seriously

i hate facing things alone.

i hate not meeting up to expectations.

i hate feeling inferior and insecure.

i hate darkness (sometimes).

i hate the sight of withering sunflowers.

i hate buzzing muffled speakers.

i hate forgetting where i last stopped reading (r and j).

i hate it when i seek and not find.

i hate knowing that seasons do go, people do change, and feelings do fade.

i hate being in a dire financial situation.

i hate that message that says "no space for new messages".

i hate to be uncertain of my feelings/emotions.

i hate it when my creative player runs out of battery.

i hate it when i feel disconnected to the world (sometimes).

i hate to let go (i know i never can - i've tried).

i hate it when i dont have time for my MTs and QTs.

i hate it when i see some stuff and let my imagination run (wild).

i hate it when i have insomnia/amnesia (cant sleep).

i hate the feeling when the words get stuck in my throat.

i hate nights when i kick off my blanket and feel so cold,

or when my cellphone falls into the slit in between my bed and my table and i end up having to spend a whole ten minutes looking for it the next morning.

i hate losing confidence.

i hate my maid when she mixes up my brother's and my pillow, or when she tells on me (sometimes, haha).

i hate to suppress laughter.

i hate it (absolutely) when my computer crashes on me.

i hate masquerade balls.

i hate that kind of irritating feeling when the word/song title is at the tip of my tongue but i just cant seem to say it out (momentary forget).

i hate it when my shirt-of-the-day is not dry.

i hate being hungry when i'm on a diet.

i hate to not be able to cry out loud (sometimes, lol, COL).

i hate ringing/noisy keychains.

i hate being jealous.

i hate to accept the fact that... ...

okayi, maybe "hate" isnt the word to use. but, why, you cant expect me to edit all the "hate"s out.

i hate feeling empty,
ciao.

i want to ride in a hot air balloon on a star bountiful night

romeo and juliet - the tragic events that relate to each other, one coming after another,
were they results of human responsibility (untaken care of) or just, fate?
shakespeare once said "it is not in the stars to hold our destiny but ourselves".
anyw, i changed my mindset. after really thinkingg through, r and j is not all about sex after all, there are so much deeper concepts i failed to grasp previously.
like the constant contradiction of the plot, the more than just amorous feelings romeo and juliet had, the struggle of free will and fate. shakespeare is brilliant.
shalt thou spell tongues in the name of art thou past english (if you get what i mean haha)?

(there is so much more i want to learn.
i want to like, study r and j.
and i want to study the stars and astrology stuff and all.
tttsssskkkk.)

yes, tricia and livia and sarah formed the "three man choir" today. oh plus fishh our hyung conductor ahhahaha. at first it was "three woman choir + hyung conductor" but trik figured that woman sounded so weak (sexist), so we changed it and it seemed rather, ha, fitting (bah). performed at the courtcet (concert) hall and dang was it hilarious. ask our audience/loyal fans (actually only sharlene and yuyan), it was worth every drop of sweat perspired.

i had a sumptous dinner.
my mom's pineapple rice with so much pork floss (more than rice itself).
some weird soup i decided not to take cos it looked off-colour (haha).
delifrance's fruit tarts (yay!).
delifrance's chocloate muffins (yippeee!).
some pudding my daddy bought from the belgian dessert kiosk (gosh!).

go go go for tmr's gameee.
wwwhooooooshhhh rvvvvvv.
:D

and i love you,
ciao.

we could be heroes just for one day

almost died on the bus, tsk. anywwww.

yet another typical school day in rvhs. i attempted to write down a journal entry of my whole day (as in writing down lines every in between/during lessons) and i used up a full sheet of fullscap paper but dang it, i lost it.

i looked at the (class) clock five times today and it showed 8.40AM and 8.40AM and 8.40AM and 8.40AM and 8.40AM (all five times). the clock stopped.

sometimes i wished time would stop too. like, how nice it would be if everything around could just freeze, and i could spend my forever in a moment like this/that. i'd look at all the lovely faces i want to remember, and register them all in my head, no, my heart. i wish i could live in that second forever, and ever. sometimes.

one day, i'll invent a something (in whatever form) that could translate tears to words.

romeo and juliet is such a tragedy.

"for never was a story of more woe than romeo and juliet."

"all are punished."

tsk, what a tragedy (for crying out loud). i want to watch it again (and cry my heart out).

i think leonardo dicaprio made a reallyy hott romeo, however passe (slang) he may be now.

i didnt manage to find out who played juliet in the film (cos ms chew switched the player off quarterway through the subtitles), but i like her pretty much too.

and i suddenly feel like watching titanic also.

sigh, "this love feels i, that feel no love in this."

the friendly against SSS was (slightly) better than i thought. yayyyyyyyyyyy.

and amsofundhdsfbdkdyxgatydrzp at ms chen's cold-hot-bath-therapy cos i feel all weird now. like, tsk, hahahhaa.

anddddd sunkiss is officially tom-tom's (btw it needs a bath deperately) second best friend.

i want to bake.

realised that i really am not as afraid of the dark anymore.
or maybe it was cos of the moonlight.

all the little person on the earth asks of is for the moon to shine ever so brightly/brighter than before. even if only the sun is capable (of making the moon light up the dark sky). althoughhhhh.... :(
but you know, taureans are jealous and possesive people. true to a certain extenttt, howdyyyy.

i just want you to know,

ciao.

they kissed four times and then exchanged wedding vows, mind you they didnt know each other till the day before

romeo and juliet, aye. cont'ed watching the movie today, and whoaa things were getting real hot *sweats*.

stayed back in school for a whilee, then crazayeee people, we took off our shoes and flunkk them like, awayy. then we played barefooted/shoeless and laughed like such asses. street netball with yearfour seniors after thaaat. tsk, tried to go watch the juniors train but ms loo chased us away immediately after we sat down.
there's like this bigggg (and i mean big) patch of uh, bruise on my left knee and it hurts a lot okayi. and my muscles are still not looooose. and everything, and everything, and everything, oh dang. we've got like a friendly against SSS tomorrow. how sudden can things gettttttt manzxc aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

and bully gang (+/- yuyan) went on our first missionn today. we attempted to stalk (guess who?) ms chen! tsk, failed (horribly and terribly and vegeetably). i mean, we were hardly starting on it and yet she saw us alr. tttssssskkkkkkkkkkk. so well, everyone went home.

