conviction

i'll be watchful of my tongue from now.
i want my words to be healing and not hurting,
i want them to build up and not tear down.

oh be careful little mouth what you speak
oh be careful little mouth what you speak
for there's a father up above
and he's looking down in love
so be careful little mouth what you speak

James 3: 1 - 18
Proverbs 10: 18- 32
Job 15: 5

updates on today tomorrow, after i get my hands on those pictures :)
xoxo

3 things which really made my heart ache today

in chronological order:

1. the sight of my grandmother, balding from chemotherapy and all the other various kinds of cancer treatment. i did my research, and found out that there are many more side effects like pain, anemia, memory loss, apetitie change, nausea and vomitting, swelling and fluid retention etc. there's a whole long list on it, just reading it made me feel sick already. argh i wish i have the courage to tell her, in words, personally, that i love her. that i will give anything in this world to take her pain away, or even to endure for her all that she's going through. cliche, but honestly. honestly.
   
   
2. jovan fell from the playground and had to have his chin stitched up.
   really pained me, regardless of how irritating he can be on a regular fine sunny day.
   
   
3. MC. don't give up.

here's to those who need it:
everything will be fine in the end.
if things are not going good, it's simply not the end.
but, the end will come soon.

remember what i said about being optimistic? that it's just lying to ourselves?

where is the moment we needed the most?

you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.

at this rate, i'm never going to get it back.
step up, sarah. step up.

there is no truth.

i've forgotten if you like chocolates. do you?

i stand in the line just to hit a new low

i'm faking a smile with the coffee to go.

i just returned from training.
today, i sucked as hell on court, and i re-injured my ankle.

i'm getting tired of being optimistic.
honestly, i'm just lying to myself week after week.
"my performance will get better"
"i'll get my runs back! the drives!"
"well no biggie i'll just have to work harder on my passes"
things like that?
self-delusion. i can't find a better term.

my play is not improving. as a matter of fact it's going so downhill, i feel that i'm just wasting everyone's time and efforts.
i miss how it was on court so much.
to be in control.

time is slipping out of my hands.
NL's in like, a freaking month away.
and i want to play for seven.
well actually i dont just want to play for seven,
i want to play well for seven.

to all of you, especially those who were here today, i dont think you'll ever see this but,
i'm sorry. charis, della, funny, jasmine, mel, salim, qiuying, the twins,
i'm sorry. dont think i even deserve to be sharing the same bib with you guys.
i dont know how to tell you, how sorry i really am.

for being so sucky.

you light up my life!

you, you, you, you and of cos you!! :)

today, feeling rather jolly, i went straight out of school after the very last class ended
(it was math and for the first time this year, i nearly passed my test!).
bought cream puffs from ritz westmall, and some other foodstuff, then i went all the way to T's place unannounced haha. had to sit outside the gate for about half an hour because no one was home. i love love love loco!! he was barking nonstop for a bit, then he finally found his way out of the house so he played with me while i was waiting outside! haha silly stupid dog tried to jump over the gate, really!

now i'm/we're in the house.
when T's sister comes home we're going to watch fast and furious 4 on dvd :) :)

for now just gonna just pop the cookie dough into the oven
and the cream puffs into the freezer
oh the grapes go in there too
and i'll get a quick nap

there's club training at eight later on! i can really do with some sort of motivation and encouragement, let's say a short conversation with MC perhaps? :D

when was the last time i felt this good?
so not pressed for time, so free, with barely anything weighing me down
since forever
xoxo

one strawberry field is fine by me

yoohoo!

my first paycheck haha haha haha

sticky rice and honey mango with lots of coconut milk
no, that's not my paycheck, silly!

there are holes in my feet!
near the toes!
not a disease though i can take the truth!!!

pretty as a car crash is nothing profound or as deep as i thought
it just means that hannah is sadistic she said so herself aaaaaah now we get it..

