gah at today's game. just g-a-h. its only the second match, come on c'div. i'm not unhappy/angry/sad because i'm putting the blame on myself. like, i mean, this is not a one man showdown. its not abt that. its just, ahh, i feel that what i did was really not worth doing in the end. what mp said before the match, her personal expectations of me, and all that. i tried hard, even if it meant clenching my jaws and limping my way through, i tried to sustain. but so what, four quarters, see how things turned out. i do want to meet mp's expectations, but. try? after-effect? emotionally? physically? unsure? frigggg all these stuff. what a letdown. sad. angry. unhappy. failed. what she said to me one to one after the match made me feel that i'm just a disappointment. how? sigh.

anyw/anyhow i really like the deck. cos i felt closer to the sky. the stars. the (literally) full round moon. moving clouds. just the plain essence of the nightttt (bah).
ahhh, after that i sat there with my mind partially blank, blasted music, swung my legs, looked up, sang, ate, and left when the fourth replay of tonight ended.
thank you 11771554 and for the favour done too

tmr. friday.

ciao.