reached home (relatively) early today. daddyy appeared rather pleased at this when i was on the phone with him just now.
hopefully (cross my fingerrrs) he'll be pleased enough to buy me that portable baking oven! i have been wanting to bake since a hundred years ago (actually just today during cid cos i was texting tarzan about cakes and muffins and everything). ohyes, i am mad at tarzan D:

yayyyyy i got my fourth sunflower. and this time withhh a hint too.
i'm gettinggggg.. closeeeeeee(r) (i hope).

anyw, realised that i have been eating all sorts of junkie (and hardly any staples at all), but yesssss this is good, i've successfully lost like, half a kilooogrammmmm.
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

xoxo, (it was pretty cold today lei)
ciao.

we did pit ourselves against them and put up quite a fight, didnt we?

we just started off badly. and it was a tad difficult to catch up. but, we did narrow the score difference and everythingg.
its not the end (bah) and mp said that everyone in there played hard (enough).
lesson learnt, we'll own the nexxxxtttt game (hopefully, fingers crossed, hopefully).

haiya, where's sunflower anonymous?
i demand for a sunflower. now now now.
anddd whoooever is secret admirer (i suspect that she's a sec one netballer who is so dangggggg tsk tsk tsk cos she refuses to tell me her identity).

there's like, something stuck in my throat.
like, a fish bone or somethinggg.
tsk, no la, they're just... words.

sssssigggggggghhhh, i feel like eating a christmas pudding now.
yay ben and jerry's.

why why why must the moon need the sun?
why cant the moon do without the sun?
what if the little person bought a gahzillion light bulbs?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

ciao.

you're my edward, but you're not my edward cullen

this post shall have no title

where shall i begin?

ta-da trainingg did not end exactly at 12.30PM (i should have expected it), hurphhhhh. so couldnt catch P.S. I LOVE YOU (sometimes there's only one thing left to say) at vivo's gv cos we were released when the show was due to start in like, fifteen minutes (horror).
so i watched it at JE (i didnt know it was shaw till today) with the (stinking) doggggggg (hahhaa). tsk, we missed the first part, as in some five minute introduction (which, i think contained all the sexual scenes yeah). it was really, not bad at all. like, yeah it pulled at the heartstrings a little (but not enough) and it was one of those movies which does not really have a climax. but, it was sad. now i am more determined (than ever) to read the novel.

then i went on the cable car (and to sentosa)! and i was not afraid. like, not at all. smilezxczxc to all cowards out there who are (currently) height-phobic. twenty nine and sixty four. things look different when you're up there. and we saw so many couples dining insideeeeee (fffffft so romantic please).

i spenttttt a lot today, but its okay, cos i did what i've been wanting to, all in a day!
and i got my third sunflowerrrrrr!
now i've gotta rack my brains and thinkkk of what other stuff i want to do/see next.
the first thing that comes to my mind is (guess?) - sleep.
yes i am dead beat and goodnight to all lost souls out there because my world is so bright tonight.
i need my moon.
sometimes there's only one thing left to say,
p.s. i love you -
ciao.

what if the moment of truth was built on lies

update:
I KNOW MS CHEN'S BIRTHDAY.
_____________________________

my today revolved so much around philosophical talk on the sun, the moon, and the little person on the earth.

it all started with my stupid question i asked trik. we attempted to walk around the track in four minutes (we succeeded, anyw). and we had quite an uh, exciting and interesting (and agitated) conversation about the moon. trik was mocking my absurd stupidity, but i actually knew what she was talking about all along. i just wanted to live a bit longer in self delusion - i'd rather believe that i was special and the moon followed me for a reason you know. tsk. that was my morning.

then fish and i had like, an hour and twenty minutes of free period right after break (imagine doing without lessons for two hours). so i told her about the sun and the moon and the little person on the earth. she told me about her day and her night. and we were like talking/debating about everyth in astrological terms. and it all made sense. i mean, tsk, we are such genuises. went to sit by the court, and that was where i found another way to de-stress. i emptied almost everyth from my pencil case, then we started to (literally) throw/fling them (onto the court you know). then we took off one shoe and fffffffffft, and our shoes flewwwwwww. (we had to pick all the stuff up in the end, like, duh.)

my chinese test will be a total disaster. i am so absolutely sure of that. today's one of the no-mood-to-think-of-anyth-but-the-moon-days. sigh.

now, let me tell you the story of the sun, the moon, and the little person on the earth.
once upon a time (actually, it should start with: now you see,) there was this round, full moon in the sky.
the moon was beautiful, or perfect, as so the little person on the earth thought.
however, the moon relied on the sun.
the sun meant a lot to the moon, and the moon only lit up when the sun was around.
it was sort of as if the moon needed the sun to live on.
the sun had been there as long as the moon had been.
the moon hardly looked at earth and the little person on it.
the moon only did so when it was night, when the sun was not around.
the moon did not know that the little person on the earth looked at the moon every night, and longed for the moon every single day.
the moon meant a lot to the little person on the earth.
but the little person on the earth hardly meant anything to the moon; the little person was just another person on the earth who appreciated the moon.
the moon hardly noticed the little person's absense or pressence.
the moon was also ever-changing: it was full and round and bright one day; sometimes it was just a crescent; and at other times it would be blocked off by some hazy clouds.
this fateful day, there was an eclipse.
the moon was hidden by the sun, they had taken off together.
the little person on the earth was heartbroken.
the little person's world sudden turned into darkness once again.
there were bright shining stars around to comfort the little person on the earth, but none of them stood out as much as the moon once did.
the moon was still brighter than any other star.
the earth felt dim and cold without the moon.
the little person stood in the middle of the earth that night, waiting for the moon.
but the moon did not appear.
the little person stood in the middle of the earth again the next night, waiting for the moon.
but the moon did not appear.
the little person stood in the middle of the earth again the following night, waiting for the moon once again.
but the moon did not appear.
the moon appeared only to care about the sun.
if only the moon knew how much the little person on the earth needed the moon.
a tear fell from the little person's weary eyes...

what a tragic story right, tsk.
siggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i miss you more than i did a minute ago
ciao.

we watch the season pull up its own stakes, and catch the last weekend of the last week

*update:
i cant crack my knuckles (at least, not on my own) but i have been involunteerily cracking my jaw (and its really loud) ??
___________________________

above is the start of dashboard confessional's stolen. okay i know this is like a how-many months-ago song but well, i'm only starting to really like it now.

anyw i penned down my inspiration (again) today and got this:
_________________________
when i stay away

i'm not looking but your picture's in my head
i'm not speaking but those words are on my mind
i'm not crying but i'm breaking to pieces inside
i am seeing but my world's in darkness, i am blind

when i stay away you are okay
but i'm not, i'm not
i try to disappear day by day
but i'm not, i'm not