FARNITAN! says:
SHIT!! I JUST FOUND A NAKED PICTURE OF YOU!
http://haras_hog.super-galleri.com
.
.
.
so irritating our entire conversation history is one-sided and consists only of the stupid virus spamssssssssssssssssss!

math i love remainder and factor theorem honestly

i can't wait!!!!!!

melan is such a weird person he who loves birthdays!!
and i have training tomorrow

:O

haha

haha

quite funny!

haha

haha

laugh my life away

haha

haha

map of the problematique

this morning i woke up with bad hair and bad throat so i went straight back to bed.
promptly an hour later, T gave me a wake-up call. met him and had macgriddles for breakfast haha.
got my layers chopped as his mohawk was trimmed.

went to school for the fun of it and i barged into the class, at around 11.50am?
survived lessons and skipped weights training to go for my bronchi pump.
then went to causeway to get my hesh. thanks again jeremy :)
rushed down to cck stadium for the race. namely yong huey chyi's 400m race.
took off to meet joong and jotay for early dinner soon after.

now i'm at home waiting for T to come over. then we'll run, literally, to teck whye.
for the world's most sinful pork knuckles.
shudders.

merv when are we going out!!!!!!

p.s. i just found out that seven won the friendly against SP last wed haha congrats! and jiayou for trg today :) :)

utter blasphemy

you. you who put the hell in hello.

i can't believe this.
sam the wonderman's favourite band is marilyn monroe.

oh, so marilyn manson is the acclaimed dead actress?

dancing things, painted wings

things i almost remember.
and a song someone sings,
once upon a december.

i no longer have to go job-scouting for that 100 dollars.























skullcandy hesh (stripe)

because that cute thing up there will be my (first) birthday present!
courtesy of jeremy from church!
mind-blowing. can't wait :) :)

saving jane

"the only good thing about being sick. Is that it makes you appreciate the healthy days so much more."
- read this from i forgot where.

so, i survived the past three days of living hell. honestly i'd thought i'll die.
my body temperature kept fluctuating from 39.8 to 40deg, i dont think i've ever had a higher fever more dangerous.
and i had to get a jab!! :(
well at least it's gradually subsiding now

still down with flu, strep throat (somewhat like infection) and slight bronchitis grr but i have an mc till monday haha hooray.

good friday! :D

雪特是什么意思?

1. shit
2. 大便
3. 骂人的话
4. trish

haha now we know.

no truer love

am currently touched. very.
my cute greatgrandmother called me on my handphone just a moment ago to ask about my ankle/health/well-being.

when it should have been the other way round.

vote of sympathy

here's something cute from yesterday haha

Samuel "The Heretic" (Picture Perfect Sunset) says:
told you exercise is bad for health

annieway, urgently need to clarify.
on second thought, maybe not. i'll just leave it all to your own interpretation.
honestly, i could do without having to account to anyone else.

on sat i made it to NSL albeit experiencing pain and discomfort.
sight of MC heals faster than any traditional chinese medicine wrap :)
hint.
hint.
hint.
MC i hope you somehow stumble onto this page and take action because

i want to recover asap
speed7's having a friendly with SP on wed! and i'd like to go on court if my ankle allows for it
and if coach lets me despite my unnerving perfomance during fri's trg
then again i dont think my parents will even agree to me going for any more netball thingy

this leads me to my -let me count- fifth point.
why? why will my parents stop me from playing my game?
because of lwf.
!@#$%^&*( burn lwf.
grr she who weaves tales and makes baseless assumptions which resulted in angering daddy and mommy
not saying that i'm not at fault.
but haha i do clip up my hair what walao cannot lenient a bit is it?
besides, any self-respecting teacher would have never said anything like that.

