sneaked out from the kitchen to blog! yes, while the stuff is still baking. it smells allurrinnngggg, just hopes the end product turns out just as good though i am very doubtful of it. the first batch didnt look very promising. i'm gonna be such a sweetie tmr (laughs)!

i dont know (or maybe i do, actually) why i'm feeling this way. tsk, its so strong you know. i'm like, fighting it back and everything.
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
this is crazy.
i want to text you i want to text you i want to text you i want to text you
seriously insane.
i want to hear your voice i want to hear your voice i want to hear your voice
very very mad.
i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here
whatever manzxc, back to baking. its so much fun.
pictures will be up when i get home. i'm a supermodel-cum-baker-cum-suntanner and yes i forsee a bright future ahead.

i'm sorry. please? forgive me?

loooooovvvveeeeee, xoxo
ciao.

coolio glam shoot at the art studio

the title says it all! and - i've been blogging wayyy lot i realise - like a post a day or more (horror, have i turned into a no life somebody!). back to the main point. i forgot that i had a course today! was rushing insanely when i got the reminder from the reception.

okay, so headed to this i-forgot-what-french-or-italiano-super-duper-long-name arts studio feeling all hyped up and excited and nervous cos i didnt know what to expect at all. like, i was there becos i got picked out by the levi's sales-coordinate for this course two weeks ago when i was at one of their outlets (see, i'm photogenic please -dont live in self delusion, eh-). too bad i didnt take any picture of their main reception area. i mean, i would have looked so noobish had i taken out my camera and started shooting everyth there. but boy it was so sleek, everything was reflective and... white. i felt so out of place (hhaha joking?).

then i met the other four ladies and got to know them and stuff. jacqueline is cool: she's twentyone and she drives a ford, plus she has contact(s) only in one eye so her eyes' colours dont match. oh she is dang english and doesnt speak chinese at all (singaporean lei). the rest of them (ningxuan, amy, rachael) are just slightly older than me. and they are all very very chinese. fun people anyw haha, the clique five.

got to the intro of the basic modelling(is it?) course. davis (the main director who took us) is really gay. he's so gay, i - i really dont know how to describe him. yeah he told us about angular smiles and basic camera tricks. 45degree angled cameras really do make a difference when you take zilian pictures, you know. then he taught us to pose and showed (showed only, no catwalk down the runway, fortunately) us how to walk with poise. man, his gaywalk was so the gay, please.

finally got to the main part of the whole thing. glam shots! lights, camera, pose, shoot! they did nothing to my hair. not much done to my face either. they just moistened up my lips, brushed my face up a little, lightened my eyebags and done. ha, they loved my tan, "its beautiful"!

it was funny when we were doing group shots! like, davis said, "stick out your bums, ladies! you're doing a levi shot!" then we made this argh! face and sticked our bums out anyw. uh, ut was just a little too much so he went like, "well you see, if this shot was for a pin-up poster, IT HAS TO BE PG! au natural!" or someth like that, i cant rmb.

and cos i was wearing my very own eve's straight levis super low waist i couldnt bend down a lot or else, my pink undies would be exposed for all to see. so i was naturally trying to do stand-up shots as much as possible. then davis was shouting "variety!" "variety!" "variety!"

hiak, the one and a half hour passed really quickly. rather fun, i must say. just very embarrassing cos it was all about your body (and as you know i am not very happy about mine, sigh) and when they try to shape your pose up they really lay their hands on you.

and i earned money! shadnt say how. anyw, i might (might) post some of the glam shots taken at the studio when they mail it over. see how it goes, if i'm pleased with what i see, hahhaa. cant wait for jacq and the rest to come online, pictures to share! it was fun, made new friends, the high life/supermodel fullstop

treated my two grandaunts to dinner cos i got my paycheck. then met jeremy tng. let the pictures do the talking (though they dont do justice to the fun i had).

i'm outside, but some fine day i just might be on the inside.

changing room, courtesy of jacq

i'm your supermodel.
quite an exciting day after all, isnt it?