*i watched the seasons change
felt the teardrops fall
how i wish that you
hadn't left at all
tried to pull you back
to my side
but you're pushing like never before
i cant break through this wall

i am looking but you're not meeting my gaze
i am speaking but you're not listening
i am crying but you dont know that i do
i'm not seeing yet i see you, i see you smiling

when you stay away i'm not okay
but you are, you are
you try to disappear day by day ---
(but do you think you are)

*[insert fall/chorus]

[bridge]
you run ten miles
build a hideout
nothing changes it all still remains the same
the yearning for the drug
you've already made your mark
even if i toast ten bottles of sorrow
it will only die this way
is there a tomorrow

*[insert fall/chorus]
_________________________

well, this is gonna be worth like, so many so many smiles - we beat nanyang (its getting hot in here)! steady legs dont fail me now. they didnt. or maybe, it was all in the mind and if i really wanted to i could last. i dont want to limp on court. steady legs dont fail me now.
what mp did/said, and what i told her in return. rvnb hot hot, (sorry i'm just gonna borrow this one line) all it takes is all we've got.
but then again a lot of things could have been better. like my passes [especially those to nicole (horrible terrible vegetable placement)]. and this and that and oh my gosh i think i've got a test tmr but i havent studied for it do you think i will study for it haha i might if i feel like doing so but i am not exactly in the mood for revision so i shall not dang this i kinda get a kick from typing without full stops what an ass i know but this is exciting you should try it everyone should and lets just exterminate that little irritating dot manzxc oops did i use the verb appropriately who cares anyw oh and i seriously dont know if i will do well for my personal reccount test i hope i do haha okay this is it bye bye sunflower anonymous where are you who are you why are you i want you to talk to me cos i am happy today i am waiting for the next sunflower just tell me who you are one last bye bye bye bye

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
(for your info those dots up there are to make up for the fullstops i did not insert in the previous paragraph.)

i could fly across the world and see everything but never be satisfied if i couldnt see those eyes,
ciao.

and i forgot that its jerald goh jun hao's birthday. i am such an ass (who should just blow herself up).

right all along from the very start (i guess)

my drug and my drug's drug.
i think i've been given up on.
going insane thinking about this and that and everything.
maybe i've been right all along.
i have no idea why i feel this way.
hidden blogs here and there yet i cant truly express myself even so.
and that's because i dont know what to say.
i dont know how i really feel. all i feel is the want and the need.
even the strongest words seem insufficient at times.
sometimes what i say dont come out as what i mean.
sometimes i just shoot my mouth off and i say stuff that i live to regret.
i've tried to take a step back, no make it a hundred steps back.
but everyth goes step by step, and i've never made it past step three.
or maybe i didnt want to.
i just couldnt. like, i dont know, really.
i'm not good with words. i'm really not articulate. what can i say to let you know how i feel? how i feel when ___ ____ __ __ _____, __ _____. when ___ ____ __ ____. when ___ ____ __ ___ ____ __. when _ ___ _ ____ ___.
steady legs dont fail me now.
if you dont want to see me ever, just say.
if thats what you want, i'll stay away.
leave you alone, i'll make it a point to, okay.
steady legs dont fail me now.
i should shut down all my hidden blogs and erase all the memories along with them.
steady legs dont fail me now.
i dont know why this is so great an impact.
i dont feel right for nanyang's game. i think i wont be ready tmr. sorry.

mystery sunflower anonymous, come out please?

keep my hand in the fire, sooner or later, i'll get what i'm asking for

red is painful
(part 1)
when i hide no one tries to find
emotions kill and i've died
i would rather lose my mind
than keep this all inside

you've never said you'll stay with me
i'm asking you now, will you
let me know that through it all
at least one thing stays true

just stay with me
(on me) dont give up
you dont know how that one word
broke my heart

(part 2)
one loss and i'm taking it down
with me on the underside
you dont know if you dont try
this blasphemy's white

all my soul i've put into this
tender notes, harmony sweet
what was once a perfect feat
turn finite time back, please

(cliche as all these words may be
they come deep down from inside of me)

let's work it out
(of me) dont let go
just be who we want to be
rock and roll
_________________________________

and the only reason why i named this piece that is cos i was writing in red all this while. its pretty amazing how i can get to create stuff like that during chinese lessons when i'm sitting all the way in front, hyuk. it has meaning, please.

i made a great choice in coming back earlier todayi. cos of the sunflower (ten smiles worth manzxc) hey you sunflower anonymous you better own up this instant. whoever you are anyw, i'm reallyy happyyy okayi. just you watch out cos my boyfriend and i are gonna track you down.

nanyang tmr, assholes! we can do it and we shall. and i have to do it to make up for what went wrong (like, yesterday sigh).

"this love feels i, that feel no love in this." - romeo, shakespeare's r and j
ciao.

miserable at best.

fine. really?

my drug and my drug's drug

updated @ 8.20PM

i feel like digging a hole and just hiding inside. i'll never be found. overwhelming emotions kill, sometimes the feeling is worst, much worse than having a hangover itself. i wish you'll let me drink till i lose myself completely.
today's game. jamsters. jamsters. jamsters. jamsters. why?
_____________________________________________

uh hur uh hur, free period manzxc. shitzxc, my knee is starting to act up again and we're like playing against anglican later. zxc zxc.

i wrote a pretty something during HCL todayi. i call it:
MY LIST OF FAVOURITE THINGS.
ms moon and her stars
the sun not far from mars.
tracking down orion,
hunter and ulteronme.
twilight and new moon
and eclipse very soon.
romeo and juliet -
star-crossed yet truly loved.
daydreaming in class,
about clouds and cable cars.
sunflower so bright,
perhaps the path of light.
netball and my team,
and ice-cream topped with cream.
oh there's unagi,
bacardi and wtpri.
my QT, MT,
sing alongs with MV.
rings and coolio,
jamming at the studio.
and is this list too,
there is one person - you.

just came out from an extremely hilariously ineteresting lang arts class today. ms chew lost her voice (how sad). so lessons were a little of charades and much to do with typing typing and typing and reading off the screen. (joy to the world!) i think we'll all be watching romeo + juliet by baz lurhmann on thursday/friday. how exciting, eh.