tomorrow trish and i bringing voodoo doll, pins, and perhaps a few knives

cookies i brought to school on friday were quite well received :)
so today i went on to bake a strawberry meringue pie.
goodness gracious me, so heavenly it was fit for a king. or a queen.
just to show i'm not sexist

untimely raw

friday, 3 april 2009
friday, 21 march 2008

the same thing happened almost exactly one year ago.
yet this time round, the person who had picked me up from my fall and carried me through it all, isn't right here with me anymore.

it's just one difference, but it's one difference so huge it's changing everything.

i am cookie monster

you can be the one in the bin, what's it called?

today after school, in the afternoon, did some baking! :)
we made 481 chocolate-chip-cookies in all.

i'm 100% positive we could have had 600 cookies if we hadn't eaten up like, so much of the cookie dough while watching jay chou's 2004 incomparable concert dvd. by the way, we're not like huge fans of his. we just didnt have anything else! haha

my favourite day constitutes of
the simplest things like well
everything, from just
lying side by side
to laughing
& crying
talking
thinking
making plans
for another tomorrow
with my treasured friend,
cleo tang on 2 April 2000 and 9

xoxo

you're the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my entire life

"but, don't you want to show me off to everyone else?" he asked. he toyed with, turned and adjusted the left snakebite-piercing on his lower lip. "ouch." he mumbled.

"why would i? you... brand-less thug!" she replied, trying hard to suppress her smile.

"hey that hurts." he took a step backwards with his hands clutched to his chest, pouting.

she put away the stacks of notes which she had been studying for the past hour, and for the first time in that day, glanced up and took a really good look of the beautiful person seated barely half a meter away.

she sighed, pinned up a few loose strands of hair dangling in her face, and then admitted sheepishly, "honestly i'd just like to keep you all to myself."
he played with the thoughts in his head for a while, before clasping his large, warm hands around hers.

"i'm like your secret world," he whispered.
"kept under wraps so tightly it's exciting.
no one knows who i am. or how i look like.
no one knows how it feels when you are safe with me.
no one knows where we ever go to.
i am your hiding place, your sanctuary, your favourite home.
you can sit with me for hours and we dont have to say a word.
you can tell me things i don't understand, and i'll always pretend i do.
i'll utter rubbish in return to make you laugh so hard you end up falling asleep.
we can walk together on opposite streets of a road, and still feel connected.
when we're together there's not a care in the world.
i am your best kept secret."

she held his hands more tightly than ever. "wow."
she said, "i think that was me, speaking through you."
she laughed nervously, amazed at the words - the perfect truth - which escaped from his lips - his perfect lips.

he kept silent for a minute.
and another minute.
and another minute.

and finally.

"my best kept secret?" he hesitated.
looking straight into her eyes with pain and anguish she never knew existed in him, he cried, "it's suffocating to be your best kept secret."

___________________________________________________

yesterday we started on our new weights program.
it's very much different from the prev one, like now thr's this new swissball thing which i find highly amusing! haha and the medicine ball throw. i'm always very afraid i'll like smash the (carpeted) floor or something.

after that we celebrated lois' belated birthday with a jelly cake that was really quite nice! :)

went down to KFC/KNC for club trg then della pranked me saying that it was cancelled grrrr haha.
was really shagged at the end of the day because only eight turned up for club trg so everyth we did was more concentrated on the few of us.
and there was so much lower-body/leg work! argh
despite having gotten jelly legs, was still fun luh :) :)

and ahem a ten-second scene which made my day/night:

miss chen: hi sarah.

me: *smiles, waves casually*

-barely three seconds later-

miss chen: bye sarah.

me: *unable to contain my joy* -laughs- bye!

___________________________________________________

today is ultimate tennis off-form day.
went to the warrens to play with melan and !@#$%^&*( couldn't be worst
my legs were so heavy and painful
my arms felt really lazy
it rained halfway while we were playing.
to be honest, i think clearing the water off the court with the roller was more fun hahaha

my quarts and hamstring
dying on me

at least i came back home to awesome frozen strawberries and cream
best remedy to save the day