands.

tsk, i cant imagine what will happen.

all the smiles (in the pic) were genuine.

i tried to talk to you today,

but, gah, i ended up D:

heartbroken.

i want to develop a lot a lot of photos.

and frame them all up,

and paste them on my hot pink/bright yellow walls.

i want a solar system on my ceiling.

i want that big book of stars.

i really want to take a cable car.

and drink as well, gah.

i'll sing my last note properly, this time.

i am an arms dealer,

fitting you with weapons in the form of words.

and dont really care, which side wins,

as long as the room keeps singing,

thats just the business i'm in.

but then again i do miss you a lot.
but i bet you dont feel the same.

ciao.

sudden urge to take cable car.
and i desperately want a bacardi.
D:

the 2008 music prom's like,
heyday so soon.
i've got my dress and my heels
and my pouch and everyth else ready.
but i've got this insance thought -
that i'll just run out halfway
and disappear and just, you know.
jamsters, jamsters, jamsters.
go or dont go, hur?

non lyrical post.

today was horrid.
cos training was horrid.
yeyun fell and scraped her knee.
just thinking of her wound makes me.. sick.
i really didnt mean to scare the sec1s with my reaction.
but i seriously cant stand the sight of blood.
i was very scared just now.
i dont know how to describe it alr.
c'div knows.

then went out with trik.
had our diet meals at queensway.
then we walked like two/three bus stops.
talked, crapped, laughed.
we each got a part of the sky,
named the lampost,
asked each other impossible questions,
played the telepathy game,
and everyth else.
and ty for that inspiring wo si wo zai story.
i was just acting dumb when i said that
i didnt want to be the reincarnation of na4 bo1 lun2.
i got what you mean actually, it did help.
anyw, missed a thousand buses.
and trik was super late for tuition - or not.
never thought i'd ever be out at with trik at that time.
when the sky was like that dark alr.
gah, maybe today's not that horrid after all.

wrote that letter to clau today.
i feel empty too.
really.

and maybe i'm trying, trying too hard.
so much that i'm tearing us apart.

you make me laugh a hell lot.
but its all just on the outer surface.
it feels great to be smiling and everyth around you,
and every smile was genuine.
random talk and insane nonsense.
but i cant help but feel empty.
just really desolate and airy.
empty.

absence makes the heart grow fonder.
vs
out of sight, out of mind.

i miss you all.

i miss you.

now that you are back,
i am trying really hard to suit your needs and go along with you.
but what do you take me for?
did you even think of how i felt when you said all those words?
i doubt you did, cos it shot me right in the heart.
all i want is to be a good grandniece,
but you are not giving me that chance.

you dont understand.

slipaway/watching from a distance?
will i even last?

read your blog.
if i really gave you that feeling,
i guess you could have just turned your back on me.
and i didnt want to feel that way either actually.

tonight, bah.

ciao.

i'm not doing it right.

every single ___/word i read/see/hear.
hurts.
so much that i think i'll just cry myself to sleep tonight.
i dont know how i'll take it to the 100th step.
at the rate i'm going,
and everyth else.
i know what you're seeking
and its not me you're missing

tonight i've fallen and i cant get up
i need your loving hands to come and pick me up
and every night i miss you
i can just look up
and know the stars are holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you
tonight.
-except that you wont be here tonight.
or at least, not for me, bah.

slipaway *less than*/3

and i should lock myself up.
ciao.

sitting by the glass door looking out
see you walking in and i pout
you didnt see me but its okay
and i think, you always dont anyway

jump to my feet close the door behind
"you want a drink?" and i decline
i brisked walk past everyone
dont like it, though it happens everytime

when i stand right there
you see through me
like i'm just thin air
walk into me
but you stepped into my heart,
unknowingly.
you could have walked right through
why leave that mark on me?










okay, this is so not blahhhh.
ahhhhhh.
ciao.

very soon all my posts will be non lyrical and fully emotional.
gah. i feel bored.
bored at home, bored in school, bored during lessons.
ms chew is a dang interesting tcher though.
her lessons are exciting. i like her.
anyw, everyth is boring when you are moodless.

at least i've taken the first step.
gah, though its like the first out of a hundred steps.
but then at times i really really really
just feel like walking over and talking to you.
tell you a bit about my day,
tell you that super idiotic joke that guy sitting behind told me today.
you have no idea how hard it is lor.
to try to act as if i dont know you at all.
or to even put up a front, that i dont care.
much as i pretend that it doesnt matter,
i think i'll soon be going around asking others how you're doing.
trying to get some second hand info.
it frigging hurts la.
not being able to ask you first hand.
having to see you just walk away blatantly.
avoiding your eyes and looking at everyth and everyone but you.
you dont know how it feels like.
just take care.