tsk, the team is such a bunch of funnayes. like, they were driving me bonkers with their insane teasing about whatever and whatever and anyth and anyth. i mean, how can manzxc.
but i felt so much love yesterday. although our game with commonwealth was only two smiles worth. oh wait i havent announced it yet.
from thus forth i am going to rate and grade things by smiles! like, getting a sunflower would be ten smiles worth. and eating ice-cream would be nine smiles worth. so yes, two smiles worth is not very high (not high at all). but its alright, and its okay, cos rvnb all the way. (i know) i can be a wonderfullllll poet, agree? if you dont, its fine with me. (see it rhymes again) haaaaha.

sigh, cry people cry. my internet connection was downnnnn (yesterday night). and i have/had no idea why. hopefully it'll work when i reach home later on. then i'll post rae foo's birthday pictures! tsk, i slept so early yesterday. nine i think. i know, what a piggg. and i felt so tired in the morning. i sleep early when i have naughts to do, you seeeeeee.
okayi my boyfriend is waiting for the computer (i think). i shall be very very kind and just end this long post rather not abruptly here byebye.

xoxo, ciaoooooo.

its dark and cold

and i'm scared

say it again, please

*update -
i cantttttt sleeeeeepppppp. is it amnesia or insomnia? whatever, manzxc. i'm listening to all those songs i havent heard in a century - i'm so glad i've got my player back. music is a kind of drug that goes into the ear, the kind of feeling it gives me is irreplaceable. i'll lie on my bed, and see how it goes.

___________________________

had a hard time sitting through the lessons today, i felt so faint.
i might blog abt my pie-date at jotay's house when i finish uploading the pictures, and when i feel like it.

(i swear) i almost caught a glimpse of heaven's pearly gates yesterday (night). it was just like, my life was slowly being drawn out of me, and my soul seemed to be drifting away. everything was so unfocused and my world was literally spinning. it was terrible. and i was really afraid. plus it was getting dark. but. practice makes perfect. just not that one cos it really really was horrible.

i'm on a panadol-popping frenzy (you know, like popcorn). and why cant they come out with other flavours like, banana(?) cos cherry is getting boring.

mommy is being evil and all again. tsk, i shall pout till she gives me consent to go watch kungfu dunk with rae and company.
do you know, that they are more than just airy words? and you are the first ever person i've ever said them to.
happy belated valentine's day anyw.
and i admit that i'm dang jealous of cleo cos she caught p.s. i love you yesterday evening with goodness-knows-who (she refuses to tell me). she said that it was slow at some parts, but it's worth the moolahs.

and joy to the world cos i've got my zen player replacement. but sigh, its dull-sophisicated-blue.

ohyes, i want to watch romeo + juliet (1996) by baz lurhmann.

i feel so much better alr.

lets all speak (in) pretty poems and riddled rhymes,
ciao.

and the shadow of the day will embrace the world in grey, and the sun will set for you

balder people (generally) look happier. makes so much sense, doesnt it.
and time is like sand - the tighter your reign, the faster it all slips out from your hand.
i'm so so proud of myself. i'm like, the best sister ever. of cos i knew my brother was in camp. yeah, i sure did.
i think tom-tom needs a bath.
cant stand (inflicted) pain nor (the sight of) blood; i know i'm one who can never live through a war. i've got someth to say (and its right at the tip of my tongue -- there, i've forgotten it.) tsk, this is so irritating.
drifted, sigh.
i shall end this boring post abruptly here fullstop

no xoxo, ciao.

i'd climb a mountain just to hear your echo

howdyyy people of my world (yeee-haaaaa)! i'm feeling awfully random now.
hickory dickory dock, the mouse went up the clock. the clock struck one, "ding!", the mouse came down. hickory dickory dock. just when you thought these nursery stuff were just senseless rhymes - heh you are dang wrong. this little rant here tells of how we as people (in this instance, the mouse) are always vulnerable to time. and that we are always running against it, trying to beat it, only to find ourselves trying even harder to catch up and go along with it.
oh my oh my, you get what i mean now (random, ha)?
i am very happy now. adrenalin pump manzxc, i'm so excited. (thou shalt not boast, anyw) but i really ammmm over the moon (and across the horizon, perhaps alr somewhere in space), you see. i've (finally) found a goal that i really want to work hard to achieve. like, i've found someth more meaningful than jumping [so that i'll reach one sixty-five (cm) by july]! just watch me.

but oh well. i just turned down jotay's offer. he wanted to buy me sunflowers on valentines day. i know i could have just swallowed my pride and very very eagerly said "oh yes of course-", but really, who offers to buy people flowers? then, tsk, sigh. i guess i'll just have to live with a sunflowerless valentines day for 08 (how sad, i know, dont rub it in).
i think i can be a better boy you know. i'll know how to use my (glib) tongue, and come up with lots of lovely surprises, and write loveee notes in beaaautiful handwriting. i'll be the romeo (just a lot less horny)! why, oh well. but - i am happy with who i am, tsk.

red is the colour of an apple,
orange is the colour of an orange,
yellow is the colour of the lemon and the sun, sun sun!
green is the colour of things and lots of things that grow
and then there's blue for the sky
and purple is the colour thats fun, fun, fun!
and when you put those colours side by side
now what do you think you've done
you've built a rainbow
and its a really beautiful one
(smile)
its a really cute song okayi, cheery and everythinggggg. yayyyyness.

i've been succumbing to temptations and faltering to distractions more often nowadays. self control, discipline, gahhhhh. get well soon, hyung. fruit tarts! ohmanzxc oh manzxc i shall go eat. and oh, jovan's watching barney! and jerald's talking on the phone! and my maid is, is, whatevering, and oh look at this blog, that blog! (homework still on the tabel untouched since a century ago) sigh sigh, hhahahha.
why did it hurt me so bad to see ___ ___?
xoxo.
ciao.

its no longer a want, it has become a need

silver pavements, misty lights and starlit trees.
and, some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. and livia lim yun, you must must must never forget the bully gang. cos no matter what, we stand by you. hyungs, yeah. if anyone dares bully you (horror horror cos only the bully gang bullies okay - squat, now!), tsk tsk tsk (so courageous get him/her to join our gang eh), you know (haha). die!

training was alrighties today, just that the last part of it was a little gah-ish, you know (actually you dont). and i trained with the defenders today - ms puva said i had good feet. sigh, i missed the whole session the attackers had with ms chen (the cute cartoon). but its okay, i'm gonna have a good dayyy (ta-da, the ta-da, the ta-da).
oh, after that had dinner with the two (loveable) asses and came back home only to find a really super-sumptous chicken stew portion (specially kept for me) on the dining table. grr, i'm on the verge of bursting from all that.. ice kachang. see, i said that my diets never last more than two days (sighhh).

