we built it up to watch it fall

i feel like the whole wide world is just a dark lie and i dont know what is true and what is not.
and no, i dont feel this way because mommy broke her promise - she said she was bringing us out for dinner but i guess things cropped up again (not totally, anyw).

i have had enough of pretending i had no idea what you were talking about, and i cant ignore the outbursts of laughter anymore.
maybe it is not as serious or as stoke as i think it is, or i might just be making a mountain out of a molehill. i. just. cant. stand. it. anymore.
you said that you will stand by me, and if there was anything wrong or whatever that made me unhappy i could share with you. most importantly, you told me that i was not alone.
now it seems that these words bear no meaning, they're just crisps of air of no importance, plain bullshit. bullshit.
i found out about ALG, or ASR/ARS.
it might jolly well just be a joke or someth really fun/funny at that point in time, but i guess we dont see eye to eye cos i dont get your sense of humour.
and sure, after everything is said and done the guilt builds up, and whatever follows.
you just have no idea what conclusion this has brought me to, and just when i felt that some of the truest friendships were on court.
i feel so distant now. hurt, even.
true or untrue _________, i really dont know.
you, you, you, you, and you.
tell me.
it has lost its meaning. i no longer trust it. it is no longer a source of motivation.

somehow or rather boyfriend made me feel so much less alone today, yo.
maybe, maybe, cleo is right on jamsters vs netball.
but the people on the outside dont feel what the rest inside feel.

there is no 'i' on court, there is only me?

and i really need you here now, but
flyaway.