everytime i try to fly i fall, without my wings i feel so small

i am currently listening to lonestar's amazed and i'm having it on repeat mode. i never get tired of this song, never

anyw, i bathed using diluted/mildly concentrated champagne/wine (what's the difference hur) just now! i still feel the stickiness on my skin and i dont really like it. i think i smell sweet and i shudder at the thought that ants might crawl all over me when i'm asleep :O
okayi i get it i shouldnt be paranoid.
um so yeap my mom forced me to cos she believes that it'll do good to my burnt skin. maybe make me fairer or someth hahahha
well, to prevent myself from having to do this again i shall apply sunscreen tmr (for pesta sukan round 2) :D

speaking of pesta sukan, i dont really feel excited about it. not yet, perhaps. my heart is gripped by fear, though.
what if i dont perform well?
what if its my off-day?
what if my (re)jammed thumb makes it harder for me to pass and receive the ball?
what if i die of exhaust on court?
i know i shouldnt be having so many doubts and all or else i'll be frantic and overly-tensed, but :S
am in no mood to continue this post
i just quarrelled with my parents.

raise your voice, like it intimidates me a single bit.
freak my family is screwed/
or maybe i am
i dont know whats wrong with my parents. since everything i do is wrong in their eyes,
since they say that all i bring is trouble, since they say that the older i get the worse i become,
then fine.
fuck you idiots. you asses who dont even know a single shit about me. i may not be in any position to say this but i'll just say it, you dont deserve to be parents.
you dont know how to bring up kids. look at how i turned out. look at how jer and jov turned out.
they say you're not supposed to wash your dirty family laundry in public but i'm doing it because i dont even feel part of it. my bros curse and swear behind your back, they act like hooligans and they pick on others in school all the time. and you dont even know.
they stole from you, too. you dont even know.
you can spend all your time on your work, and come back home feeling stressed and mad and then you lash out on us.
sure, go ahead. at the end of your life you realise you have the largest sum of retirement fund, but look around, and see there's no one to spend it with.
you dont know how broken this family is. its broken beyond repair.
ok i will speak to you properly. i will speak to you politely and not show any sense of irritation nor anger. i will speak to you like we're not connected by blood ties. like a stranger, and aqquaintance, someone i barely know.
respect is not given, its earned.
just because you are my parents, it doesn mean i have to be your daughter.
i hope you somehow read this. and realise everything.
i hope you know you've ruined my evening, my tmr, and supposedly our sunday.
i hope.

fools. we all are.