i brought home two of the cupcakes i baked during home econs. and i told daddy and mommy i left it for them, and they sounded happy (like, really). and i feel great (hahha). i gave awayy the cupcakes i made yesterday too! and well, my chocolate-marshmallow ones were finger-licking-good and not that bad okayi. they didnt look as appealing, but you see, you never know till it goes into your mouth. i cant wait to bake again! which, most probably will be like, on saturday cos its our dearest rae foo's birthday. and kungfu dunk after that! well what a shallow movie (i want my ps i love you!), haha. somehow the picture of jay chou dribbling that orange ball doesnt seem that interesting (at least, not to me). i've decided, that (as much as i can) i'm goinggg to bake on everyone's (not exactly everyone, actually) birthdays! whaaat a sweeeeet ebab, i know.

and there's this very important decision i have to make.
about my hair.
i'm so going to spend the next half an hour weighing this out: to clip or not to clip?
cheery? bright? dark? dull? emo? oooooooh manzxc, who cares actually? (i do)
i'm becoming so, i dont know, girl (perhaps its just been in me all along). skirts and dresses and chains and necklaces and lengthys and dangles and rings and diamonds and heart shapes and stars and loves and dreams and armours and knights and tights and hair and nails and everyth else.

sigh, i dont have a high forehead. just a receeding hairline. and thats very sad.

JAMSTERS.

barney is hot! like, purple hot yeah. lois knows all the barney songs i know and its great fun singing them aloud with her. its not just the i-love-you-you-love-me-song fyi.
its - oh dang it i just forgot the song.
well nevermind i shall post the lyrics when i remember (gosh), its such a pretty song.
i honestly didnt feel a thing when you told me who you liked. i sort of expected it. and i'm totally over it alr.
xoxo
ciao.

i am a poop. a P to the O to the O to the P, poop.

three posts in a day, i know i know what you're heading at! no life! but hey dang, i'm so happy i cant contain my excitement!

and bullshit yeah, whoever said that you had to be good at something to really enjoy it. baking is my new found love and fullstop

janelle (my cousin who just learnt how to walk) is the cutest thing ever (as in, recently). she keeps stumbling, though. and she loves to hugggg me and holdddd my hand (or just one finger) and she blows kisses! i was having such a wonderful time watching barney with her (i could sing along throughout the whole thing okay i was so surprised).

well but best of all (and most of all), thank you trik :D i still dont get why six.

put it behind us, and toast to my new found not disgusting (please!) hobby!

and well, you'd never guess what i did. like, so shallow yeah. but i met my objective, so whatever manzxc. cos i miss you.

joy to the world (yo!)

ciao.

i'm not home yet. i've just finished baking and i'm leaving my (nice) grandaunt to clear up the mess (heh). then i'll pack them and write the notes and voila!

sneaked out from the kitchen to blog! yes, while the stuff is still baking. it smells allurrinnngggg, just hopes the end product turns out just as good though i am very doubtful of it. the first batch didnt look very promising. i'm gonna be such a sweetie tmr (laughs)!

i dont know (or maybe i do, actually) why i'm feeling this way. tsk, its so strong you know. i'm like, fighting it back and everything.
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
this is crazy.
i want to text you i want to text you i want to text you i want to text you
seriously insane.
i want to hear your voice i want to hear your voice i want to hear your voice
very very mad.
i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here i wish you were here
whatever manzxc, back to baking. its so much fun.
pictures will be up when i get home. i'm a supermodel-cum-baker-cum-suntanner and yes i forsee a bright future ahead.

i'm sorry. please? forgive me?

loooooovvvveeeeee, xoxo
ciao.

coolio glam shoot at the art studio

the title says it all! and - i've been blogging wayyy lot i realise - like a post a day or more (horror, have i turned into a no life somebody!). back to the main point. i forgot that i had a course today! was rushing insanely when i got the reminder from the reception.

okay, so headed to this i-forgot-what-french-or-italiano-super-duper-long-name arts studio feeling all hyped up and excited and nervous cos i didnt know what to expect at all. like, i was there becos i got picked out by the levi's sales-coordinate for this course two weeks ago when i was at one of their outlets (see, i'm photogenic please -dont live in self delusion, eh-). too bad i didnt take any picture of their main reception area. i mean, i would have looked so noobish had i taken out my camera and started shooting everyth there. but boy it was so sleek, everything was reflective and... white. i felt so out of place (hhaha joking?).

then i met the other four ladies and got to know them and stuff. jacqueline is cool: she's twentyone and she drives a ford, plus she has contact(s) only in one eye so her eyes' colours dont match. oh she is dang english and doesnt speak chinese at all (singaporean lei). the rest of them (ningxuan, amy, rachael) are just slightly older than me. and they are all very very chinese. fun people anyw haha, the clique five.

got to the intro of the basic modelling(is it?) course. davis (the main director who took us) is really gay. he's so gay, i - i really dont know how to describe him. yeah he told us about angular smiles and basic camera tricks. 45degree angled cameras really do make a difference when you take zilian pictures, you know. then he taught us to pose and showed (showed only, no catwalk down the runway, fortunately) us how to walk with poise. man, his gaywalk was so the gay, please.

finally got to the main part of the whole thing. glam shots! lights, camera, pose, shoot! they did nothing to my hair. not much done to my face either. they just moistened up my lips, brushed my face up a little, lightened my eyebags and done. ha, they loved my tan, "its beautiful"!

it was funny when we were doing group shots! like, davis said, "stick out your bums, ladies! you're doing a levi shot!" then we made this argh! face and sticked our bums out anyw. uh, ut was just a little too much so he went like, "well you see, if this shot was for a pin-up poster, IT HAS TO BE PG! au natural!" or someth like that, i cant rmb.

and cos i was wearing my very own eve's straight levis super low waist i couldnt bend down a lot or else, my pink undies would be exposed for all to see. so i was naturally trying to do stand-up shots as much as possible. then davis was shouting "variety!" "variety!" "variety!"

hiak, the one and a half hour passed really quickly. rather fun, i must say. just very embarrassing cos it was all about your body (and as you know i am not very happy about mine, sigh) and when they try to shape your pose up they really lay their hands on you.