au natural, ciao.

the new doesnt come till the old goes

did someth to my blog, and notice that i've got a title to this post! my first ever title, actually. dont think too deeply into its content.

i'm into a blogg readinggg frennzzyyyy. well not exactly, i've just been reading joanna and shona's blogs for like, the past three hours. http://moonblushedmushrooms.blogspot.com/ / http://ilovegummyworms.blogspot.com/ . those adventures half an earth away at edinburgh/london wherever, cambridge, ah. they're really fortunate things who have learnt how to survive (i really mean survive) and have fun all at the same time - abroad.
i yearn to go to some faraway university campus someday (actually just five or six more years), but goodness knows if my grades/monetary issues can make it. and whether i can let go of all these delicacies and the friendship (or ha, perhaps more) bonds forged over the years here in singapore.

i'm getting really bored here, stiffled and stiffened to my new hand-me-down chair typing and blog-viewing and reading kissed by an angel all at once. i need to get out and feel some shineeeee. i think i'm going to grow mouldy, haaaaa.
i think i shall go to some gv cinema soon to collect my membership card. then drop by at delifrance to get those fruit tarts. or maybe chocolate crinkles at savours, i've been craving for them. feels pretty good having money right at hand, cos i dont have to limit my indulgence. but thats a pretty bad thing too cos i have no self control (money wise, and well what goes into my stomach).

been thinking, people do change and feelings do fade. so yes i think i've thought myself into another fear. i'm afraid of changes. i dont want to one day wake up to another world. where overnight, the people i trust most have turned into some other stranger i hardly recognise. i dont want to part, or know that someday i'll not be a part of that person's life, or that we will be apart. i have no idea why i'm thinking about all these relatively unpleasant stuff now. sigh, sigh.

i'm fickle, i admit. about a lot of stuff, clothes especially. just last year (okay, months ago - bad attempt to make it sound like a longggg time ago cos its cny anyw) i was all into sunny shorts and a long tee. you'll never guess whats in my closet now. yes, the sbs still stay (please). but i've got a pinafore dress (no its not my school uniform)! and another skirt! and someth rather, classy/sophisicated/retro-ish/girl, just someth i thought i would never have laid hands on. hiak hiak hiak, and diy manicures. and rings, and bracelets, chains, necklaces, pins - suddenly they dont seem like such a bad idea. hahhaa, if this is getting too much for you, i'll stop.

sometimes when there's only one thing left to say,
p.s. i love you

xoxo, ciao.

say, the people i dont want to hear from are telling me things i want to hear.
sigh, will you say you miss me?
getting cooped up in this stuffy place is doing me no more good than harm, i'm not feeling better. my head just feels reeally weighty and all that. i think it'll be a lot better had i gone out today. i want to go out tmr!
nevertheless, must stay happy! stay happy stay happy stay happy
ciao.
____________________________

these apologies were not left there unsaid
yet your stranger gaze still pierces me through
tear at my flesh like a hammer to my head
like i'm this person you never knew
tried to turns things back to what they once were
all the same time not knowing how to
for one thing i could not condemn for sure
was if the you i had known stays true

when we were friends it was all so usual then
they say you never know till you lose it at the end

but i havent lost it and we never will
the stars in the sky
and the glimmer in my eye
what's become of you and me
we're running on the same track, different lanes
and no matter at what pace, or which direction
deadly sure, we'll meet again
when that happens we'll catch our breaths
and sprint together one last lap
the comma, then the full stop,
thats when our friendship deserves a clap.

please?

