this post has no title hahaha

credits to photographer teehuixian! :D tseyin damn heavy luh. hahaha its the only picture i have to remember this day.

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the incredulous drama happened just last night, but now it seems like such a long time ago.
it was a narrow escape from the clutches of death which i would have rather been held by.

there was no planning prior to it.

i was lying on my bed, my tear-stained face buried in a pillow. i covered my ears with both hands, trying to muffle the sound of your laughter, your voice, those sweet words which were now hollow with truth. but i couldnt stifle those sounds, because they were coming from within me. a million beautiful pictures of you and i in the past flashed through my spinning head and god, at that moment i knew just what i had to do.
there was no other way.
"um, dont have a choice."
that, was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

i missed you in a way so unhinged, i was going deranged.

it was ludicrous. i washed up hurriedly before amassing as much money as i could, and even though i digged through all my coin banks and wallets and the corners i used to throw my spare change in a fit of laziness, all i gathered was a meagre sum of eight dollars.

then, i dashed out of the house, ignoring the questions which were shot at me like poisoned arrows; each word of concern penetrated through my heart, making it ache so badly, for at that moment i thought i wasnt going to see them ever again.

i found my way to the mart blocks away. i felt unusually calm.
masking on a sterner face, i grabbed a bacardi and a pack of six panadols. at the checkout counter, i was gently reminded to not take the two together. i shrugged and unloaded all my money on the table. then i brisked off, without my change, my conscience, my humanity.

i found a deserted corner not that far away from a basketball court where i built my childhood.
emptiness and desolation seeped into me. the beat sound produced by the ball bouncing was like a countdown to my end.

the howling wind caressed my face gently, like a final embrace, a last goodbye.
i tucked my legs close to my body.
i took the first pill. "for you," i said. "for 25 december 2007."
tears welled up, threatening to fall.
i took the second pill. "for you," i said. "for 25 march 2008."
they trickled down my cheeks.
i took the third pill. "for you," i said, louder this time. "for 23 april 2008."
at that point, i was sobbing uncontrollably.
then i popped the rest of the pills, and downed the whole bottle of liqour in a bid to, perhaps, fill myself.
i swear i wasn't drunk.
i swear i was totally conscious.
i swear i meant to kill myself.

...

(but i never did succeed.)

- haras hog,
17 october 2008 6.45PM

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fact or fiction?
please do not think too much into the story above written by yours truly :)
and comment luh.

cabbed to sch tdy even though i was kinda early (um i left house at 6AM) cos i felt like it hahaha.
gleeeeful cos the parental department gave me money for my fare and i got to keep the change !!! every cent counts now cos i'm awfullyyy broke (thanks to our dearest tanya who broke that vase in the end we split cost to pay for it two hundred bucks each walao)

its the end of end of year exams but i've got a hunch i've done rather badly so i am not entirely happy now :S
chinese paper was so-so.

anyw, (instead of training, i) caught another movie at vivo with the class tdy!
20th century
quite cool and a tad scary, though there were barely any pretty boys, unlike what alicia said.
but its a trilogy and i hate stuff like that cos i like proper endings. all the more if they are happy ones :)

after that huey and i went to meet kristal yeyun and lois at harbourfront's KFC.
went straight home after that.

tsk. i've contacted four tattoo parlours and so far the minimum age is sixteeen
they refuse to work on minors like me.
legally or illegally, by hook or by crook, i will get a tattoo this holiday.
hahaha but first i'll have to lose all my fats so in time to come the skin wont sag.

oh. and i listened to live "river flows in you" tdy morning before assembly :)
sknaht tseyin (and suzanne)!

tanya wants me to accompany her when she goes to meet her online maple BF under a hdb blockkkkkkkkk. i say, that guy, whoever he is has ill intentions hahahaha

goodbye.