and i earned money! shadnt say how. anyw, i might (might) post some of the glam shots taken at the studio when they mail it over. see how it goes, if i'm pleased with what i see, hahhaa. cant wait for jacq and the rest to come online, pictures to share! it was fun, made new friends, the high life/supermodel fullstop

treated my two grandaunts to dinner cos i got my paycheck. then met jeremy tng. let the pictures do the talking (though they dont do justice to the fun i had).

i'm outside, but some fine day i just might be on the inside.

changing room, courtesy of jacq

i'm your supermodel.
quite an exciting day after all, isnt it?

au natural, ciao.

the new doesnt come till the old goes

did someth to my blog, and notice that i've got a title to this post! my first ever title, actually. dont think too deeply into its content.

i'm into a blogg readinggg frennzzyyyy. well not exactly, i've just been reading joanna and shona's blogs for like, the past three hours. http://moonblushedmushrooms.blogspot.com/ / http://ilovegummyworms.blogspot.com/ . those adventures half an earth away at edinburgh/london wherever, cambridge, ah. they're really fortunate things who have learnt how to survive (i really mean survive) and have fun all at the same time - abroad.
i yearn to go to some faraway university campus someday (actually just five or six more years), but goodness knows if my grades/monetary issues can make it. and whether i can let go of all these delicacies and the friendship (or ha, perhaps more) bonds forged over the years here in singapore.

i'm getting really bored here, stiffled and stiffened to my new hand-me-down chair typing and blog-viewing and reading kissed by an angel all at once. i need to get out and feel some shineeeee. i think i'm going to grow mouldy, haaaaa.
i think i shall go to some gv cinema soon to collect my membership card. then drop by at delifrance to get those fruit tarts. or maybe chocolate crinkles at savours, i've been craving for them. feels pretty good having money right at hand, cos i dont have to limit my indulgence. but thats a pretty bad thing too cos i have no self control (money wise, and well what goes into my stomach).

been thinking, people do change and feelings do fade. so yes i think i've thought myself into another fear. i'm afraid of changes. i dont want to one day wake up to another world. where overnight, the people i trust most have turned into some other stranger i hardly recognise. i dont want to part, or know that someday i'll not be a part of that person's life, or that we will be apart. i have no idea why i'm thinking about all these relatively unpleasant stuff now. sigh, sigh.

i'm fickle, i admit. about a lot of stuff, clothes especially. just last year (okay, months ago - bad attempt to make it sound like a longggg time ago cos its cny anyw) i was all into sunny shorts and a long tee. you'll never guess whats in my closet now. yes, the sbs still stay (please). but i've got a pinafore dress (no its not my school uniform)! and another skirt! and someth rather, classy/sophisicated/retro-ish/girl, just someth i thought i would never have laid hands on. hiak hiak hiak, and diy manicures. and rings, and bracelets, chains, necklaces, pins - suddenly they dont seem like such a bad idea. hahhaa, if this is getting too much for you, i'll stop.

sometimes when there's only one thing left to say,
p.s. i love you

xoxo, ciao.

say, the people i dont want to hear from are telling me things i want to hear.
sigh, will you say you miss me?
getting cooped up in this stuffy place is doing me no more good than harm, i'm not feeling better. my head just feels reeally weighty and all that. i think it'll be a lot better had i gone out today. i want to go out tmr!
nevertheless, must stay happy! stay happy stay happy stay happy
ciao.
____________________________

these apologies were not left there unsaid
yet your stranger gaze still pierces me through
tear at my flesh like a hammer to my head
like i'm this person you never knew
tried to turns things back to what they once were
all the same time not knowing how to
for one thing i could not condemn for sure
was if the you i had known stays true

when we were friends it was all so usual then
they say you never know till you lose it at the end

but i havent lost it and we never will
the stars in the sky
and the glimmer in my eye
what's become of you and me
we're running on the same track, different lanes
and no matter at what pace, or which direction
deadly sure, we'll meet again
when that happens we'll catch our breaths
and sprint together one last lap
the comma, then the full stop,
thats when our friendship deserves a clap.

please?

reached home at like, two in the morning yesterday and i almost fell asleep when i was bathing. i mean it (literally).
well, if mp knows abt this she'll flip: i'm sick. i'm running a temp and i've got nasty mucus/phlegm. i dont know how i got myself sick cos (surprisingly) i didnt eat a lot yesterday. i was busy socialising, collecting angbaos, playing lame games, talking, singing, reading new moon, reading kissed by an angel, and ohyes, painting my nails (or getting my cousin to do them for me). anyw, i'm dyingggg for eclipse! i need to read it super despoly, like nowwwww. stephenie meyer's books have sorta become my drug or someth. lovesick vampires and a self-sacrificing human who can hardly balance due to generic problems are the bomb (ticking - ticking - ticking - ticking - ticking. waiting to explode right in my face).
my parents are such asses (haha), tsk, prospective son-in-law. what a flukeeee plan. but it was dang fun and funny sitting and talking for two whole hours over at uncle michael's house. yes it was so embarrassing cos i almost rolled down the stairs. went up to his roof (with the glass covered toilet lol to see stars when bathing/peeing) to star gaze. and he does have quite some knowledge on comets and all. a telescope too, man.

was prettaye happy and high yesterday cos i forgot abt it (like totally!). now that i'm stuck at home doing aboslutely nothingness i shall not brood over it. i'll come up with someth positively corrective instead (plann A, here goes nothing...).

gahhh i hope my fever goes away so that i might (might) have a teeny weeny chance that my mom will allow me out of the house.
certainly hope what daddy said wasnt true, cos if thats the case, how long will it take? how long will i have to be away? gahhh, but will anyone even care if i'm not around? will anyth even change if i cease to exist? ahhhhhh.
ciao.
_______________________________________

"before you, bella, my life was like a moonless night. very dark, but there were stars -- points of light and reason. ...and then you shot across my sky like a meteor. suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. when you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. i couldnt see the stars anymore. and there was no more reason for anything."
i wanted to believe him. but this was my life without him that he was describing, not the other way round.

when i told you that i didnt want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.