reached home at like, two in the morning yesterday and i almost fell asleep when i was bathing. i mean it (literally).
well, if mp knows abt this she'll flip: i'm sick. i'm running a temp and i've got nasty mucus/phlegm. i dont know how i got myself sick cos (surprisingly) i didnt eat a lot yesterday. i was busy socialising, collecting angbaos, playing lame games, talking, singing, reading new moon, reading kissed by an angel, and ohyes, painting my nails (or getting my cousin to do them for me). anyw, i'm dyingggg for eclipse! i need to read it super despoly, like nowwwww. stephenie meyer's books have sorta become my drug or someth. lovesick vampires and a self-sacrificing human who can hardly balance due to generic problems are the bomb (ticking - ticking - ticking - ticking - ticking. waiting to explode right in my face).
my parents are such asses (haha), tsk, prospective son-in-law. what a flukeeee plan. but it was dang fun and funny sitting and talking for two whole hours over at uncle michael's house. yes it was so embarrassing cos i almost rolled down the stairs. went up to his roof (with the glass covered toilet lol to see stars when bathing/peeing) to star gaze. and he does have quite some knowledge on comets and all. a telescope too, man.

was prettaye happy and high yesterday cos i forgot abt it (like totally!). now that i'm stuck at home doing aboslutely nothingness i shall not brood over it. i'll come up with someth positively corrective instead (plann A, here goes nothing...).

gahhh i hope my fever goes away so that i might (might) have a teeny weeny chance that my mom will allow me out of the house.
certainly hope what daddy said wasnt true, cos if thats the case, how long will it take? how long will i have to be away? gahhh, but will anyone even care if i'm not around? will anyth even change if i cease to exist? ahhhhhh.
ciao.
_______________________________________

"before you, bella, my life was like a moonless night. very dark, but there were stars -- points of light and reason. ...and then you shot across my sky like a meteor. suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. when you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. i couldnt see the stars anymore. and there was no more reason for anything."
i wanted to believe him. but this was my life without him that he was describing, not the other way round.

when i told you that i didnt want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.

- stephenie meyer, new moon

"one thing i truly knew -- knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest -- was how love gave someone the power to break you.
i'd been broken beyond repair."
- stephenie meyer, twilight

i'm almost halfway through with the book. i reckon i'll be done with it by at most 3AM tmr. and i'll have to live with my eyebags/rings on the first day of cny cos i just wont put the book down. its getting a little sad in here. more than a little, actually. very, very sad. sigh.
edward left. he left with the cullens. he left bella behind. point is, he left. its really heartbreaking, heartwrenching - i mean, their love was (almost) perfect, please. he left her but he will never truly leave her (in a sense). somehow he still lingers, and his voice appears to direct her when she's in the most difficult or dangerous circumstances.
it was really like, suck-in-air-to-stop-you-from-crying-kind-of-sound when he said this:
"and i'll make you a promise in return. i promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. i wont come back again. i wont put you throught anything like this again. you can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. it will be as if i'd never existed."
stupid man, how will that be possible. and poor jacob, i dont know whats happening. he's just like this drug bella is feeding on to keep her mind off edward, to heal the pain. but i think love doesnt work that way - you cant simply replace cos each is different, no matter what. you dont use someone to forget someone else. its totally unfair and, well its just, not how true love works la okayi. wait a min - bella didnt think she would have liked jacob this much. she just found comfort and solace in him. like, he was her personal sun. she didnt think that she would actually need him after a while. gahhh, i want edward to come back. i feel that they belong together. this is idealistic love, and such ideals should work out. i hope stephenie meyer doesnt let her readers down. i want to read on to a happy ending. yes i shall continue burrying my head in new moon.
and oh boy, i'm soundly amazed by how much a book can affect my emotions. i really am sad, you know. laugh, please.
*cries*
and i'm starting to have my very on views and perspective on love. nflueeeenza books, tsk.

ciao.

went to bishan library and ate (drank a little) ben and jerry's s'mores (i meant them separately). sigh, okay not funny. and (yay) i borrowed new moon and i will attempt to finish it by tonight/tmr morning. you see, i tend to think less abt other stuff and concentrate a lot on the story when i read.

i want to read p.s. i love you before watching it. or should i not?

happy chinese new year (eve/in advance) yeah.
doubt i'll be happy if i dont settle it, though. sigh.
i'm sorry.
your words like poison darts going straight at me. but i guess it was what i unintentionally did that broke that reflective shield. really, unintentional.
ciao.