whistle for the choir

i am feeling very sorry for myself now. my life seems pathetically screwed at the moment. turned out, i could not wake up at three in the morning today (actually no surprise but still) and thus had only a teeny weeny bit of time to study. and that was before assembly when everyth (from the clouds to nicole's pocky sticks) distracts me! not to mention that i wasnt in the mood for any kind of last minute mugging. i rarely am, i suppose.
so congratulations and celebrations to me stone-head, i am almost sure i will get a zero for that pui-ing maths test. and it should be the first in my life. i dont know if i should laugh or cry. well it seemed as though this hardly affected me in the day but its hitting me reallyyy hard now. like, oh no dang die. shit. and then there's this load of assignment of which pile is as thick as (the brain juices in) my head (which is absolutely the thickest ever). i cant breathe. i am hyperventilating. okay no i am not, but i think i sometimes do hyperventilate when i sleeep (naturally). back to the point about homework. well i actually resolved, right after that creep of a maths test, to mug incentively hard and all. just when i feel the rush and motivation the stinking work has to comeeee right smack into my face. so much at one go i dont feel the urge to be a good student anymore. its alright if you dont get what i mean, because (i know i know) i am losing my flow of writing, all my substantial points, all the literarature words and all the pargons - and that is another reason why i am so annoyed with myself. then, i am feeling so small and pitiful as neither the school library nor the jurong east library (which supposedly has an avalanche of books) has any of jodi picoult's books which are not on loan, in transition, or lost. i now have to borrow the book from ms. greedy tricia kok. and she claims i have to lend her something in return, thats how life works. i will be a mighty friend and lend her a cookie. and she will have to return it to me only after i have finished reading her book. no you read correctly, one cookie fullstop sigh the jamster's gig is coming up and i cant take the pressure. please pray for me. i am thankful for some people still remember my birthday. smiles to myself. i have come to terms with it and i will not be expecting much from my schoolmates because i think i have been keeping to myself a whole lot these days so much that no one seems to remember me. i am just happy i have three five minute present-collection dates from my churchies and jamsters have been repeating and repeating and repeating the countdowns to my birthday. and of cos, (i hope) i have my darling. i feel like a pessimistic ass now. i am no longer looking forward to my birthday. nor any other day. oh dang do i sound suicidal, i think i do.
i am amused by how emo i sound. and how long this unparagraphed paragraph is.
p.s. this is not pms. i just miss tomtom a lot (haha). and i want to read something stephenie meyer. i wonder when my ankle will fully recover. a childhood should not be wasted on doing stupid assignments and CID projects. what a waste manzxc, what a waste.
i know i will feel all smiley again tmr. life's like this - constantly in motion. so much that i sometimes find it hard to catch up with myself. stay in touch, yo.
ciao.