- stephenie meyer, new moon

"one thing i truly knew -- knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest -- was how love gave someone the power to break you.
i'd been broken beyond repair."
- stephenie meyer, twilight

i'm almost halfway through with the book. i reckon i'll be done with it by at most 3AM tmr. and i'll have to live with my eyebags/rings on the first day of cny cos i just wont put the book down. its getting a little sad in here. more than a little, actually. very, very sad. sigh.
edward left. he left with the cullens. he left bella behind. point is, he left. its really heartbreaking, heartwrenching - i mean, their love was (almost) perfect, please. he left her but he will never truly leave her (in a sense). somehow he still lingers, and his voice appears to direct her when she's in the most difficult or dangerous circumstances.
it was really like, suck-in-air-to-stop-you-from-crying-kind-of-sound when he said this:
"and i'll make you a promise in return. i promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. i wont come back again. i wont put you throught anything like this again. you can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. it will be as if i'd never existed."
stupid man, how will that be possible. and poor jacob, i dont know whats happening. he's just like this drug bella is feeding on to keep her mind off edward, to heal the pain. but i think love doesnt work that way - you cant simply replace cos each is different, no matter what. you dont use someone to forget someone else. its totally unfair and, well its just, not how true love works la okayi. wait a min - bella didnt think she would have liked jacob this much. she just found comfort and solace in him. like, he was her personal sun. she didnt think that she would actually need him after a while. gahhh, i want edward to come back. i feel that they belong together. this is idealistic love, and such ideals should work out. i hope stephenie meyer doesnt let her readers down. i want to read on to a happy ending. yes i shall continue burrying my head in new moon.
and oh boy, i'm soundly amazed by how much a book can affect my emotions. i really am sad, you know. laugh, please.
*cries*
and i'm starting to have my very on views and perspective on love. nflueeeenza books, tsk.

ciao.

went to bishan library and ate (drank a little) ben and jerry's s'mores (i meant them separately). sigh, okay not funny. and (yay) i borrowed new moon and i will attempt to finish it by tonight/tmr morning. you see, i tend to think less abt other stuff and concentrate a lot on the story when i read.

i want to read p.s. i love you before watching it. or should i not?

happy chinese new year (eve/in advance) yeah.
doubt i'll be happy if i dont settle it, though. sigh.
i'm sorry.
your words like poison darts going straight at me. but i guess it was what i unintentionally did that broke that reflective shield. really, unintentional.
ciao.

even though the question is not intended for me, i'll volunteer my answer cos i dont want to keep it to myself. you mean more to me than what i will ever mean to you.

twilight. r and j. twilight. r and j. twilight. r and j. yes i love reading. finished twilight at like 5.40AM today. tsk, it only lasted for one and a quarter day, so no kick (right). i am so going to lay my eager hands on the next sequel - new moon.

twilight vs r and j, they are so alike, please. just that one has a lot less sexual tension than the other. but that is so not the reason why they are addictive alright. what draws me to the storyline is mainly the love (bah). idealistic, hasty, young love. or perhaps, infatuation. what one can be certain of, is that whatever they felt at that point of their life, was true. whether it was true love or wide-eyed infatuation, it was true. cliche it might be, they all believed in the power of love, that it conquered all and that it could fend off all those arrows shooting at their bounds. and, they held on to their belief so strongly to the/their (in r and j's case) end. aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww. i like books that question, that set me thinking, that contains more than what is on the surface. oh and romeo is one horny guy (learnt this in lang arts today). like, he was asking juliet to cast aside her virginity (or actually i think he wanted her to give her chastity to him). tsk, he was fourteen, anyw. i know, what an ass (hahhaa).

should i, or should i not go back to UPS tmr? like, no one is going. then it'll be dang boring cos like, so not enthusiastic and exciting if only six people are reunion-ing. sigh, sigh. but its either that, or i go straight home. then i'll just be putting my sunny afternoon to waste! sigh, sigh. at least i have a choice. trik has to stay home to fry her fishballs and clean up her table (hahha).

OMG. YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND.
and, sigh it is still there, how lei.
ciao.

twilight. is so wonderfully addictive. the emotional torment, the anguish, temptations, everyth was portrayed so piercingly sharp it went right through my heart. the pain edward felt, him loving bella yet having to distant himself from her. his urge to protect and shield her from all disasters and everyth bad, him just wanting to hold her and pull her close and keep her in his embrace. him trying to hold back his thirst for her blood. edward is a vampire purified by the complexities of love. bella, saying that it didnt matter if he was even a human at all. sigh, their love is not extraordinary. no love can be described as 'extraordinary'; the word itself alr is, love is extraordinary in its own rights. their love is inhumane. not that edward was human in the first place, but its so strong, it cant be penetrated through. the yearns, the needs, the wants, the dreams vs reality, cold and hard. how they try to not put each other in a difficult position, both self-sacrificing, wanting the other to just be safe, yet at the same time longing for the touch, the closeness. love is so beautiful it scares me.

and, how can i forget romeo and juliet. read and studied deeper into the play, and i've arrived at an open-ended half conclusion. this whole play is about sex, sex, sex, and more sex, and a little rape here and there. like how shakespeare intended the capulet manservants to rape the montague maids and not kill them as i thought he originally wanted when he wrote "thrust upon the upright the maidenheads". shakespeare is a much more a sick genius than i thought he probably would have been. i bet ms chew intentionally avoided those dialogues and explained as less detailed as she could. so much hidden sexual tension, please.

and i read this on one of the blogskins yesterday. i dont know why it still has me thinking about it, yeah. how sweet:
If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me
and come out at night
when I turn jet black
and you show off your light
I live to let you shine

played a while with nanhua cdiv people after senior's match. they're rather nice, and i see rvcdiv building ties with nhcdiv alr.

you all will always be the ones i(we) look up to, champion team forever in our hearts. its not the end, cos there is still a lonnnggg way to go for you guys. all the coming challenges, matches, games, seasons, etc - you've got each other.
though you(all) prolly wont see this, juniors will always be supportingggg and screaming and everyth. jiayou!
whoa, why do i feel like i'm saying too much? like i'm a first hand experiencer or someth, lol. go rivervalleynetballteam.
and although you dont want me to be around and all, i still hope that you are fine (better if you are more than that, but if you are at this point of time, it might show that you've got a personality disorder/you've gone hysterical/crazy/gaga). take care, and jiayou (esp,)
so many questions, so much i dont understand. but would it be any better if i understood?

ciao.

want to but i cant help it
i love the way it feels
its got me stuck between
my fantasy and what is real
i need it when i want it
i want it when i dont
tell myself i'll stop everyday
knowing that i wont

i got a problem and i (dont know what to do about it)
even if i did i dont know if i would quit
but i doubt it i'm
taken by the thought of it

and i know that much is true
baby, you have become my addiction
and i'm so strung out on you
and i cant barely move
but i like it
and its all because of you (all because of you)
and its all because of you (all because of you)
and its all because of you (all because of you)
and its all because
never giving up
you're the sweetest drug.
_______________________________________

bought twilight, its a promising love story. how will i balance my addiction between r and j and twilight, eh.
incomplete - why?
somehow i feel like you are trying to distant yourself.
why do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near? just like me, they long to be, close to you.
ciao.

