shall start of with the happy stuff.
(i hope my post makes sense,
i feel awfully sick now.
i think i am going to die.
lol.)
cdiv was like high to the (apple) core at the grandstand today.
i can totally see netband coming up.
we've got our guitarist who's constantly silent,
our drummer (that plays the drum with a melody - or wait is she a keyboardist?) who's a little eccentric,
some weird disc-scratcher who uh, does nothing actually.
oh, power back-up vocals.
and well one of our vocalists constantly runs voice.
so yes, but we were very productive.

and - i made/got a new friend today.
its name is tom tom, and its so bubble.
everyone adores it.
rae thinks that its gross (cos it looks real), but i know luh haha. she's just jealous real bad.
and livia is such a lousy tooth (thief)!
she tried to steal tom tom thrice.
anyw i laughed really loudly in the middle of class cos i was making tom tom go around in circles and circles,
and the tcher looked at me so menacingly i thought she was gonna take it away.
in the end she came over and patted tom tom and asked me where i got it.
see i said everyone adores tom tom.
i'm gonna build it a paper-box house till i can afford someth better, lol.

oh and i saw my ex coach today.
happy, she said jiayou.
commonwealth, oh man.
i'll be playing against a team comprising of nearly half my primary school jnrs.
who all dsa-ed there.
dont know what to expect, though.

i can go collect my creative player alr, yayness. "music - makes the people - stand tgt."

plus i felt like drinking and i drank today.

the unhappy part.
i felt like listening to tonight - fm static really badly the whole bus ride.
i was almost like, craving for it as much as i wanted to drink.
and i couldn listen to it.

i dont know how to comfort kristal.
when she told me that she really wanted to play,
i didnt know what to do.
and its like, i cant make her feel more confident of herself.
dont know how to help.
was just really lost listening to her, watching the tears well up in her eyes.
and trik told me how she was like the whole day today.
like how she ran across the field to the grandstand to cry,
and how she just stared at nothingness in class.
how she cried the whole night that night.
all i could tell her was that -
she had someth yi le and nicole didnt.
i want to make her feel like we are there.
like i am there for her if need be.
i mean, this is my teammate you're talking abt.
if i dont do anyth, who will?
i know i'm not good with words,
nor am i that sweet i can totally make her day,
or cheer her up or anyth.
but i really care and want her to feel better.
genuine concern.
i just want to be able to do someth yeah.
and not feel this useless.
thursday thursday thursday, sigh.

i felt like drinking and i drank today.
now i'm horribly broke and i feel awfully sick.
drank downstairs, rushed home, and locked myself in the bathroom.
took a long shower, and didnt come out till the redness was gone.
i feel really sick. just really sick.
like i am going to die or someth.
as in not nauseous - just freaking effing sick.
the bitterness still lingers in my mouth.
i dont like it.
i hate it actually.
that burning side effect in what seems like my stomach,
that bitterness that stays in my mouth for a very long time,
that redness and hotness i get in my cheeks and my body,
that feeling of being very unfocused and light headed,
and just feeling very very sick - like my life is just hung on a thread.
i dont know why,
but despite having experienced all these,
i still feel like drinking, a lot.
like, i just want to, whatever the consequences.
everytime i close my eyes i feel like i am drifting away.
i feel frig tired now.
cable car, haw par villa, marina square, heaven