just rmbed that my pri school jnr came up to me today.

and fish, i hope you are feeling better now.
dont keep saying that i only care abt ___ and dont care you lor.
cos i was worried for you just now.
go fish, thats what a gf is for.

i think i'll post someth lyrical later on.
there's someth in my head alr.

actually.
it feels good to have let it all out.
cos i seriously poured my whole soul out in that ______.
it feels better, knowing that you'll never know.

slipaway, bah.

ciao.

three posts in one day.

this is the last thing i'll do for you openly bah.
i'll slipaway.

JAMSTERS.
first day of school, but it was horrid, absolutely.
even training felt bad.
everyth was terrible today.
because i felt alone.
thought things would turn for the better after i let go.
boy am i wrong.
i feel so tired. still.
i feel more tired than before, actually.
i'll miss the jamming, the infectious laughters and the hugs,
those late night suppers, cabbing back tgt,
getting scolded by our parents,
forgetting the words to all the songs and making our own,
doing stupid things like jerox-ing,
working extremely hard for a gig,
eating cup noodles every session,
hunting for exciting group costumes,
dreaming of making it big,
recording all those stuff,
planning secret birthday bashes,
borrowing money,
everything else.
even teasing joonghan for his NS shaven head.
its been a whole year.
one whole year.
i know what's gonna happen and i wont try to stop it.
cos its my own descision.
and if anyth happens, i take on the responsibility.
me.
i'll miss everything.
and everyone.
and thank you for caring so much.
you know, it was really really fun while it lasted.
the jam spirit never ends, eh.
i'm still a jamster inside - and i will always be.
jiayou, loves.
9 - 1 = 8.
shit stuff, lol.
"if its anything its shit stuff and we bao ga liao."
on one last note (no pun intended, i wont sing anymore),
i love jamsters.

ciao.

slip away - today

i've been watching you cry
till my own tears ran dry
every drop breaks my heart
i've been taken apart

i've been seeing you stand
alone in that far land
i cant reach out for you
there's nothing i can do

for i know that you're waiting
and its not me you're missing
just tired,
of trying.

its never enough;

you dont know how it feels
to just be a backup plan
knowing that you'll just go
to the other in the end
maybe i'll just slipaway
hoping that you'll make me stay
but then again i'll just go,
without letting you know.
its better, this way










the prodigy came up with this in the middle of a three minute shower.
the prodigy feels blah.
the prodigy feels bleh.
the prodigy is tired.
and there's so much on the prodigy's mind now.
the prodigy feels like ________,
craving for it like crazy.
the prodigy, thinks she's probably dying.
and it might be good news after all.
and yes if the prodigy died, she will not need to find/do her homework.
the prodigy.
actually wishes that her end is near.
the prodigy says,
ciao.

eleven forgot this, i want to do someth BIG this year.

non lyrical stuff again.

yes its the "set your new year resolution" day.
i've gotta make this quick, like real quick, cos i didnt complete last year's homework. as in, i still have my 95% holiday homework undone so there you go:

one change my if-she-hands-in-her-homework-on-time-it-will-be-pitch-dark-at-twelve-noon-and-everyone-will-think-its-normal image. i want to be a good student fullstop

two i want to sing better. and actually settle on some genre if i could.

three i want to stop screwing up on court and start playing the way i should. be a better netballer, bah. and get my third golfing pc/handicap. turn pro (no luh, jk).

four i want to stop ________, whether its _______ or _____ _____. (but you have to give me time what, bit by bit.

five make my relationship with the grandaunt better.

six grow taller, absolutely, till like 165cm. though fish said i'll prolly just look weird if i was tall. like, try fitting my head on (let's say) estee/lixuan's body. hmm. and slim down yeah.

seven for my faith in god to grow. be a (better) christian.

eight whether i'll still be with the jamsters or not, well. i want to do something for you people. i'll give you a song.

nine stop being forgetful (like forgetting to eat my supplements, or returning my library books, or taking that salmon oil thing thats supposed to increase your brain power and memory). and start remembering birthdays and doing someth abt them, especially my parents'.

ten find myself again.

homework, here i come.
ciao.