presenting to you the bully gang hiding in the toilet.

like finally, took a cable car! no luh, i wish yeah. i took a picture (two actually) of the cable cars.

to-morning's game against commonwealth, yayness and well done cdiv :D

and well, (heh, this is for me) its finally worth it. and i like this feeling pretty much. round two, yeah. rvnb all the wayyyy whoooshhhhhh!

lunched at pastamania then, dad picked me up. bathed over at ggrand's and headed to town with my parents. its beeeeen a longgg lonnggg time since we had family time tgt. and i'll say that shopping today was very very productive. i bought another edc shirt (its long!). then, got my black longs altered, yayness. walked over to borders from orchard point (netburners are strictly courtwear, dont try to shop in them cos sore feet is what you get yeah-) and bought my romeo and juliet shakespeare paperback play (ya-da-ya-da-ya-da i'm going to turn littttttt). quite some time since i went book-hunting in borders (or anywh else actually, havent been reading). set my eyes on a new trilogy book: the twilight series (twilight, new moon, eclipse -in order, fyi-). but the whole set costs like a hundred bucks and the one by itself book has an ugly cover. heard that its pretty addictive yeah. oh and yes! i feel so cheated please. i think my parents no longer have cash flow problems cos they were spending like crazy just now. i've been scrimping all weeek and i hardly pulled through the days cos i was gastric-ing and dying of no-energy and everyth. whoa, so much for that. not going to starve myself anymore (diet still counts though), i'm gonna stick out my hand and ask for money and thats that manzxc. hahahha.

and super early reunion dinner at grandma's place. and dang did my teppanyaki beef taste good. i can cook alright (on a hot plate given the correct ingredients and no oil nor cutting, just fun and flipping food over). am really full now. i think i'm gonna grow soooo fat and be overweight or someth cos i ate a lot - like really a lot. first person to start last person to end - thats how much. had so much kick cooking! and the adults were drinking so much wtpri and bacardi but they wouldnt share. how horrible. and yes i got scalded a thousand and one times cos everyone was just throwing the food into the steamboat thing and all that. i love big big family gatherings where its noisy and heartwarming and i get the warm tingy feeling, you know. awwwww :D

and! i cannnnttt believe it. jotay is so unromantic hahaha. not that i am awaiting/am despo for some sorta romance, but still. he has everyth planned out for v day! and he went like, "i meet you at harbourfront after your class and we can take a cable car and we can go for dinner at vivo after that. if you cant go home late, then can cab home and you will reach before 7.30pm. can?" ahhhh! like, so not mysterious and not exciting anymore. cos you know what exactly will happen! and 7.30pm means, no stars, no moon, no nothing! and the worst thing is.. .. ..i dont know how to say uh, no when he has everyth planned out to the smoothest detail alr. gahhhhhhh. he didnt even ask me in advance. like, he assumed that i would go with him or someth. yyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaammmmmmmm seeeeenggggggggggggggggggggggggggg! congratulations (and hahah celebrations) how? :(

integrity. your integrity is wrapped by this layer of someth. everytime you do someth bad, or anyth against your principals or morals, this layer become thinner. is it worth it to make someth as precious and invaluable as it so vulnerable and so easily taken away from you- with just ten dollars? integrity is priceless. i would have lost ten dollars, but you would have lost someth way more impt.

yes my two cents worth, how chim.

eat sleep eat sleep. i feel like a pig. sigh, tmr's sunday.. church.. and.. yeah. sighhhh.

to end off, i love great matches and insane family outings and i wish i had told ya some stuff. goodnight!

xoxo, ciao.

commonwealth's game was postponed (to tmr). gah, i was praying hard that it wouldnt rain, but sheesh. and ms puva's leaf spell didnt work either (not that i really believed whole-heartedly or anyth). t'was really like, looking forward to receiving my cert and commendation award tmr. i mean, LWS and DL, not just some small music figure or anyth! but i wont have a chance, dang. cry, people, cry.

anyw cos it rained and i was free in the afternoon, did some catching up with jam dearest(s). sigh, another gone for a while. but then again it will be so totally cool if he comes back with a slang - he has that really really quit-staring-i-know-i-dont-look-asian-the-least-bit look. went for really early dinner at cafe cartel. hoorayy, my dad's whatever card entitled me to a two bucks meal (but i actually had to borrow that two bucks, anyw). talked a lot, laughed a lot, attracted a lot of stares cos we were being utmost stupid, and yes that waiter (whose name is matthew tng - what a coincidence right he is not my angel fyi) was so like, trying to strike a conversation with us. no, not anyone and everyone can join in our little social circle talk okayi, please. then had this little walk along the back alley and it was so scary. it wasnt dark, but there was just someth scary abt it, i dont know. and then we started singing. i started singing the melody and the rest hummed/sang the harmony. then after that we started free-styling and switching. then suddenly everyone was singing the harmony. it was pure funny. all that so called falsetto training and bass building. cleo recorded the harmonized parts down. ahhhh, it felt good. i didnt realise how much i really missed us until today. until sereno asked if/when i was going back. what a longgg break, hur. then joonghan was saying that they needed a half alto for the next gig, and all that. i know i want it, but at the same time, i dont know if i will make the wrong choice and regret it. like if i committed, trainings would clash and everyth will all get stressed up again. at the end of the day, will it be worth it? i think it will. but am i strong enough to carry all these on my shoulders? the more i think the more i start to doubt myself. and the more uncertain i will be - of my own abilities, of the trust, of the love. but i dont want to rush into it and pull out suddenly again. it would be so irresponsible. just a little more time, i hope i can give you guys the answer you all want. even though i'm a 101% sure you jam people will never see this,
I LOVE JAMSTERS (still).

hahhhh, we are so cool please - the bully gang.
trik and fish are our dai gor dais (da ge das), liv and i are like the small fry(s). no luh, i mean we are impt too. what are two triad leaders without their followers manzxc? yayness i want our family potrait! cant wait for livia lim to come online and send it overrrrrr.
*clenches fist, thumbs on left chest twice, point out finger, and POWER*
act man, hiong.

i need to play well tmr. need.

i dont like coming home early on fridays my grandaunt will be sitting on watch in the living room waiting to pounce on me as soon as i get back. sigh, sigh, sigh.

and i am dang hungry. diet plans never last for more than two days. perseverance yeah.
ciao.